RBNY's Presence on ESPN Explained


From Brian Lewis' piece in the New York Post over the weekend on MLS ratings:

"The top-viewed league game on ESPN _ not including World Football matches _ was the Red Bulls’ June 26 tilt against Chicago, which drew 622,000 viewers, to edge out the Galaxy’s March 15 game vs. always-popular Seattle.

The best viewership for ESPN2 was the Red Bulls’ June 23 game three days earlier against those same well-supported Sounders, which was seen by 410,000. And the top Spanish-language broadcast on ESPN Deportes? New York again, this time the rescheduled Galaxy home game on Oct. 4, seen by 94,000."

Think about this the next time you find yourself seconds away from tweeting "why does ESPN only show NY, LA and the PNW teams?" It's because people watch them. They may be terrible, violent, dysfunctional and annoying at times but people watch them. Kind of like the cast of Jersey Shore.

NSR: Washed Out "Call it Off"


Now that snow has hit my corner of America summer is officially-officially over. And it sucks. So since I'm feeling nostalgic for the beach, outdoor alcohol consumption and 9pm sunsets here's Washed Out's "Call it Off"; if you have it at just the right volume you can almost taste salt from both the sea and a margarita glass.

BTW FYI ICYDK Rafa Marquez is a Crazy Person

By the way in case you didn't know Rafa Marquez is a crazy person. I would love to write something interesting and funny about this but at this point taking the 5 minutes to pen something to the effect " Rafa Marquez at the center of 'Dramatic Event X' in NY" just seems unnecessary. Not because I'd be piling on to the avalanche of missive's already devoted to yesterday's post-game "incident" but because Rafa Marquez has been at the center of 9 out of 10 dramatic events in NY this year. It's just too predictable at this point. Dude is the T.O. of MLS.


Afro-Germerican™ of the Moment: Royal-Dominique Fennell


Who the hell is Royal-Dominique Fennell? I have no idea and you probably don't either unless you are Brian Sciaretta, Philneezy or German. Apparently though he plays for Stuttgart Kickers, his dad is (surprise!) a U.S. serviceman and he's been called up to Caleb Porter's U-23's. That's pretty much all you need to do to be named Afro-Germerican™ of the Moment so congrats Royal-Dominique.

So the TOR list of known Afro-Germericans™now reads like this:

  • Royal-Dominique Fennell (defender, Stuttgart Kickers)
  • Jann George (forward, FC Nurnberg)
  • Jerome Kiesewetter (forward, Hertha Berlin)
  • Tim Chandler (defender, FC Nurnberg)
  • Jermaine Jones (midfiedler, Schalke 04)
  • David Yelldell (keeper, Bayer Leverkusen)
  • Fabian Johnson (forward, Hoffenheim)
  • Terrence Boyd (forward, Dortmund)
  • John Anthony Brooks (defender, Hertha Berlin)
  • Danny Williams (defender, Hoffenheim)
  • Andrew Wooten (striker, Kaiserslautern II)
  • Shawn Parker (striker, Mainz II)
  • Tyrone McCargo (striker, FC Nurnberg)
The cool/crazy/badass thing is that only Yelldell and Jones are old guys. All the others may be in various stages of their careers but they are all young, playing at a decent level, and U.S.-eligible at a time when there is a German running the Yanks.

No way in hell all these kids will be international-level players and even if they were I'm sure Germany would pick off a few for themselves but please forgive me if I find the whole thing intriguing just for the sheer fact that in 1941 an all-black, German team would have been America's worst nightmare but in 2011 sh*t just might be the future.

All You Ever Wanted to Know About the Union but Were Too Full from Cheesesteak to Ask

This video doesn't really relate to this article on Nick Sackiewicz that's basically a State of the Philadelphia Union. Well, aside from the fact that it features the Union. But I like pretty pictures so I thought I'd throw it in anyway.

It seems like the general state of things with Nicky Sack's club is a pretty picture as well; TV viewership is up, they're thinking of expanding the stadium, they got rid of Carlos Ruiz and they're in the playoffs. Not bad for a second-year club in a city that hadn't had top-flight soccer since Jimmy Carter was in office.

Montreal you are on the clock.


NSC Minnesota Stars x Dark Clouds x Oasis

So this is a kind of cool clip that was sent to me by NSC Minnesota Stars defender Kevin Friedland with the following note attached.

Hey Shawn,

Hope you are well.

I wanted to share a video from the first leg of the NASL Championship and the last home game in Minnesota. We, the Stars, won the first leg 3-1. After the game, we went and sang Oasis 'Wonderwall' with our Supporters group, the Dark Clouds. This song has been our victory song this year and singing with the fans after the game was one of the coolest experiences in my 8 years playing in Minnesota. You might even be able to see Bruce McGuire in the stands.
If any of you can find DuNord Bruce let me know because I love that beardy bastard. I also love seeing the wall between athlete and fan melt away a little; always nice to see the players and the people come together...even when they are all singing Oasis as off-key as possible.

David Beckham x HypeBeast

Forgot to put this up the other day but it's kind of evergreen so here you go any way. HypeBeast, purveyors of all things stylish & urbanely urban, have done a tasteful sitdown interview with our David that covers everything from his beginnings at Man U to his fashion endeavors to his time with the Galaxy. It's called David Beckham: Journey to LA...which is kind of a funny title since his journey may be over in less than a month.

Anyway part 3 of 3 is above, you can kind parts 1 + 2 on Vimeo.

NSR: Gardens & Villa "Star Fire Power"

OK by now most of y'all have probably figured out my musical taste and you either think I'm a vapid snob who tries to hard or you are just as superficial as I am and find the company delightful.

If you fall into the latter try and take in Gardens & Villa's "Star Fire Power" in it's entirety as it's one of those tracks that builds slowly until it smolders. Kind of like The Police if they dropped Andy Summers for a synth-player. Basically they are Santa Barbara's Grand National.

H/T to BlearyEyedBrooklyn for the video.

Sporting KC, Like Everyone Else, Believes That They Will Win

Funny thing is I believe that they will too. Picking them to take the East.


The Only Reason I'm Posting This Dynamo Clip is Because Slim Thug is in it

C'mon Slim Thug, do you --this video's token rapper-- have to be the only guy in the clip wearing a shirt with a gun on it? I know you're in Texas and all but damn son, can we try to avoid they stereotypes just for a hot minute?

NSR: Nine Inch Nails "Zoo Station"

This month's issue of Q Magazine comes with a free CD celebrating the 20 year anniversary of U2's incredible Achtung Baby. Entitled AHK-toong BAY-bi, it's a track-by-track covers album featuring Depeche Mode, Snow Patrol, The Killers, Glasvegas and a bunch of other rich people bands taking on the classic album from 1991.

Above is the surprising standout track for me: Nine Inch Nails' subtle, nuanced take on the album's lead-off track "Zoo Station." Haven't had much time for Trent Reznor since, oh, high school (save the odd DFA remix or Gary Numan collabo) but this is excellent stuff. You should cop it.

Chaos at the Cosmos (or Even an Aged, Blind, Crazy Squirrel Gets a Nut from Time to Time)


Now this is interesting. According to SoccerAmerica -remember SoccerAmerica?-- the current iteration of the New York Cosmos front office is getting blowed up. Paul Gardner's latest, quasi-bizarrely written treatise for the old-school footie mag throws forth a tale of upheaval around the MLS expansion pretenders and leaves you with more questions than answers.

Allegedly, English Chairman Paul Kemsley is out as is Carl Johnson of Anomaly, the marketing and advertising firm behind the Cosmos near-faultless promotional campaign. It also sounds like the Arab money may have run out as well.

And just to up the ZOMGWTF-factor Gardner alleges that another group of NYC expansion contenders is waiting in the wings led by Uncle Shep Messing, former NFL star Curtis Martin and...wait for it...wait for it...CHUCK BLAZER!

But you know what the real surprise is here: Paul Gardner may have actually broken a piece of news. When was the last time he did that? Who was in office? Carter? Reagan maybe?


VIDEO: Skills Show Volume 54

Start your morning off right with a bit of backheel bliss. Happy Tuesday y'all.


VIDEO: SportsCenter's Top 10 MLS Goals of 2011

Too bad Adam Moffat's long distance banger from last night didn't make the cut. You could argue, if you're that guy, that it was a better strike than the one included here.

Incidentally those are 2 goals were Moffat's only ones this year. He may not do it often but when he does watch out.

NSR: L'Oncle Ben "Seven Nation Army"

From this point on all supporters groups should perform "Seven Nation Army" in the following, funky manner.

The Management

Cisco ❤'s Sporting KC

How long has it been since I've mentioned Sporting KC? What, 5 to 7 days? Better get busy then 'cause I'm slipping.

Here's a 'corporate cool' video from Cisco --the electronics people, not the esophagus-rotting swill favored by trashy, suburban teens-- on LIVESTRONG Sporting Park and Sporting KC's tawdry love affair with all things technologically advanced. It's tidy and informative with sound cinematography.

Also, if you ever happen to sit in the press box at LIVESTRONG Sporting Park try to avoid sitting next to the guy with the Nottingham Forest Twitter background. He cheers in the press box, makes it tough to focus (I know this from experience).

AEG Should Just Go on & Call Them the LAsia Galaxy


If the blog of the Philippine Football Federation treasurer is to be believed the Galaxy's post-season trip to Australia might be turning into LA's "Last Call for David Beckham" Tour*. PFF executive bean-counter Bonnie Ladrido, erm, spilled the beans last night by mentioning on his blog that LA Galaxy president Tom Payne will be in Manilla next week to tour facilities and all that other executive-type stuff. Additionally matches in Singapore and Jakarta are allegedly on the boil as well.

Hats off to LA for exploiting the Pacific Rim for all it's worth during the Beckham era. In the past 5 seasons they've played games in Australia (twice with a third on the books), New Zealand (twice), South Korea, China, Hawaii, and even exotic Vancouver before the 'Caps joined MLS. Surprised they never rocked Japan though as I heard Becks was big there.

*This is if Brand Beckham doesn't extend his contract with MLS, which he very well may.

Snoop Dogg Fakes the Footie Funk

If you are an aging American rapper about to embark on a European tour without aid of a recent hit is there a better way to cater to the locals than to film a promo with you getting your juggle on? Yes. You throw in a pot leaf.


VIDEO: RBNY v. Doop Preview

Soooooooo...how many points do you think RBNY will lose by tomorrow night? 2? It's got to be by at least 2, right? No way they're the now-traditional bottom-seeded team who makes it all the way to the final. They may have started the trend back in '08 but c'mon now, there's no way lighting is striking twice.

VIDEO: Viva Futbol #75

After what seemed like an eternity away with the Foreign Legion or doing something equally French, Alarazboy has returned with a new mixtape of 100% all-natural, soccer showtime. Oh how I've missed this. Viva Futbol y'all.

File Under: MLS Tragedies

Richie Williams is in the D.C. United Hall of Tradition but hasn't been offered an MLS head coaching job. Discuss.


RSL Mascot Crashes Wedding, Vince Vaughn Declines Comment

Personally I would not invite a lion to my wedding reception but hey, that’s just me. I also wouldn’t let him sign the guestbook because, being a lion, he is probably an illiterate. Or maybe he can read and write and actually just wants to "pee in a pod” (whatever that is).

U.S. v. Slovenia: The Reckoning


This is awesome. On November 15th ESPN will air a live reunion special of the U.S. - Slovenia match from the 2010 World Cup.

What’s that? It’s not a reunion but an actual rematch? In Slovenia? Oh. Well can we at least get Bob Ley on the pre-game show, a few thousand drunken Americans in the stands and Koman Coulibaly to ref it? Mo Edu’s got some things he’s still trying to work through and this would go a long way to helping him get right with things.


The Librarian: Bob Lenarduzzi, A Canadian Soccer Story

I haven't read the book yet but I'm sure my Canuckistani friends will enjoy it. Also, they may enjoy the beautiful creature at the :08 mark. Quality Canadian content.

NSR: M83 "Midnight City"

The video for M83's "Midnight City" just dropped so everyone else can just go on and put the cameras and lights down now because the video of the year has been made. Seriously anonymous record label marketing dept. save your promo budget, use it on tour support instead.

It's kind of on some ComicCon-goes-to-SVA sh*t but I dare anyone to make a video this year that can match this for storytelling, effects, cinematography and ability to capture the forlorn, retro-futuristic mood of the song so effectively. The only improvement even possible would be if after the screen goes black at the end there was a single shot of the little blue-eyed kid dropping the mic.

Kei Kamara in Glorious Slo-Mo

Apparently there is some sort of Kei Kamara documentary-type video profile thing coming out that was shot in Sierra Leone recently. Here's a preview and here's a link to a bunch of other excerpts and a series of blog posts about about. No word yet on whether or not Chipotle is backing this film but if you see a shot of him eating a barbacoa burrito bowl on the streets of Freetown you know what's up.


When Ballin' Outta Control Goes Wrong


Look, I'm as big of a fan of outlandish displays of rockstar-esque, young & moneyed swagger as anyone but your team just lost a crucial game less than 2 hours ago on the road and now faces what is essentially a do-or-die game against a new rival to secure a place in the playoffs without your captain/leading scorer. Now is not the time to tweet about how baller you are replete with photo of you boarding the private plane. No doubt you got game nephew, but listen to your fat, old uncle on this one.

Something Something Sporting Kansas City Something

Unless you have made the pilgrimage out to LIVESTRONG Sporting Park you probably haven't seen Sporting Kansas City's WWE intro-meets-highlight reel pre-game video before. It's cool that the players get a hype video like this (needs more Graham Zusi though) but what about one for the ownership? Dudes took a moribund, borderline irrelevant franchise and make it into a real player in the K.C. sports market.

The K.C. Star has a good read on the business end of The Team Formerly Known at the Wizards big turnaround that's worth checking out if you are as geeky as I am about this stuff. If not, watch this. It has nothing to do with K.C. or soccer but it might be the best 10 minutes you'll spend outside the bedroom or a stadium today.


@TheOffsideRules: The Tweet Secret is Out


Been MIA for a few days; was busy trying to come to grips with the fact that Kasey Keller is retiring and that the new Justice record is basically weak. Don't think I missed anything though, did I?

While caught up in all that it somehow came out that there is an @TheOffsideRules Twitter account. I've been sitting on it for a while but since the secret is out I would suggest that you do give it a follow if you are a member of the Tweeting class. I can't say when, if ever, it will be unleashed on your feed but just in case I decide to say something amazing or something changes with the work Twitter you know how to get at me. So won't you follow me?


NSR: Death Cab For Cutie x Cut Copy

It's not The Postal Service but it is Ben Gibbard doing his bit over a dance rhythm for the first time in a minute. And this sounds more like classic Cut Copy --and a bit like the Pet Shop Boys in places-- than most of their last album. Indie-disco heaven.

American Outlaws Plot Drunken Airlift for Brazil 2014


In what could be the most epic or disastrous move in the history of American soccer road-trips, the American Outlaws have chartered a large, 737-type plane to ferry its most hardcore and cash-flush members from the United States to Brazil for the 2014 World Cup.

I love my Yanks and a good awayday as much as the next guy but I'm not sure that I could personally take a 10-14 hour international flight full of booze, rampant patriotism, people applying for their Mile High Club membership in the toilets and the same 5 songs being sung over & over again in a small contained space. Actually, when I see it written down it sounds pretty much amazing. Here's to hoping there is a livecam on board so that all us soccer-voyers can take in the inevitable madness from a safe distance.

Photo of the Day: New Dynamo Stadium Rendering


Y'all seen the latest rendering of the under-construction SSS in Houston? So rad. Kinda looks like a biodome with a sunroof in a way but that's not a knock on it. How could you bag on something this baller that's right downtown. You can't. Unless you are an ass.


Soccer v. Football: An Infographic of Cartoonish Proportions

H/T to @TheThirdKit

Celebrity MLS Glory-Seekers Phoenix Are Ready for Their Close-Up

Real Salt Lake’s --or are they RBNY's, I can never tell-- most continental fans have a documentary coming out. You should watch it, preferably while imbibing in a nice Louis Jadot Pouilly-Fuissé while wearing something so conservative it's alternative (because that is Phoenix's modus operandi when it comes to both their music and presentation).

Video: Ref Life Part 1.

Who knew that the life of a referee could be just as bland as you imagined?


NSR: Justice "Newlands" and "Canon"


Damn. Just when I was ready to write off the upcoming Justice album they f*** around and drop a pair of Serato-ready bangers that sound like Daft Punk doing classic rock. If you've ever wanted music that works equally well in a Camaro or a club congrats, it's Christmas. Get. In.

Jozy Altidore is Doing All Right for a Kid That Used to Play For RBNY

Jozy Altidore's Pumpkin

Y’all remember when Young Jozy signed my pumpkin? That was a fun night replete with Bruce Arena’s smirks and tequila shots with Joey Vide. Jozy was just a baby then, hadn’t even suited up for the Nats yet if I recall correctly. My how s*** done changed for him (and his former club but that’s another topic entirely).

On the eve of his Red Bull Arena debut things finally seem to be on the up for The Boy King of New York and Jersey after a wilderness period in Europe. Unsurprisingly, ESPN’s Jeff Carlisle has the skinny on it because he is pretty much the Man right now when it comes to these types of things. Follow him on the Twitters if you know what’s good for you.

NSR: The Knife 'Silent Shout'

I don’t know how many of y’all mess with The Knife’s weird Swedish asses but for some reason I’ve got “Silent Shout” stuck in my head this a.m. I know it’s entirely too early in the day —and the week for that matter— for claustrophobic, neo-goth drug music but this is a classic. Or the song is a classic at least; the video is just messed up and is damn-near an advertisement for the mandatory shuttering of ever art-school in Europe.

"I do know people are asking me about Brek as he is the premier talent in America"


Apparently Brek Shea has a mess of foreign suitors; they go by the names Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester United, and Manchester City.* I once had foreign suitors, English women with names like Lucy and Karen. Now? It's just the Pakistani woman from the credit card call center who calls to tell me my payment is late.^

So enjoy being pursued while you can Brek because one day the only foreigners calling you will want to take your money, not give you money.

*The only one of these clubs that I could see going after Brek would be Man United. Sir Alex ain't scared of a bit of American horsepower. See Jonathon Spector, Jovan Kirovski and Kenny Cooper.

^In truth the only suitor I need these days is my half-Romanian wife.



When People Say Something is "Just Crazy Enough to Work", the Detroit Stadium Plan is EXACTLY What They are Talking About


Y'all seen then stadium proposal in Detroit? Looks crazy but if they can pull it off more power to them because I actually think The Mitten would be a better spot for an MLS club than The Wang. Not nearly as fun of a roadtrip -mojitos and beaches top all- but a better home for a soccer team.

Unless you are Chicago or Toronto fan. In that case Detroit would be the roadtrip.


NSR: The Horrible Crowes "Behold The Hurricane"

I'm sure I've posted this song sans video before but I'm still feeling it. Give it another shot if it didn't grab you the first time.

Oh My, Omar Open to Mexico


Omar Gonzalez says he's open to suiting up for El Tri. This makes me sad. Not because he'd go the other way (he has dual citizenship) but because Klinsmann's hesitancy to call up the big man is what's driven him to contemplate such madness.

Or maybe it's not madness, just gamesmanship. It's kind of like how sometimes the one you want doesn't feel you until you show interest in whoever it is they can't stand. So yeah, all is fair in love and international soccer.

If You Get the Caption in This Post About Rio Ferdinand You Are Punk Rock. Also, Old.


Manchester United defender and apparent victim of Carlos Tevez' penchant for amateur proctology Rio Ferdinand will not be headed to the land of Old Style and Wilco anytime soon according to the Chicago Fire.

“There is no substance to these current reports that the Fire is negotiating with Manchester United and the player to bring him to Chicago,” a Fire spokesperson said. “We have watched and admired the play of Rio Ferdinand for a number of years, and we would be thrilled to have a player of his quality join the Chicago Fire Soccer Club.”
So sorry y'all. Looks like the infamous hot-shorts won't be making an appearance on the streets of Bridgeview this summer. Shame, that.

The Chivas USA Goat-Man Has Huge Thighs, Sexy Backup Dancers

This really makes life worth living. Or at the very least worth blogging about.


Demitrius Does Degrassi

A day in the life TFC rookie and TOR favorite Demitrious Omphroy: training, neck tattoos and Degrassi High auditions.

VIDEO: LA-RSL Post-Game Kerfuffle

I have no idea what Jason Kreis said to David Beckham but my uneducated guess is that it was something along the lines of "your Moms." Lip-readers, try to prove me wrong.

The Don Talks Scheduling

Get Microsoft Silverlight

Hey y'all. Did you miss me? No? Figured as much. I was in rock mode for a few days doing the ATP thing so I wasn't really in the blogging state of mind.

I did see a few games this weekend though but unfortunately the Vancouver - Portland game was not one of them. And because I missed the game I missed The Don's halftime remarks about scheduling, downtown stadiums, MLS Cup locations and all that other commissionery stuff he likes to talk about. Thank G-D for the magic of the internet though because look, here he is! And in a fly grey suit!