Obligatory "Jozy Altidore Scored" Post

Another Europa League match day, another Jozy Altidore goal. I've honestly lost count of how many he has now with AZ Alkmaar. Can't say I've ever had that issue with an American Outsourced to Europe™ before; it's a nice problem to have.

Kings of the Rockies Trailer

Coming to a desktop near you.

The Cosmos Come Alive in FIFA12

This is kind of incredible. Less than 48 hours after release some intrepid Cosmos fan has created a kits-and-all Cosmos team in FIFA12 based on the team that played in the Paul Scholes testimonial. That is dedication to the NYC2 dream folks.

I do wonder though if EA and the team in green missed an opportunity to make the classic Cosmos team as an unlockable team. Hate ‘em if you want but you know it would be fun to pit Pele, Chinaglia, Alberto and The Kaiser against today’s greats. Maybe next year.

[via Empire of Soccer]

Photo of the Day: 'Caps Fan Brings a Date to Cascadia Derby

Submitted without comment.

TMZ Gets Ginger Confused, Mistakes Lalas for Lohan

OK that is a deceptive headline but I figured TMZ is on perpetual LiLo-watch so any ginger that gets caught in the cross-hairs is free game.

Anyway I have to agree with Alexi's assessment of Steve Jones' playing ability. Having seen him play first-hand he is shockingly good for a man of his age and build. And he will not hestate to run you over on his way to goal.

Carlos Bocanegra is One Stylish Latino

According to the good people at Complex magazine, Carlos Bocanegra is One Stylish Latino-American. That's cool becuase while most folks know Boca is stylish they don't know that he was Latino-American. You learn something new everyday.

As If Front-Row Seats Needed Imporovment

I know us soccer types don't always agree on things online but for once I think we can finally all be on the same page about something. If you have to sit, as opposed to stand, at your local MLS match wouldn't you agree that these are pretty much the best seats ever? The only way to improve them is to lose the guy next to you and replace them with smokestick of your choice*.

*I choose Leila Arcieri. Those Afro-Italian girls --all 12 of them-- get me every time.

Kansas City Franchise Reinvention Now Reaching Madonna Levels

Dear people-who-used-to-start-"Move Kansas City"-threads-on-BigSoccer-every-week,

Here's further proof that your pronouncements of a KC soccer organization's inability to find success was a wee bit premature. It's OK though, no one could have predicted it (except for OnGoal LLC.)

Signed
SF

Taylor Twellman on the Three-Year Headache, Dreamless Sleep

I don't watch ESPN really outside of soccer coverage but apparently they had TT on there the other day to talk about the scourge that is concussions, which is not to be confused with the issue of cons cussin'. The former is a big issue on soccer fields the world over while the latter is largely an issue within penitentiaries.

Feeling Like Cameron Frye

Sick today. Talk amongst yourselves.

DeRo 4, RSL 1

Did you see The DeRo Show? The ratings may not be all that but it is critically acclaimed. Seriously, this was the best show on television Saturday night not to feature Alec Baldwin and Radiohead.

NSR: Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs "Trouble"

In addition to having the most absurd name in music since Test Icicles, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs have a new video out. But it totally sucks. This one from the beginning of the summer is much better. Enjoy it. Or not.

This is Not a Misspelling: Sacha Vander MostvanSpijk

A profile on Sacha Vander MostvanSpijk, former head of Youth Development at Chivas USA. He is now involved in the deeply-flawed, money-spinning enterprise that is US Club Soccer. Seems like a cool guy though, very forthright with his opinions on the state of the game in the U.S. Nice video as well, much more easily digested than the spelling of his last name.

NSR: Washed Out "Amor Fati"

The official video for the best cut on the latest Washed Out album has finally arrived and it's a truncated, Norwegian road movie. Which is an interesting choice for a song by a band from South Carolina who make music for Ibizan sunsets but hey, globalism right?

Bobby Bradley in Egypt, Surrounded

The image above is of Bobby Blue Eyes surrounded by reporters at Cairo International. Allegedly he's been hired by Egypt but since everybody thought he was hired by a foreign entity the last time he was photographed in customs I'm going to take it easy on writing whatever it is I think about this move.

This flies directly in the fact of the Soccer Blogger Code of Reactionary Rambling About Things That Have Happened That I Know Little About But (Wrongly) Feel Like Everybody Wants to Know What I Have to Say About It Beacuase My Opinion Counts, Damnit™ and I'm OK with that. Hopefully you are to.

The Librarian: Soccer Made in St. Louis

Attention book nerds, there is a new American soccer tome on the block. It's called Soccer Made in St. Louis and it's about the secret history of Toledo, OH's underground Polish badminton leagues.

OK fine, it's about the obvious --St. Louis soccer-- and you should check it out. I haven't read it yet but come on, only about 2 American soccer books come out a year so get your debit cards out and do your bit at Amazon.com.

Afro-Germerican™ of the Moment: Jann George

Bam! There's another Afro-Germerican™ out there, which now leaves me one man shy of having enough players for a Starting XI (thanks for the tips). His name is Jann George, he's 19 and he scored the other day for Nurnberg's U-23's; I know this because Brian Sciaretta, czar of Americans Outsourced to Europe™ reporting, says so.

He is also the Black Stuart Holden™ due to his shockingly accurate approximation of our Stuart's look. Which may or may not be a good look for him, the jury is still out.

So the unofficial Afro-Germerican™ count now looks like this.

• Jann George (forward, FC Nurnberg)
  
• Jerome Kiesewetter (forward, Hertha Berlin)
• Tim Chandler (defender, FC Nurnberg)
• Jermaine Jones (midfiedler, Schalke 04)
• David Yelldell (keeper, Bayer Leverkusen)
• Fabian Johnson (forward, Hoffenheim)
• Terrence Boyd (forward, Dortmund)
• John Anthony Brooks (defender, Hertha Berlin)
• Danny Williams (defender, Hoffenheim)
• Andrew Wooten (striker, Kaiserslautern II)

Come on TOR-folk, find me an 11th man!

14 Year-Old D.C. Phenom, Arsenal Engaged in Courtship Dance

An excerpt from Steven Goff's super-fine piece on D.C. 14 year-old Gedion Zelalem, who recently spent 10 days training with Arsenal’s prospects.

"Zelalem is not the first high school soccer player from the area to seek a pro career. Most famously, Freddy Adu, a native of Ghana and a naturalized U.S. citizen, signed with Major League Soccer in 2004 at age 14 and played regularly with D.C. United for three years before being traded to Real Salt Lake.

Zelalem is a different case, in several ways. Contrasting the flash and explosiveness that made Adu an international sensation at age 12, Zelalem is a nuanced player who orchestrates from a deep central position and threads passes through narrow channels. He has an assist in each match for Walter Johnson and hasn’t scored.

“His sophistication and understanding of the game is far higher than anyone I’ve seen,” said Wildcats Coach Mike Williams, a former Howard University defender. “He is able to set the tempo like none other.”

D.C. United youth program, where ya at?

Montreal Impact x Daft Punk x Sebastien Le Toux

The Frenchist thing you'll see all day this side of a Gauloises at a Jean K Jean stand-up set. Also, start your Seba-to-Quebec trade conspiracies right...about...now.

"Did they give you extra hair in the game? Because it looks like it is a full head of hair."

Now this looks much more natural that that Solo v. Nash clip. Either LD and Lincecum have better writers and a semester of Improv for Athletes under their belt or they were legitimately talking sh*t with one another. Either way it's gold.

Hope Solo v. Steve Nash

Hope Solo & Steve Nash are fantastic athletes, pretty good celebrities and decent gamers. You know what they're not good at? Acting!

Milking the CJ Sapong Meets Hope Solo Video Like an Engorged Cows Teat

How big is the CJ Sapong/Hope Solo video? So big that they are releasing bonus footage, George Lucas style. Sadly, I doubt we'll see a Wampa attack.

NSR: Wilco "Born Alone"

Friday night backyard beer-drinking music. Grab a Shiner and join me, won't you?

Yessssss: Becks' "Ricky" Returns.

Ricky is back. And he works, unconvincingly it would seem, at Target. He may not have the shoppers completely fooled but he does make me laugh so. Chuckle chuckle y'all.

Roger Levesque Has Very Important Question to Ask You

Is he eating a giant breadstick or a small baguette? I can't tell. Either way I laughed but it still won't get me to buy Sounders season tickets. Hell of an effort though guys.

UPDATED Back in the Day Video: MLS Pictures

Remember MLS Pictures? An orgy of baritoned narration and sexy slo-mo camera pans it was easily one of the best MLS-related shows to ever grace American television. Sure, it was slightly over-the-top & dramatic but damn was it pretty to look at. Someone should bring this back.

UPDATED: Here's a tip. Don't put videos on the interwebs and assume no one will find them. They will. This is how sex tapes come out. Furthermore if you have videos you need to put on the interwebs but don't want others to see don't title them and make them password protected BEFORE making them live for 18 hours. That will save you the shock of discovering your un-hidden video has been found.

LL Cool JB: Ladies Love Cool Justin Braun

First it was an Old Spice ad, now it's the Axe effect that gets the spoof treatment from Chivas USA. Seems like body odor might be an issue in that camp. I've always wondered who buys that "clinical strength" deodorant; something tells me it's these guys.

CJ Sapong Spits Game at Hope Solo, Gets Kiss, Faux-Faints

File under: awkwaaaaaard!

Rapids Rookie Can Rap

Hey y'all I think we may have a new heir to the MLS hip-hop throne. Hell, he may even be the new king really because it's not like anyone has fully claimed it for themselves. Steve Zakuani and Michael Lahoud & his boys at Chivas USA are trying to lay it down but neither have thrown down any that's unimpeachable.

Enter Rapids rookie Josh Janniere. His debut video under his nom de rap, General J, is short & sweet and certainly isn't Enter the 36 Chambers but this Canadian boy can rhyme and looks pretty damn natural doing it. Mad bonus points for using a Sade sample on the hook. Wonder if he can play soccer?

VIDEO: The Don Stumps in Ohio

Try to make it through the entire four minutes of The Don's speech yesterday without getting hypnotized by the crazy eyes on the mascot in the background. Impossible. And what is that thing? A badger? A skunk? And what does it have to do with being hard-working, American and all those other Crew-like things? We need answers Ohio.

Kasey Keller Lets You Down Easy, Wants to Mooch Your Extra Seat

Why do I feel like he's used this schtick before is his former/single life and not for season ticket renewals?

Steve Zakuani Channels Beyonce, Wants to Upgrade You

Recently many American soccer teams have begun their season ticket renewal campaigns. Some of them have been met with derision. Some have been welcomed by The Don. And others involve dinner dates with Steve Zakuani. Can you guess which one is funnier?

GTL: Gym, Tanning, Lindpere

Unlike The Situation, Joel Lindpere is actually European so he can get away with these glasses...right?

Know Your MLS Bigwigs

All y'all MLS nerds aka My People should find out more about Kathy Carter and Mark Abbott. From the outside looking in you get the impression that The Don runs the show solo for dolo but the man has some help...they just don't get much ink.

Brian Struas nabbed MLS President Mark Abbott earlier in the week and ESPNW just threw something up on Kathy Carter, President of SUM, this morning. Read 'em because you never know how long it will be until you see anything written about them again.

NSR: Neon Indian "Polish Girl"

Slow news day so here's a song for you from my fellow Texans Neon Indian. This is what is known as --new genre alert-- Denton Disco™; death to chillwave!

Afro-Germerican™ of the Moment: Andrew Wooten

This may not to be news to those of you who follow German football but today I was informed of yet another Afro-Germerican™ player I had no idea about. His name is Andrew Wooten and he's with Kaiserslautern's reserve team.

If he's any good I haven't the faintest. Ask Philneezy, he could tell you maybe. Either way that brings the unofficial headcount to 9.

• Jerome Kiesewetter (forward, Hertha Berlin)
• Tim Chandler (defender, FC Nurnberg)
• Jermaine Jones (midfiedler, Schalke 04)
• David Yelldell (keeper, Bayer Leverkusen)
• Fabian Johnson (forward, Hoffenheim)
• Terrence Boyd (forward, Dortmund)
• John Anthony Brooks (defender, Hertha Berlin)
• Danny Williams (defender, Hoffenheim)
• Andrew Wooten (striker, Kaiserslautern II)

At this rate we'll have an all-black military brat starting 11 by the time Camp Cupcake comes in January. And then I will be forced to create a stand-alone blog about the phenomenon. Unless Spangler saves me (and you) by writing one of his masterpieces on it before then because this has ThisIsAmericanSoccer.com trend piece written all over it.

"I Think I'm Coming Down With Something, May Need to Stay in Today"

If you are reading this and haven't made it to work or school yet today, CALL IN SICK. If you are reading this from your place of work or school, FAKE AN ILLNESS AND GO HOME NOW.

Why? Because the FIFA 12 demo has dropped; do I really need to say anything else?

NSR: DJ Mehdi R.I.P.

The older folks in my family always said that death and birth come in threes. The recent, premature loss of Bobby Rhine may have been the 1st of a troika for me as news came this a.m. of the passing of one of my favorite DJ's, France's DJ Mehdi, a vital member of the Ed Bangers crew.

If you have no idea what Mehdi sounds like check out his video for "I Am Somebody"; it's probably his most accessible song and the video is really playful, really fun. DJ Mehdi is dead; long live DJ Mehdi!

NSR: Foster the People "Pumped Up Kicks"

Sorry but it's stuck in my head and I can't bear to suffer alone; FTP really are the bastard child of Vampire Weekend and Maroon 5.

Carlos Mendes x Uniqlo

Uniqlo is probably my favorite store. It's as cheap as a Dema Kovalenko foul and as stylish as a man of my age can get away with without looking like the old guy at the club. In an obvious bid to lay claim to even more of my money and closet space the Japanese retail giant is opening a second NYC outpost only blocks from my office and have enlisted Carlos Mendes --the last of the MetroStars-- as a pitchman; they may as well just start garnishing my paycheck.

Photo of the Day: Henry Balling in Black with Beckford

So yeah, last night was Fashion's Night Out. If you are man enough not to know what that is it's basically the fashion industry's version of a single-night South By Southwest. Everyone has a party with free booze and bands you've never heard of hosted by someone you have.

Unfortunately I was at the Lord & Taylor event watching Beyonce's sister DJ (please don't ask why) and missed the Dolce & Gabbana event that I wasn't invited to that featured TiTi co-hosting alongside Justin Beiber, and Tyson Beckford. You shoulda been there (and so should I)!

So I guess we'll just have to look at the pictures of the pretty people instead of getting it in with the pretty people. Oh well, I guess we can't have it all can we?

Afro-Germerican™ of the Moment: Terrence Boyd

Who is Terrence Boyd? Oh you know just another member of the nü wäve of young Afro-Germericans™ that is doing his thing in Deutschland. Things like scoring 6 goals in 6 games for the Borussia Dortmund reserve team. It may only be the reserves but since the only other striker on the planet with an American passport and club form like that right now is Jozy Altidore I'm going to big him up.

I think I may start an absurd, über-niche blog that's like Yanks Abroad but it only covers players in Germany who are the offspring of African-American servicemen and the local fräulein. Yes, it would be stupid but there would actually be a shocking amount of source material with the key subjects being:

• Jerome Kiesewetter (forward, Hertha Berlin)
• Tim Chandler (defender, FC Nurnberg)
• Jermaine Jones (midfiedler, Schalke 04)
• David Yelldell (keeper, Bayer Leverkusen)
• Fabian Johnson (forward, Hoffenheim)
• Terrence Boyd (forward, Dortmund)
• John Anthony Brooks (defender, Hertha Berlin)
• Danny Williams (defender, Hoffenheim)

That's enough guys to fill a bench so it's damn sure enough guys to fill a blog that I'll never actually produce. And with 50+ U.S. military installations on German soil I'm sure there's a few more kids coming down the pike. So you see, Red Dawn wasn't the only cool thing that the Cold War gave us.

Vegas Still Trying to Get in the MLS Game, Apparently

This may be a LONG way from reality but damn, just think of the road trips? Every supporters group and it's mother will be out to recreate The Hangover without missing kick off. If this happens somebody's gonna get pregnant.

[H/T @BrianStraus]

TODAY IN STADIUM P0RN: Vancouver Edition

An inside look at the Whitecaps' under-construction enormodome in downtown Vancouver. Thank the god of your choice that this big boy is smack in the center of town, otherwise we could be looking at the makings of Giants Stadium Part 2, The Return.

Photo of the Day: Up in the Club with RBNY

I feel compelled to share this photo of RBNY's Luke Rodgers and Brian Nielsen getting it in at NYC's Marquee club. I don't know why really. Maybe it's Rodgers' cardigan-no shirt-shaved chest-bottle service combo; that one gets me everytime.

Belgian Stuff with Sacha Kljestan

Fact: Brussels is Europe's most boring city. I spent some time there back in my single days and the only good things were A) seeing Darren Emerson DJ and B) making out with an English lady I had had my eye on for a while. Other that that is was whack as hell.

Our Sacha and his Jamie Lee seem to be having a much better time of it though. They even have one of those micro-dogs and a Euro-baller apartment. Watch in wonder.

Bobby Rhine R.I.P

Photo credit: Brian Cormack for Cormack Photos

If you haven’t heard already there’s some heartbreaking news out of Dallas this morning: FC Dallas announcer & former player Bobby Rhine passed away yesterday after suffering a heart attack. He was 35 years-old.

My introduction to MLS was a Dallas Burn – Tampa Bay Mutiny match at the Cotton Bowl during my college years in 1998. Having found the pull of live soccer irresistible, the next year I managed to make it to roughly half-a-dozen games in what was Bobby’s rookie season. He, along with teammates like Chad Deering and Ariel Graziani, were the hook that got me into MLS and for that I’m grateful.

I’m also grateful that a few years later I was lucky enough to become friends with Bobby, who was hands-down one of the nicest guys I have ever met. People always say that but in this case it’s the gospel truth. Find me someone with something bad to say about Bobby Rhine and you’ve found the impossible.

The last time I saw Bobby was in July when he and a few other FC Dallas staffers were in NYC for the All Star Game. We went for burgers at a diner downtown with Justin McCord, Steve Jolley & Ives Galarcep and ended up watching the Juventus-Club America game from rain-soaked CitiField on the TV’s. In a week of fancy parties and VIP events this was an unfussy, good time…kind of like Bobby, really.

May God bless you and yours Bobby Rhine. Here’s to you.

NSR: Justice "Audio, Video, Disco"

EM Theories hipped me to the new Justice video and like them, I'm not sure how I feel about the track yet. It's oddly catchy but not the Ed Banger-banger you might expect. Honestly it comes across as the beefed-up soundtrack to a Nintendo-era video game that centers around a quest for a princess and multiple fights with "bosses".

Jan Gunnar Solli Would Like to Soundtrack Your Next Catfight

If you are over the age of 4o there is a good chance that you had to surrender control of your television to the resident drama queen of your household between 1981 and 1989 when Dynasty came on. If you are between the age of 40 and 25 this was the show that made your mom go snob and start wearing pearls while rocking one of these haircuts. And if you are under the age of 25 you have no idea what this show was about but I'll tell you just so you know: catfights.

Why am I going on about an 80's TV show this morning? Because RBNY defender/midfielder/DJ Jan Gunnar Solli has done a remix of the show's iconic theme song. Hear it below then buy it from Beatport.

How Did Bobby Blue Eys Spend His Labor Day Weekend?

How did Bob Bradley spend his Labor Day Weekend? Hanging out in Customs at a Mexican airport apparently. Word is he was down in Torreon interviewing for the Santos Laguna job. Would be awesome if he got it or the Egypt gig; love the idea of an American coach having multiple overseas job options that don't involve teaching English in China during your post-grad year.

NSR: M83 "Wait"

Saturday morning mellow music courtesy of Anthony Gonzalez. Probably the best faux-Bon Iver song going right now.

USWNT Get All Rocky IV on our Asses Ahead of 2012 Olympics

About 20sec into this clip --which is quite possibly the greatest Women's soccer mixtape of all time-- we see Hope Solo on a treadmill with a face-mask then a quick cut to a shot of a control panel of some sort that measures God knows what. It's all very intense and basically proves that Hope Solo is the Ivan Drago of Women's Soccer. Watch out 2012 Olympic rivals, she must break you.

Everything You Every Wanted to Know About Pitch Maintainence But Couldn't Be Bothered to Ask

Shout out to John Deere and the Railhawks! North Cackalacka raise up!!!

VIDEO: A Day in the Life of John Conway

Come on, you know you're intrigued.

VIDEO: Fight The Flop

In the 1980's prominent militant Negro Chuck D. rhymed about fighting the power. In the 2000's milquetoast Negro Shawn Francis blogs about fighting the flop. 1960's civil rights leaders are either appalled or relieved by this. Either way, flopping sucks.

Fight the flop!

FIFA Street 2012: FIrst Look

To follow up on that earlier post about FIFA Street here's what the came itself looks like. Not too shabby. I love the inclusion of a the futsal court; think I might be officially down.

“Beckham in Itself is a Worldwide Brand and it Was Only Last Week He Was on the Front of Women’s Day"

The Galaxy need to return to Oz just so we can have more beachside, french fry-eating interviews with Landon Donovan. Also, he'd be perfect on the cover of Woman's Day.

For the Good of the Nation Somebody Needs to Tell Me Who Fabian Johnson Really Is

So it's been what, a week since the U.S. roster was announced? Where is the good, deep "So who is this Fabian Johsnon" article? If there is one out there please forward it on. Otherwise I'm going to be forced to play make believe and create a personality for him. A very youthful, "Taylor Gang or Die"-American personality. And no one wants to see that. Really.

Seattle Sounders x Bill Cosby

Is Bill a Sounders fan or is he playing to the locals in this interview on a Seattle TV station? Either way hearts have to be breaking in Philly. But you know what will cure that? Pudding pops. But since they don't make them jawns anymore here are 12 photos of hot chicks in Cosby sweaters!

[H/T to @WeAreECS]

FIFA Street: Coming 2012

Love the new advert for the upcoming edition of FIFA Street that Vice shot. Sh*t's vibrant, lively and captures the essence of the street game around the world. Also it uses "Crache La Douleur" by Fanga & Tony Allen; nothing like a little Afro-beat niceness to make me feel good about a game that disappointed last time around. Here's to a new (and hopefully improved) beginning for the franchise.

WPS: The Movie!

This trailer for The 90th Minute intrigues me. I hear it's only a short film --20 minutes or so-- but as WPS is an area that I know precious little about I'm curious to see what it's like from a player's perspective. And the fact that it includes a player who was with a team that won a championship and was then dissolved makes it all the more interesting. Hopefully we can get an East Coast screening sometime soon; the West Coast and Hawaii are covered though.

File Under: Random Celtic Post

So this is what former Miss Vermont Katy Johnson is doing now? Huh. Random that the lady from the infamous, VERY NSFW Tucker Max blogpost-cum-lawsuit is now rolling with The Bhoys on the Jimmy Delaney bus. "Hail, hail" and all of that but there is no way in hell Katy Johnson even knows who Jimmy Delaney is. No. Way.

God bless her though for having survived the Max affair; that dude is a world-class doucher.