Metronomy "The Bay"

It's Friday. Time for some weekend rock*.

*I just made up a new subgenre. $5 and a copy Luke Rodgers' rap sheet says that NME bites it by September.

JPA Jr is Cold

If this little nipper's skills look familiar you're not tripping. It's because he's Juan Pablo Angel's son Tomy. Anyone have an opening in their academy for the junior cherub? What say you LA or NY? Can you take him in as a "legacy" player or is it only frats that do that?


Last Night's Party: All Star Game Edition


Here's photo of Russell Simmons and Maxwell in one of the skyboxes at the All Star game and it pretty much sums up the scene in the suite level last night at Red Bull Arena: moneyed people much more famous than you or I with Blackberries and wine glasses at the ready. Oh and models. Lots of models.

I ran through the suite level at half time to chat with an acquaintance who is baller enough to get invited up there and in the 10 minutes I spent among the beautiful people I clocked Maxwell, Simmons, Tyson Beckford (a trifecta of 1990's black starpower), Ethan Hawke, Gerard Butler, Kelly Ripa and Ed Westwick off of Gossip Girl. And again, models. LOTS of models. Leggy, improbably beautiful models. It was like a casting call for America's Next Top...you know.

I missed the after parties though last night as I didn't get back into the city from the stadium until 1:45am. So I missed the official afterparty at the Highline Ballroom and skipped out on the crew that was heading to 1 Oak. And they sure as s*** weren't going to let me in to Tenjune so I called it a night after a long 5 days of practices, parties and photo ops.

So the celeb-spotted for me ended there. I'm slippin', I know. But if you guys see any photos or videos out there of famous-types from last night though drop me an email. Need my celebrity glory-seeking fix.

The Don Talks The Twitters

About halfway through this clip The Don talks social media and gives a pretty balanced and honest statement on the wonder and danger of Twitter. You should watch it. Or not. Really it's up to you.

Philly "In The Mix" for ASG 2012

Any betting men out there willing to put money down on Philly to host the next All Star game? I have no inside info on this but I'd favor them over other candidates like K.C. --which hosts the MLB All Star game in 2012-- and Houston, who have to be a favorite for MLS Cup 2012 with a gleaming, new AEG-backed stadium in a warm-weather market on the way.

But who knows. Maybe Montreal grabs a big event right out of the box in their expansion year. And let's not forget that the allure of the Pacific Northwest is always hard to ignore. Damn, there really are a lot of options.

Remember when there were so few SSS you predict the ASG and MLS Cup hosts like clockwork? Seems like forever ago. Now you need Chris Angel, an unmanned CIA drone and a Ouija board to figure that s*** out. Times have changed y'all, times have changed.


At Home With The Don

It's no Cribs but it has a couple of mellow dogs, tall-assed tomatoes and coffee talk with the D.O.N. Montclair represent!

People Are Making Movies About Kidnapped Referees Now

Some of you may think certain referees have it our for your club. Whether you are right or wrong about this I can't say. What I can say with some certainty, when it comes to what's depicted here in the short film The Score, is "don't try this at home".


MLS All Star 360: Part 1

I'm neck deep in All Star activities (read: practices & parties) but I just wanted to say "hey." So did Heath Pearce, Chris Wondolowski and the rest of the All Star team.


VIDEO: Skills Show Volume 52

I'm out running around the city this week dealing with MLS All Star week madness. So pardon my absence. Please accept this mixtape as a parting gift.


Sporting KC Have Jokes

Let this be a lesson to clubs around the league: neglect to send Sporting KC your team's headshots at your own risk. Failure to comply with this request may result in your region's stereotypes being aired out for all to see on the largest HD jumbotron in the state of Kansas.You have been warned.


Bill Hamid is Ready for His Closeup

I know Juan Agudelo is the poster child for MLS Home Grown Players but you could argue, probably with ease, that Bill Hamid is making a bigger impact for his club than Juan Juan. He may not have the adidas endorsement, the USMNT call ups or the TV commercials but he starts on the reg...something that Agudelo doesn't do.

Check out the clip above for a lengthy look at the life & times of Bill Hamid. Show of hands: who thinks this big kid could woop their ass? I can't be the only one.

Judah Friedlander x 2011 MLS All Star Game

Remember a few weeks ago when I ran into Judah Friedlander, The World Champion, at a party? This is what came out of it. Big man can move, right?

So let this be a lesson to all the young kids hustlin' out there on how this whole "networking" thing works: you go to a party, have a drink with someone preferably more juiced than you, talk about work, and spin it in to Youtube gold.

(said in 50 Cent voice) I love New York!

People Are Wearing Sounders Garter Belts Now


Nothing says "wedded bliss" in a time of 50/50 divorce rates like bespoke Seattle Sounders garter belts. Guys, if she'll rock your club colors on her special day she's a keeper. And ladies, if you do this you can hold it over his head every time you want him to do something undudelike* like hold your purse while you shop Anthropologie or go to Duane Reade for feminine hygiene products. It's a win-win.

*Not a real word.


The New York Cosmos: Now with Brian McBride!


So here it is. The first non-youth team that will don the colors of the fabled NY Cosmos since the Reagan administration. What do you think? There’s some great old names there like Fabio Cannavaro, Brian McBride and Brad Friedel but there’s quite a lot of young blood from the academy.

Sure, they’ll most likely be sacrificial lambs for Paul Scholes' going out party but hey, there are worst things to achieve as a young American soccer player than playing alongside Patrick Vierea and Gary Neville against Manchester United at Old Trafford wearing the same kit that Pele & Beckenbauer wore. Basically it’s like being in an Oasis cover band and still getting to play Wembley.

Sanna Nyassi is The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™

Some of you have read the title of this post and now believe I am inexplicalbly more full of sh*t than usual. You're saying to yourself "Sanna Nyassi is the baddest man? C'mon son." I know it sounds crazy but we're talking about today people; after the dirt he did to RBNY last night dude deserves some sort of recognition, even if it comes from an aging manic-depressive with a Blogspot account.

Sorry Caleb Folan, but you have just been styled on in the Conor Casey replacement stakes; get comfy on that bench cousin.

Brek Shea, I Believe in You. Your Magic is Real.

I'm going make a statement that you may or may not disagree with: Brek Shea is on his way to being the second-coming of Clint Mathis, adventurous hair-styling choices and all. Dude is southern, speedy, has a penchant for making winding runs through lackadaisical defenses, and is not afraid to hit a ballsy-ass ball from distance. It's enough to make me feel all nostalgic for the days of the POGO Lounge.

And if that wasn't enough to make me sweat him like a Texas summer, he put Torsten Frings on his ass in his MLS debut; he makes me proud to be an American.


Skills-Show: Volume 52

A nice little mixtape to get you hyped for one of the 1300 matches featuring MLS teams tonight.

Today In Celebrity Glory-Seeking: G N' R x USWNT Edition


It's official: everyone has had something to say about the Women's World Cup except for me. Once the former bass player for Guns n' Roses/Velvet Revolver chimes in on Wambach, Morgan, Rapinoe & co. you know the USWNT lovefest has officially turned into FrontRunnerPalooza. Can't wait to hear what Bobby Dall out of Poison has to say about the ladies during next year's Olympics; I bet he's got some awesome hairstyling tips for some of the longer-haired players.


The Hangover 3 Might Be a Little Different Than the Sequel


I wonder what happened after Dave Sarachan met Zack Galifianakis. Did they drive straight to Vegas and wild out? Did they grab Mike Magee on the way and dress him up like Bradley Cooper just for sh!ts and gigs? And will they repeat the exact same evening 2 years from now and call it a sequel? We need answers people!

Messi x Ray Hudson x The Wizard of Ox

The Wizard of Ox is Crazy Ray Hudson, Barcelona and house music all at once; if this isn't the most Miami thing you've seen all day your name is either Luther Campbell, LeBron James or Franco Panizo.

NSR: M83 "Midnight City"

Sh!t. Yes. Anthony Gonzalez is back with more of the maudlin electro-pop that made Saturdays = Youth so cotdamn unimpeachable but with a pinch of the great, grating texture of Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts. This is what I will be listening to for the rest of the day. Or at least until The Wizard OX drops another prog-house remix featuring Ray Hudson.

Photo of the Day: One Of These Guys Hasn't Played for RBNY


Words, I have none. My dudes at Metrofanatic, on the other hand, have plenty.

Conor Casey's Season is Dunzo


You may have heard at some point that the guy who killed Abe Lincoln shot him in a theater and hid in a warehouse and that the guy who allegedly killed JFK shot him from a warehouse and hid in a theater. It's not totally true as Lincoln's killer was actually caught in a barn. Either way, it's still spooky.

So is the fact that Colorado lost Conor Casey for the remainder of the year while playing away to Seattle, a team that lost Steve Zakuani while playing away at Colorado.

Somewhere in the Puget Sound area there is a smug, misguided guy on a couch wearing a "Karma's a Bitch" T-shirt who's happy about this.

NSR: The Horrible Crowes "Behold The Hurricane"

My love for The Gaslight Anthem is well-documented so I will not regale you with further confessions of affection for Brian Fallon and co. I will however mention that Fallon has a new side project called The Horrible Crowes and basically songs like GA on the mellow although Fallon says this is his chance “to experiment with the darker side of soul music.”

Have a listen to “Behold the Hurricane”, the first track the The Horrible Crowes debut, and draw your own conclusion.


iPhone x Timbers Army

I would expect this to happen to the Windows phone actually.

Top Skills Vol. 29

Enough between-the-legs moves, ankle-breaking and fist-pumping to fill an entire season of Jersey Shore.

VIDEO: They Were The NY Cosmos

Hate 'em if you want but no one does NASL-era nostalgia like the Cosmos and I ain't mad at that. You use what tools you've got.

I just wonder why the Earthquakes weren't milking this cow years ago. Why not flaunt George Best scoring the illest goal of the disco era? How about some footage of Guus Hiddink running the midfield back in the day cut with a clip of him running things from the touchline now? Or maybe some grainy, weepy footage of Celtic legend Jinky Johnstone?

I'm not trying to say that the current 'Quakes staff are doing a bad job or the the Cosmos are 100% crushing it. Hindsight being 20-20 and all it just seems like San Jose missed an opportunity back in 1999.

VIDEO: Tina's Tips

Thank God/Allah/The Great Pumpkin that Tina Cervasio did this. If someone with a Y chromosome would have gathered a bunch of ladies together to drink champers and teach them about soccer with a bit of player beefcake on the side it might be deemed condescending and sexist (those things are frowned upon, you see). But since Tina is doing it it's cool. Right?

Rancid x San Jose Earthquakes Players X 1906 Ultras

Notorious soccer-rockers Rancid tackle Sham 69's "The Kids Are United" with the 'Quakes and 1906 Ultras riding shotgun. Punk. Rock.

TODAY IN STADIUM P0RN: Houston Dynamo Edition

There isn't much to see yet, but here's what's poppin' at the Houston stadium construction site by way of what appears to be a camera attached to balloon. It might not be nestled amongst the skyscrapers like Seattle's multi-use building but this is definitely in the downtown core even if it is a little on the edge. Good stuff Houston. Whatcha got San Jose, D.C. and New England?


Not That You're Concerned But...

I'm on vacation this week so unless Big Name Player X signs with the league expect very little from me other than BBQing, beach bumming and generally lounging around. Before I go though check out this superb fan-made video on the Fire's prior U.S. Open Cup glory. Good stuff from the men & women of Section 8.


Haters Rejoice! MLS Beef Weekend is Upon Us!

Helluva weekend to be an MLS fan. Not only do we get the O.G. MLS beef, NY v. D.C., on Saturday night but we get the latest installment of Gerald Ford-era footie fight Portland v. Seattle on Sunday afternoon. The only way this could have been scheduled any better would have been a Friday night fight between LA and Chivas USA. Oh well, we can't have it all can we.

I may have my preferences for the outcome of each of these matches but I think one will be close and the other will be an ass-whipping. And before you assume it, I don't think that it will be the Taurine Army doing the ass-whipping (they can't play Toronto every week).


VIDEO: U.S. v. Costa Rica Trailer

Can I say something that may or may not be controversial here? I'd really like to see the USMNT eschew friendlies against CONCACAF teams not called Mexico. I'm well aware that it helps to get a game or two in against teams you'll face in World Cup qualifying from time-to-time but that's what the Gold Cup is for, right?

Maybe I'm just bored by seeing the same teams over and over again. I think we need a bit of strange y'know? Thank God we have Belgium to look forward to.


Fanatic X Announced Today, Tournament on Saturday


Once again the most fashionable pickup tournament God has ever allowed the sun to shine upon, adidas' Fanatic tournament, is set to descend on Manhattan's West Side this weekend with all of the advance warning of an F5 tornado.

I honestly love this event. Seriously. It's the city's best amateur soccer event and a staple of my ever-lightening summer social calendar but the short notice routine is waaaaay tired. Maybe it's to do with trying to keep the event exclusive or something equally unegalitarian but it's almost like they don't want people to know when it is.

Why am I so pissed? Because after months of asking around when the tournament is, it's being held on the day I'm going on vacation. Figures. SF can't win y'all.

Anyway, selfish diatribe aside here are this year's teams:

Freeman’s Sporting Club, Nom de Hooligans, The Smile, The Standard FC, United Bamboo, Bowery United, MA3 Killers,
Supreme Team, Miss Lily’s, Diner Old Boys, VICE FC, Psyop, Chinatown Soccer Club, Monkeyvibes, ACE Hotel’s ‘ACE + Co’, ’Opening Ceremony FC, Visionaire’s ‘V-team’, Last Magazines ‘Last United’, Complex Magazine’s ‘Complex FC, and Supreme Records.

Finally a Helpline for Earthquakes Fans

So the Quakes have this new fan relations hotline. They also have a really budget promo for it as well. Now you, the fan, are supposed to use this number to contact Fan Relations for any gameday questions or issues you might have...within reason.

No one has asked me to do this but here's a list of 5 issues not to call them about:
  • Don't ask them when they are getting a new stadium. You don't know and neither do they.
  • Do not ask them why there isn't promotion or relegation. There is a separate line for that: it's called BigSoccer.
  • Try not ask how to spell "Wondolowski" or "Ampaipitakwong." That's PR's deal.
  • Do not ask them to book you an appointment with whoever does Steven Lenhart's hair.
  • Try not to ask the cute-sounding girl or guy on the line what they are wearing. It's kind of creepy. Also, the answer will most likely be "khakis."


Martin Solveig ft. Kele: Ready 2 Go

There was a time when Kele Okereke and Bloc Party were it. Then they went on hiatus and Kele went solo and it all pretty much went to sh*t. Now he's singing on songs for French people to use in the most French videos around not featuring Pepe Le Pew.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. But on the bright side we'll always have "Helicopter."


The Crew's Tommy Heinemann Would Like to Sing You a Song

I think I'm going to become the full-on Randy Jackson of American soccer and start a show called "MLS' Got Talent." I wonder if Temryss Lane will be my Paula Abdul? And I'm sure Paul Garnder would love nothing more than to play the evil Englishman, so he can be Simon.

As for contestants we'll have Brek Shea showing off his art, Charlie Davies planking and Michael Harrington beatboxing like it was 1984. The Crew's Tommy Heinemann can also com on and sing flip-flop rock songs for however long it takes his band Stones Cry Out to get an opening gig on the next Jack Johnson tour. We'll make dreams come true!

Brek Shea is an Artist Damnit

I know a hair joke is almost expected from me for a Brek Shea post but I'm going to break from regular programming this morning to just gush about the guy's art. Seriously, some of dude's stuff is pretty good and I love him for it. There's some real talent there or at least enough that Coldplay are biting his style now.

I also kind of have to hate on him though. Wasn't being a young, moneyed-up pro athlete with hair the color of sun-brewed lemonade enough? Now you have to go and show off your sensitive, artistic side? What's next Brek? You gonna mess around and save the whales, rain forests and The Event from getting canceled?

Good luck Dallas-area bachelors, Brek Shea may not be The Most Interesting Man in the World but he might interesting enough to steal your girl.