I Got Nothin' (But Lindsay Lohan)

Hey y'all. How was your Memorial Day weekend? Did you get drunk and act the fool at a cookout? Did you give a rambling, arrogant press conference? Did you get fired from your coaching gig or maybe get homesick for Europe?

I ate too much and watched too much soccer yet I still can't think of anything worth running my mouth about today that 100 other people aren't already talking about. So in lieu of a completely unoriginal & uniformed post about what Carlos de los Cobos' firing means here's a video of LiLo looking improbably attractive. It ain't the beautiful game but it is beautiful to look at.


NSR: Justice "Civilization"

About time they release a video for this. But then again why make a video when you already have the song featured in an adidas advert with Becks & Danny Mwanga that's on TV every 60 seconds? Seriously, why?


VIDEO: Excerpt from Dias De Gracias

Three reasons to see Carlos Bardem's upcoming film, Dias De Gracia:
  1. It takes place during the 2002, 2006 and 2010 World Cups.
  2. The soundtrack features Massive Attack and Scarlett Johansson covering "Summertime."
  3. Eva Longoria is in it and she will probably look fine as all hell.
If that isn't convincing enough maybe the (NSFW) trailer or the opening shot of the film, the clip at the top of this post, will sway you. And if it doesn't there's always Soccer Dog.

Am I Late to the Coin Soccer Party?

This is the first time I've ever seen coin soccer, which at a glance looks like it could be a Third World mash up of subbuteo and foosball. Kinda awesome, completely creative. I need one of these.


VIDEO: Shine On (Episode 1)

A look at life in America's second division, specifically life with the NSC Minnesota Stars.


Benny Feilhaber is Ready for His Closeup


Pow. Benny Feilhaber on the cover of the Improper Bostonian, which despite the name, is not a publication catering to disgraced politicians of The Bay State. Naturally there is an in-depth feature to accompany Benny's sweaty-assed covershot and contained within is the story of the viral sensation that was the infamous "No Air" clip.

No, but it wasn’t supposed to be public. It’s funny in retrospect, but at first, I was devastated that it got out. A buddy of mine asked all his friends to post a video on Facebook, and no one was doing it. So he said to me, “If you do it, people will follow.” So I agreed, thinking only his friends could see it. Anyway, I was in China at the Olympics, and I was going to bed, so I made it and posted it. The next day, I had over 100 messages and comments. It was already on soccer blog websites.

Damn. Our bad.


The Sounders Should Have an Official Facepaint Sponsor

This isn't a judgment, just a statement: there is a lot of face-painting and headwear going on in Seattle these days. I never noticed before but there's some serious SoccerCon™ sh*t going on up there; it's like a KISS show where the climax of Gene Simmons' fire-eating has been replaced by a Jeff Parke stoppage time goal.

And is it just me or does the one wing-headed dude look like Adrian Brody?

VIDEO: Allie Bedoya Swags Out in Sweden

I won't front and pretend that I pay attention to what's going on in Sweden because I don't. Hell, I'm barely concerned with Spain or England these days. But I know baller-assed performance when I see one --or 1:20 of one at least-- and Alejandro Bedoya gave one this weekend against FK Viking Ikea 1645.* Bravo duder. See you stateside this summer, Gold Cup in hand.

UPDATE: Damn did I put the Gold Cup jinx on Alejandro or what? My bad.

*Not really the name of the team but it doesn't matter because you have no idea who they are anyway.


Last Night's Party: Portland Edition

This is last night's match in Portland plus surrounding ambiance that form the "Portland experience." Quality video, especially considering that it was shot, edited and released in 18 hours.

Also impressive is Portland's home undefeated streak. They have a hell of a long way to go before they hit Rio Tinto territory but it's a pretty damn good start to their first MLS campaign.


I'm Bored..

...and busy so here's a music video. Catch you later.


NSR: CREEP (ft. Nina Sky) "You"

The Weeknd & Frank Ocean aren't the only ones making avant R&B these days. The ladies of CREEP --who somehow managed the impossible last year and made a track with Romy from The XX that wasn't a total & complete baby-making monster-- are throwing their hat in the avant soul/pop ring as well and have brought one-time reggaeton darling Nina Sky along for the ride. Not a bad soundtrack for sexy time with a glass table girl.

A Brief Rant on My USMNT Kit Design inferiority Complex

Y'all know I'm down with U.S. Soccer and all but you know there is no way in high hell that we would ever do something as interesting as having Peter Saville design our kit like England did. No. Way. This is America and for reasons unbeknown to me the mixing of high-art and high-level sport is damn near verboten.

English people however are allowed to do this sort of thing because, well they're English you see. They live in a country where Kings of Leon* were allowed to play arenas for years without aid of a stadium-rock anthem like Sex on Fire. There the line between the big & the bespoke, the obvious & the obscure is drawn in pencil not ink. Art and athletics are not mortal enemies and I appreciate that.

I also appreciate the fact that there is lady making eyes at me at the 1:00 mark. Sorry hen, but I'm taken.

*Please don't mistake the KoL reference as an attempt to put that band on the same level as Peter Saville. Was just the 1st of many bands that are (or used to be at least) tiny in the U.S. and massive in the U.K.

Viva Futbol #72

Personally I don't "wave my Gucci rag around in the air" but hey, that's just me.

New Blog on the Block: Beautiful Gear


Chris Toy of Studs Up fame has a new concern called Beautiful Gear. It's basically Uncrate for footie freaks. Among the wares currently on display is the really fine kit from local Dallas team Portman Kunis which is pictured above.

The team name is an homage to the sapphic love scene between unnecessarily sexy Black Swan co-stars Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis. If for some reason you have any doubt about that being the true origin of the Portman Kunis moniker check the scissors in the badge. Also, the guy who made the jersey says so.

For more cool ish to blow your cash on checkout BeautifulGear.com.

UPDATE: I have learned from a reputable source (read: @beautiful_gear) that this blog is not new and is not just Chris Toy. So there you go. Knowledge = power...or something.


VIDEO: Skills Show Volume 50

For all you ankle and Q-Tip fetishists out there.

NSR: Josh T. Pearson "Enjoy the Silence"

I'm starting out the morning on the mellow. You may not believe me but Josh T. Pearson is an old college buddy of mine. Or more than likely you have no idea who Josh is. That's understandable since he's always been the kind of musician who can't get arrested at home in the states but plays festivals with Pulp and Elbow and the like in Europe.

He's solo now but he used to be in a band called Lift to Experience back when we were at UNT. Shit was crazy. Dudes would play at somebody's house party one month then the next month they would be in London opening for Sparklehorse.

I remember meeting a fan of theirs once on a boozy night out in Camden with (warning: 90's name-drop alert) a couple of guys out of Primal Scream and Kevin Shields from My Bloody Valentine. Dude was all in awe of the fact that he was hanging out with the band and all I could think was "Kevin Shields wrote Loveless and you're sweating the guys that owe me $10 bucks from $2 Pitcher Night at Lucky Lou's. Unfuckingbelievable."

Anyway Josh is solo now, living in Berlin and signed to Mute Records, longtime home of Depeche Mode. Here's him doing his whole Appalachian country-core take on "Enjoy the Silence." You may well hate this.


PDX May Have the Timbers Army But Seattle has THE Army

And now it's time for something really unexpected: American soldiers flying a Sounders flag while marching to a cadence of ECS chants. I wonder who's going to be the one to get after this group for swearing in their songs? Not I America, not I.

Detroit, Your Boy is Back in Town

Ever the patriot & soccer evangelist, His Ginger Majesty™ has left his Manhattan Beach headquarters for a trip back to his ancestral home: Michigan.

Dude is in town talking up the U.S.-Canuckistan Border War match in June and other Alexi Lalas things like visiting the field that was made with the grass from Detroit's World Cup game in '94. Good work if you can get it.

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Gillette Stadium

Well maybe not everything. There is no mention of the important things like the selection of beer available to local drunks and the price of the stadium dog but there's a bunch of other random nuggets in there from Vancouver radio personality Peter Schaad who has apparently taken it upon himself to give us guided tours of every MLS stadium. Good looks Pete.

And is it just me or is Schaad the Canadian Glenn Davis?


NSR: Biggie Smalls x Minnesota "Juicy"

I try not to speak ill of the dead but I was never a huge fan of Biggie Smalls. Too much gun talk and unnecessary N-bombs for my bourgeois, happy-rap tastes. Having said all that this remix is an all-out champion. Minnesota killed it y'all (the track, not Biggie).

That Thing That Those Guys Did in Seattle

Another thing I don't have much to say about but that's because it really speaks for itself. Bravo ECS, y'all took it to another level...but where do you go from here?

The Best Faux NY Post Headline You Will Read Today


"Goats Gore Bulls in Belated Battle of Barnyard Beasts"

That's all I have because that headline would shine brighter than anything I could write about that game. I challenge you to do better. No, seriously please leave your own terrible/brilliant NY Post-style headline in the comments. I need to be entertained this morning.


VIDEO: Walk Among Us

As mentioned the other day, Seattle-based energy drink slingers Golazo have commissioned a short, short film centered on MLS fans & supporters entitled Walk Among Us. It's attractive stuff full of color, noise and (appropriately) energy. If you have 5 minutes to spare before tonight's big match give it a click; hopefully the nation sees this kind of passion tonight on ESPN2.


NSR: Sleigh Bells "A/B Machines"

No MLS games tonight means that I get a rare Friday night off. You know what that also means? Rock show. Specifically an art-damaged, digitally-enhanced evening of noise-rock with Sleigh Bells at The Stone Pony. F*cking Stoked.

90 Minutes: The World Cup of NYC

This looks like a fun film. I've been in NYC for the past 3 World Cups and if you can't be at the actual tournament there is no better place to be than New York. Even though the games may be taking place thousands of miles away, the World Cup vibe still permeates the city due to its multi-culti milieu. Definitely a topic worth documenting.

For more details on 90 Miuntes: The World Cup of NYC check 'em out on the book of faces. And to experience for yourself what the World Cup in New York is like, go get into an argument with a local Ghanaian cabbie tonight about the merits of the diamond midfield versus a flat four. It's good times.

Unlike Sports Night, TOR Did Not Get Canceled

Sorry y'all. Blogger was down for a day so I couldn't do a damn thing for a minute there. But I'm back now (or at least until their next server disaster).

I think it might be high time I move on from Blogger but then again I think keeping this thing low-budget keeps me from thinking it's anything more than what it is or that I'm anything greater than SF. Still, it would be nice to freshen up the look a bit. What do y'all think? Is the look as stale as the notion --reiterated in the clip above for reference-- that soccer is to be played by Americans not watched by Americans?


Video: Total Skills Volume 39

New mixtape with dated soundtrack. Some thing s never change.

VIDEO: Walk Among Us Trailer

If you're in Seattle ahead of Saturday night's big Sounders-Timbers steel-cage death-match, you should make it a point to stop by Golazo HQ on Friday night. The footie-fixated energy drink manufacturer are throwing what looks to be a proper party under the moniker of Los Fanaticos featuring 3v3 soccer, DJ's, FIFA 11 tournaments, and complimentary (read: free for your broke/cheap/stingy ass) Golazoritas & Brougham Bitter, the bespoke brew of the ECS.

The event will also feature the debut screening of Walk Among Us, a short film commissioned by the company and focused mainly on the ECS but featuring cameos by the Timbers Army and Legion 1908. The trailer is above, the party is at 7pm. Go out and get it in.


NSR: Depeche Mode "Personal Jesus 2011"

Can't decide if I hate this. Feel like I need to hear the full version because this sounds clipped & edited. Still it's DM; they could run recordings of Paul Gardner reading the obituaries through an analog filter and I'd probably still buy it.

Wednesday Night MLS Orgy Heading Our Way

There's too much MLS tonight. That's not a complaint just a fact. Dallas play Toronto, Philly host Becks-less LA, and the Whitecaps welcome the Earthquakes to Vancouver to party like it's 1978 in a NASL redux match. How am I supposed to watch all three of those meaningful matches and the alleged "Arsenal of MLS"'s random foreign friendly du jour in Montreal tonight?*

The answer is probably "with an iPad, laptop and the TV all on at the same time." Basically I plan on making my living room a furnace of incremental radiation from the hours of 7pm to 12pm tonight. I would encourage you to do the same but I don't want to take responsibility for the drop in sperm count that you may experience due to 5 hours of "laptop lap."^

*Interesting that so far this year New York has played or announced friendlies in Mexico, Quebec, England and Arizona. Are dudes really an international draw now? Mind you the latter location is technically the U.S. but only for another few weeks if you believe the militia men and immigration-concerned people that yell at you on cable news.

^"laptop lap" is when you spend too much time on the couch on your computer and your wedding tackle becomes hot, uncomfortable and possibly useless.


Captain Morgan: It's Not Just a Drink, It's a Lifestyle

Did you know that in addition to being used as a sex move (by deviants) the Captain Morgan can be applied on set-pieces and in lieu of barstools? It's true! Thanks for the knowledge rum-maker!

The Best Chivas USA Video You Will See Today

Damn, them Goat girls can get it on the floor. Y'all go.

United Want D.C., Baltimore Want United


“We continue to work on this in both D.C. and Baltimore. We’re looking at several sites in D.C. We’ve had several conversations with the District. There’s no specific proposals being discussed at this time, but I believe there is a general consensus in the Wilson Building [city government headquarters] that they certainly want D.C. United to remain in D.C. On the other hand, Baltimore will probably come forward with a pretty solid proposal. There’s certainly a great location in Baltimore and a willing developer. We’ll be deciding, I hope, sometime this year what our future is.

“As far as which of the two cities, our name is D.C. United and we don’t take that lightly, but the Baltimore opportunity is a real one and we have to take it seriously and do our due diligence in both locations.”

-D.C. United President Kevin Payne on the D.C. stadium situation.

I'd never wish relocation on anyone, no matter which club they support, but not knowing anything from anything the last few updates from D.C. on the stadium situation make it seem like a move to Charm City is a real option. Not the first option or the best option but definitely a viable one. It almost seems we're being braced for it through a series of honest updates that will make for a nice bread crumb trail if a move to Baltimore ever happens.

But let's hope it doesn't because D.C. United belongs in D.C. Not in another city or a random beltway suburb. Although the location of their future stadium is unclear it's fairly certain that RFK Stadium, their home for the last 16 seasons, will not be the place they call home 16 years from now.

What to do when there's no future at home? Tough decisions could be looming in the nation's capital and not just on The Hill & in the Oval Office.

No Love for LA


For whatever reason, this week LA has usurped Rebecca Black's "Friday" as the focal point of America's hatred. Luke Rodgers thinks their captain is "a prick". Former striker Carlos Ruiz says they ain't all that. And roommates/renters Chivas USA thinks their fans are as artificial as crash test dummies. Oh well, I guess that's just what happens when you're on top.

But on the flip side they did get awarded MLS Cup for this year. No matter how whack you think they are you can't hate on going somewhere that will be 80 degrees the week before Thanksgiving. So unless you live in Miami this is nothing but a win for all of us. Keep hating haters but know that LA will be giving you warm, sunny poolside tongue kisses in November. Just sayin'.


#LAvNY: A Meal of a Match (in Appetizer Form)

There's not too much I can say at this point about the most recent installment LA v. NY that hasn't already been said, blogged or Tweeted. With the exception of the Vancouver comeback game against Sporting KC, the first 45 minutes of this match were the most entertaining so far in the young season.

If you missed it because you were in the club, a bar or midnight mass you can catch the game in a 20 minute condensed version on Youtube. Knock yourself out.

30 Minutes in Portlandia

I won't give away the whole jawn here but Dropping Timber have a 30 minute + documentary from Portland's home opener. You should watch it. Unless you are sick to death of Portland, which I hear some people are, or you're Sounders 'til you die (or at least until you switch allegiances because the company moved you to Toledo and the Crew are the closest team).


Timbers Plane Almost as Dope as Big Bunny


Remember when FC Dallas flew that plane with the Dallas 'Til I Die banner over the Dynamo match last week? Portland just saw them their plane and raised them a wrap job worthy of any hip-hop label's promo van. Whether it's by accident or design I don't know but the rumor is that this plane is scheduled to make it's first passenger flight out of Seattle of all places.

Bravo Timbers. This is flier than a G6 (but it still doesn't top Hef's plane).

NSR: Washed Out "Eyes Be Open"

Very busy at work the last few days, little time for extra-curricular soccer talk. Isn't it ironic that I had more time to talk soccer when I didn't do it for a living? Oh well, enjoy the music.



It's that time of year again. Y'all ready for greatest NY-LA sports rivalry since the great East Coast-West Coast Skee Ball Wars of 2006?


Even More Jay DeMerit Movie Love

Here's an excerpt from Rise & Shine. Also, here's something some jackass wrote after talking to Jay DeMerit about the project. Now, go order the DVD will ya!

Will Bruin Dances with Bears

My first DJ gig ever was at a gay bar in Amarillo, TX called Maggie's Discotheque. So excuse me if a wholly different thought comes to mind when I see/read/hear the phrase "Dancing Bear." But now thanks Will Bruin I have a new, less leathery, image to draw upon. Thanks Houston Dynamo!

A Run-On Sentence On Torres & Gomez


Can we talk about now both Herculez Gomez and Jose Francisco Torres, along with their entire Pachuca squad, are on the transfer block and that grabbing JFT would be the only way Chivas USA doesn't look crazy for passing on Benny Feilhaber a few weeks ago and how Kool Herc should have signed when with MLS last summer when he was out of contract and his star was high because he's now seen by some as the American soccer equivalent of Four Loko for being a big story in 2010 but not before or since?

Help Kickstart the Jay DeMerit Documentary

The last time I co-signed on a documentary about a USMNT player the film never got released. But then again the film's subject, Claudio Reyna, was stinking it up on the field at a dear salary so perhaps the lack of enthusiasm around the project had little to do with my sad attempt at cheer-leading.

Hopefully the Rise & Shine: The Jay DeMerit Story turns out a little bit better. With your help and today's launch of a Kickstarter campaign around the project there's a good change that this baby will see the light of day; having viewed the film and spoken to Jay about it I can tell you that it's a movie worth seeing and a story that deserves to be told.

The cool thing about this campaign is that you can actually get something for your cash other than a good feeling. Depending on much paper you put down you can receive anything from a DVD of the film to signed cleats from DeMerit to a day on the pitch with the film's subject.

So go give damnit! This film isn't going to finish financing itself!


Pool x Soccer x Budweiser

I'm going to get this thing in New York for MLS All Star week if it's the last thing I do. This looks like the funnest "made up while drunk" game since bike jousting.

FOX Soccer Loses FSC, Gains Super-Great Graphics


Right about now I imagine Beyonce's "Upgrade You" is on blast at the FOX Soccer offices as news just broke of their new-look Soccer Night in America thingy that drops on Friday night. From the photos and videos it looks and feels more like FOX's NFL and MLB broadcasts. So long as it doesn't have the damn breakdancing robots I'm sure we'll all be fine.

Also of note is that the company seems to have phased out the FSC moniker. Is it just me or has every promo, press release and on-air read said "FOX Soccer" instead of "FSC" or "FOX Soccer Channel" as of late? New looks all around I guess.


23 Minutes with Pele

The Cosmos train rolls on with O Rei sneaking onto CNN just before the Bin Laden news broke. The revelation of this lengthy piece? Dude claims Pfizer told him Viagra, which he endorsed, was a heart medication not sex pills. Should I believe this? Hell no; the guy is 70 and his 2 kids that haven't even graduated high school yet.

Pele is doing it y'all.

Stuart Holden, JP Dellacamera, Some Flowers

An interview with the currently-recuperating-in-Houston, formerly-employed-by-Houston midfielder.

The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™ is...

Please pardon me for lunging at the obvious here, but Will Bruin is The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™. Did you see the three goals he put past D.C. on Friday? The third one wasn't all that but for a rookie in this league grabbing a hat-trick is no easy feat. Especially against the vaunted D.C. United defense...wait, what year is this? 2011? Not 1997? Oh.

Forget what I said then. The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™ is the wind at Pizza Hut Park.