The Backflip PK Rant

Did you see this clip that's going around of the kid who does the backflip PK? It's real special. Because he pulled it off everybody thinks this is cool but we all know that if he would have missed he would have been the subject of 263 "fail" posts.

BTW have I mentioned how over the whole "fail" phenomenon I am? It's dated, lazy, unoriginal and I just can't deal with it anymore. At this point it is the meme equivalent of doing the Budweiser "whaazuuuuuup!"

So while I'm whinging and moaning this a.m. here are a few other things that I just can't handle any more.

-Attendance jokes, particularly on Twitter: if you think we ALL don't know which teams have thin crowds, and that the reasons for this can be explained in 140 characters or less you need to stop reading this blog right now and call the phone number listed on this page. The ironic thing is that the same fan who calls out another club's attendance woes will go all bristly the second any Jim Rome clone makes mention of it. This is like badmouthing your mother then wanting to fight because someone just said "your momma's so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway."

-Calling games between teams not located in the same city "derbies": If the two teams involved are not part of the same Nielsen Ratings DMA it is not a derby.

-Open letters: If you really want a certain person or entity to hear what you have to say on a particular topic you really should contact them and not everyone else. Google is amazing for tracking people & organizations down and most of the time they will appreciate you reaching out to them rather than blowing them out on the internet. Or don't. But just be warned that when you write an open letter you look like the guy who rants at town hall meetings or his niche blog.

-Me: I need to lose some weight, maybe get my teeth fixed. And I should stop being miserable all the damn time. Remember back when TOR first started? Sh*t was all light and jokey and happy. Hell, I think I was happy then. WTF happened? Life.

-Trying to be hard at a soccer game in North America: Why are you trying to be hard at the stadium on Saturday evening when you were being Mr. Mom and watching Nick Jr. on Saturday morning? Do you realize that the American soccer fan has the highest median income of fans of any team sport in the country? Do you know that most of the players on the field went to college, many on only partial scholarships so they still had to actually have some money to pay for school and be smart enough to actually graduate on merit, not star athlete status. AND despite what songs we may sing at each other ALL of our parking lots are full of SUV's because in North America the beautiful game is "the bourgie-ful game." Sh*t you probably paid for your ticket & Fred Perry attire with a credit card...how the hell is being bank-approved worthy of hard man status*? Just saying.

-Friend requests from people I do not know: If we've never met, emailed, swapped comments or tweets why should we be Facebook friends? And why would you send me a friend request without a note explaining who you are if I don't know you? And if I don't know you why would you want to see pictures of my kids or my vacation? That's weird, right?

-People who are offended by this post: Why is everything about you all the time? Ugh. It's so exhausting.

*Have you seen this Tipped Pique Cardigan from Fred Perry? So bourgie, so hard, so dope, so me.


Ryan said...

This is pretty fantastic. A+

Michael said...

Amen brotha!

Anonymous said...

Jadakiss - Why

EastBayGrease said...

"Trying to be hard at a soccer game" is pure poetry.

Todd said...

been trying to bring back the wazzzzzupppp for like 3 years now. Just hard when I have only 3 friends, it is slowly moving viral campaign.
great post, only critic is that cardigan needed patches to rock my Volvo driving two kid having Phineas and Ferb watching small city wardrobe.

best of luck on finding your smile again.

SF said...


We're a Volvo house (league sponsors get my dollars).

Derek_M47 said...

An Open Letter to SF (See what I did there?)

Dear SF,

At the surface level we all want the same things for the game in North America. We want to see the quality of play improve. We want it to gain more traction in the public eye so it can gain the resources to do so. We want to raise the general knowledge level of those who are open to learning the game and will be the ambassadors to bring more along with them. We should all be in this together regardless of club affiliation. But it seems to me we spend far too much time fighting each other and those who will never care about the sport we love to make the kind of difference we are all capable of.

Too often we are mistaking general douchebaggery for faithful support. Ignorant ranting as unwavering passion. The North American soccer community is becoming its own worst enemy. Far more damaging than any army of "Rome Clones" or any other closed-minded naysayers could be. It's getting exhausted trying to deal with people who claim to love the game and then sabotage it from within. No, everyone in the stadium doesn't know your songs, and they might not understand why you wear a t-shirt with the face of a player who rarely left the bench like its a badge of honor. But they might some day. And they should be embraced. Everyone should be embraced.

The game is beautiful. And so are most of the people who love it. Those who chose to use negativity as a source of self-importance are a waste of all of our time.

To you, Mr. Francis, I can only say that I have enjoyed all the work that I have seen you put into this blog since I first discovered it. You do a great service to everyone who loves the game and wishes to see it grow to its full potential here. Remember that football will give back what you put into it, and so will life, and so will those who care about you. Above all else in regards to this site... Do it for you. Those of us who truly appreciate what you are doing will support that. Those who don't will just move on to something else to rant on soon enough, and really aren't worth the bother.

Keep up the amazing work you have done and continue to do. I for one think the site continues to shine through the clutter and brings a positive focus to the game we love.


SF said...

Wise (and kind) words man.

One thing I remember from the last presidential election was Obama saying something to the effect of when it comes to contemporary news media, "he who has the loudest, shrillest voice is right." I think we've gotten to that point in the soccer world, maybe more from us fans than though than the media. It's kind of sad but true.

Anonymous said...

or you could just kick it in

Jason Davis said...


Anonymous said...

hahahaha. Made my day, this post did. Saying it like it is is almost offensive today. Great points, and like someone above said, good luck finding your smile again.

eighmee said...

fine SF, i'll stop internet stalking you.

Mingo said...

Some wise guy once said "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways."

And you know, no message could have been any clearer.

Do what you gotta do SF, find that happy again.

Anonymous said...

Actually SF, The term Derby isnt just used to refer to 2 rivals in the same city. Its just another word for rivalry and its used when 2 teams belong to a similar group wether that be in the same city, league or country. When people use the term to decribe the Man C vs Man U derby for instance they usually mean "local" Derby. Where as Real Madrid vs Barca is the Spanish Derby.

thurd said...

First time long time. I wish there was a like button on this.

A.Ruiz said...

Wrong, the Real/barca games are a "Clasico". Which is not the same as a derby, also...stop saying it "darby". It's like saying it "chow-dair" for the sake of it. I mean, be consistent at least call it the "kentucky darby" and wear a "darby hat".

A.Ruiz said...

But seriously, wtf...north america != Canada and the US.

It refers to every country north of the darien gap and I dunno, but I don't exactly think the crowd at saprissa matches have the highest income per capita of north american sports.

SF said...

Ugh. Fine. The U.S. & Canada. You happy?