The Goals That Launched 1,000 "Dempsey Drops a Deuce" Posts

Texas' greatest export since this guy led Fulham to the promised land of victory over mighty Wigan Athletic today. Drink a Shiner, eat some brisket and drop a promotional rap single in his honor today please.


VIDEO: RBNY's "The Moment"

This is an outstanding clip from RBNY focusing on Joel Lindpere's goal that put them on top of the Eastern Conference to end the season. I was behind that goal when he put it in the back of the net and the place went beautifully, gloriously mental. Afterward Mike Petke thanked the fans for their support, giving them credit for helping the team turn itself around following last year's disastrous season. For both the fans and the franchise it was special...it was a moment.

NSR: Miami Horror "Holidays"

The only thing I like about summer is summer anthems, the kind of songs that radiate sunshine & good times. And maybe cooking out and the wife in a summer dress but other than that summer can eat it. I hate sitting next to smelly folks on the train and getting swamp crotch on the daily for no reason at all. Plus, all the good tv shows go off the air. In short, summer = suckage.

But it's almost summer in the southern hemisphere which is wear this bangin' slice of Aussie disco comes from. Maybe I'll just move down there with Danny Allsopp on his homecoming tour for a few months and perfect my "Melbourne Shuffle" while taking in all the summer jams that the country has to offer. But then again, I'd have to deal with swamp crotch...best pack some anti-Monkey Butt powder and get on with it.

Psst RSL, Lemme Show You Something

Is it just me or is it weird that FC Dallas' Bobby Rhine is just giving away the secrets to the team's battle plan ahead of #RSLvDAL? I'm probably reading too much into it but this is kinda like U2 telling you the setlist, lighting cues and the precise moment that Bono will breath heavily into the mic and say something grand while taking to his knees just before the final chorus of one of their more socially conscious numbers the day before the show.

Where is the element of surprise here? Don't they know that Jason Kreis has Youtube as well? I know Utah is kinda out of the way but the internet works in the Rockies too. Silversun Pickups got it right y'all, there are no secrets this year.


"People Tell Me Sometimes That I Have Skin Like Baby Peaches"

I can guarantee you that this hidden camera video of David Beckham and a masseuse has nothing to with Becks coming out of a Thai massage parlor late one night and everything to do with Ellen and David being bezzie, bezzie mates. This is actually much funnier than I would think it would be...and I think I'm going to call Becks "Ricky" next time I see him.


Studio 90: The Mo Edu Inquisition

You know how when you watch the Grammy Awards they have Amy Winehouse performing "live via satellite" for fear of there being no cocaine left in America when she leaves because she is far too irresponsible to be put on a plane to LA? This is exactly like that except Mo Edu doesn't have a drug problem or a new album to hype and Kammarman doesn't have to announce the winner for "Soundtrack of the Year - Animated Film Category"...he just gets to sit there and look pretty (stiff).

Steve Nash x Landon Donovan x FIFA 11 (Again)

Fact: Landon Donovan is secretly Canadian. Did you know that? It's true. His father is a hockey-playing Canuckistani. Perhaps that's why he and Steve Nash work so well together, because there is some common element in the maple syrup & Molson-flavored blood that runs through their athletically comedic veins. Seriously GolTV, sign these two up for a series...I might even subscribe to you then.

NSR: Daft Punk x Tron "Derezzed"

Oh. My. Sh*t. Daft Punk is back, Tron is back and I am as happy as a Omar Cummings in front of an open net. For me the best part is that this touches on my own personal trifecta of geekdom: electronic music, sci-fi and soccer (that's Michael Sheen, who played Brian Clough in The Damned United, looking like Starman-era David Bowie at the beginning of the clip). Can't wait until December.

Yankspoitation: Is It a Real Thing or Something That's Just Made Up Like "Free Speech?"


While watching this clip of Jozy Altidore from the La Liga site I started wondering if people in other countries obsess over their national team players who live on the fringes of their club as mush as we do in America. I love me some Jozy, Gooch and Charlie Davis but let's be honest here, those guys get tons of ink and MB's dedicated to them for guys that ride pine more often than they run on the field.

Maybe it's just because they're American that they get all this attention; Lord knows I would never visit the La Liga site if there wasn't something about one of my people on there. It's probably all down to that most sinister scourge of the internet, page views, and we're just targeted in some sort of international "Yanksplotaition" plot designed to boost traffic. Like K.C.'s Sunil Chetri signing but to the tenth power. I'm not a big conspiracy guy I just have a hard time believing that, say, Andrew Boyens is getting mad write ups in New Zealand while being a forth stringer in New York.

Somebody tell me, am I way off here?

Most Disturbing Unfounded Rumor of the Day: Frings to MLS


When RBNY signed Rafa Marquez I was kind of bummed but I've got over my sh*t fairly quickly -most likely due to the fact that the club is winning for the most part. But if they ever signed Torsten Frings, who says he wants to come to New York, I just don't know if I could take it. All they would need to be the most hated club in American soccer would be to pick up Jim Rome on a free transfer and assign Koman Coulibaly and Hugh Dallas to officiate every match.


The King of Carsi is No Kevin James

Another great supporters-centric video from VICE this time from that weird borderland of European football, Turkey. I wonder what it would take for them to do a profile on an American supporters club. Oh wait, I know the answer to that.

Want a Job With MLS? Go to Minnesota!

Who knew there was a fantasy camp for soccer sales people?

Alex Nimo Has Just Given RSL License to Fleece Portland for His Services


Somebody please call Alex Nimo and tell him how single-entity and MLS work. Apparently dude is under the impression that he holds some sway and can possibly help facilitate his continued stay in Portland as the team moves up to MLS, even though RSL holds his contract, by claiming that he'll quit soccer if he has to leave the Timbers. I'm sure this "Rose City 'til I die or quit soccer full-stop" attitude will go over quite well with the Timbers faithful but I'm guessing RSL will be less than enamored by it.

I know he's only young but it is all just too much for such a young player to try and dictate his destination. I mean who does he think he is, The Biggest Midget in the Game™? Portland is great and all but damn son, RSL flew you out to MLS Cup and gave you a beer shower when you didn't even play for the team last year! And you're not even 21 yet so that shit's probably illegal! Where is your loyalty man?!


Ready. Set. Playoffs!

Get your tickets 'cause it's on like Donkey Kong. The playoffs are finally here and it's gonna be some sh*t. LA v. Seattle, RSL v. Dallas, New York v. San Jose and Columbus v. Colorado. I don't know who's going to come out on top of this thing but the West is just going to be brutal. Whoever makes it out of there alive should have no problem taking down whoever wins the East. None. Zero.

Like I said though, buy your tickets soon and in quantity; nothing looks whacker than an empty stadium during the playoffs.


A Hip Hop Anthem for the Least-Street Club in MLS

Judging by the inclusion of Freddie Ljungberg & Sebastien Le Toux I'm going to guess this joint came out last year but since it's new to me it might new to some of you too. Beats the hell out of that Grammatrain song with the ECS (and by the way the ECS were better singers on that track than the band's vocalist) but still sounds like a it was done by a JV version of Eminem.

A Random Ramble on D.C. and Baltimore


"I’m assuming that the [Baltimore] feasibility study won’t come out until after election day. We’ve had conversations in the District, and there’s a couple of developers helping us. Again, it was an election year so it wasn’t something that anybody wanted to be talking about front and center. I believe that the incoming mayor wants us to remain in D.C. We have to figure out how to do that in a way that makes sense. At the same time, there’s a real opportunity, I think, in Baltimore. We’re going to have to weigh the realities that we’re faced with."

-D.C. United President & CEO Kevin Payne to the Washington Examiner's Craig Stouffer

I'm not one to take jabs at fans of other teams about any potential move that may be on the horizon. I'll talk about your mayor and your momma but joking about your club being relocated just crosses the line; some things have to be sacred dammit.

For this reason I haven't messed with D.C. & their situation in the foster home that is RFK Stadium. But the more I read about this B-more feasibility study and the less I hear about any other options I'm really starting to feel like it only a matter of time before they relocate to the land of crab cakes and Natty Boh.

Now I'm not a United fan by any stretch but a move for them would be a real shame for the club and it's fans (and the league). Still, if they had to go somewhere Baltimore would probably be the least painful option. Like I said, I hope it doesn't happen but it beats moving to Orlando or someplace whack like that (sorry Aztex fans).

Basking in What Passes for Glory in the Jaded Kingdom of Taurine


Good morning America! How the hell are ya? I'm great. My team is not as bad as usual and have finished the season at the top of the Eastern Conference for the first time since...let's just say it's been a long-ass time.

But even though I'm feeling good I'm not going to get too ahead of myself because being top of the East does not mean what it has in past years. Seriously, the conference is so sad & busted this year it's almost like they replaced 4 or 5 of the clubs with D3 teams in some sort weird, soccer version of the Pepsi Challenge just to see if anyone could tell the difference.

Basically my boys are the kings of the MLS short bus...but I'll take it. So if y'all don't mind I'm going to just bask in this until we end up facing Seattle, Dallas or (shudder) RSL in the post-season and get our balloon popped from the West. But until then, I'm rockin'.


Jozy Altidore Is Ready For His Close Up (and a Cheese Steak)

Vice is still killing it y'all. I'm just going to come out and say it; they have shamed all of us who create content on the regular with the We Are Eleven series and the world is a better place for it. In today's bit of grandstanding they kick it with The Boy King of New York & Jersey™ & mom dukes over a cheesesteak at Gino's in Philly. It's not the best episode but it is the first one with an American angle (and an MLS tie-in). Quality.

Wondolowski The Hottest Thing to Hit the Bay Since Hyphy

There was a time in 2009 when joked on the very blog about Chris Wondolowski. I said something to the effect of "Where the hell does San Jose think they are going to get the goals from, Chris Wondolowski?" A year later I guess the answer "hell to the yes."

If you didn't see dude's hat-trick-in-a-half performance last night go to the day job and check out the highlights. Having scored the 'Quakes last nine goals he is totes & completes on fire right now; if this fool doesn't get the MVP I will protest in my own office.


VIDEO: The Ryan Pore Mixtape

So Ryan Pore is back in bigs. And in case y'all forgot, this is what he can do.

How To Win Friends and Impress Bloggers, Pt. 1


So from time-to-time I get emails from people I've never heard of representing blogs I have never read encouraging me to exchange links with them. There is never any explanation as to why I should, just that I should. These requests are often carried out in a very presumptuous manner that includes text, a link, html code and a reminder for me to "let them know when the link is up."

Folks, that is not how you get someone --or me at least-- to start reading or linking to your blog. How you do it is with humor, style & threats...with special emphasis threats. See the email I received today from the malignant little sh*ts (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) at The Third Kit for an example.

What's crackin SF? Hope all is well with ya. I know your First Team blogroll is precious real estate, but here's why we think you should add us to the squad:

1) if the blogosphere had a Social Service, the TK would be T.O.R.'s foster child.

2) if you don't, the Revs will beat RBNY tomorrow and we will smite JPA with a season ending toe jam.

3) you're on ours ;)

Won't be offended if you choose not too. Only the playoff fate of your beloved Taurine Toros depends on it.

PK and Big Sleezy

That is how you play the game people. Now go check out The Third Kit and the other blog/sites to the right. Not all are soccer-specific but all of them are perfect for high-minded low-lifes such as ourselves.

Galaxy Continue Quest to Lock Down Pacific Rim

Can I just say that I'm super-stoked that the Gals are returning to Oceania again. I love the fact that for once there's actually an MLS team out there playing the role of off-season mercenary. I'm also down with them going to Australia for the second time following 2 trips to New Zealand, 2 trips to Hawaii and jaunts to Seoul, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Vancouver in the last few years. It's like they are trying to own the Pacific rim and I'm feeling that; nice to see some international brand ambition from an American club.

But to be honest my favorite thing is that these tours always give me something to blog about during the post-MLS dry spell; there's always a classic post or two that comes out of that.


NSR: I Promise This Is the Last Time That I Point it Out...

...But Rose Elinor Dougal out of The Business International, Mark Ronson's new band, is positively dripping with sultriness. Heterosexualist males and homosexualist females, try your best to ignore the warbling of Phantom Planet's Alex Greenwald in the background and just soak in the outlandish lusciousness of Ms. Dougall. It's only 30 seconds but even that is damn-near too much....but if you need more go here. That's it, I'm done.

Something About a Cat Ripping a Soccer Ball & Life & Death & Windmills & Tiny, Bearded People

Do I know what this video is about? No? Do I know what's behind it? Yes. Drugs and lots of them.

The Power of Heritage (And Crazy George Looking, Well, Crazy)

Are you a Bay Area resident who likes soccer and the 70's but aren't afraid of angry, drumstick-wielding geriatrics yelling at you? Well then, may I suggest you order the The Power of Heritage on DVD? What's that you say? You can't spare the paper "in these tough economic times™." Fine, then watch something similar to it on Facebook here and here...cheap bastard.

Grant Wahl x Thierry Henry


I doubt there is a "Henry Experiment" book in the works but if there was it would probably read something like Grant Wahl's piece in SI this week on RBNY's resident Frenchman Thierry Henry (who some say will be even better than NY's last French player, Elie Ikangu). It's a good, insightful read on one of the league's big names but I'm feeling like the timing is awkward as it falls at a time when fans are starting to ask questions about TiTi.

Coming off of the heels of a no-show in Philly it kind of feels like dude is something of a part-timer (partially due to fitness & injuries). I have a lot of love for the man but if I'm being honest I need him to come out on-fire in the playoffs to rekindle the love affair. Without sounding too much like Carles, I'm feeling a little "meh" about dude right now. Please prove me wrong TiTi, please.

[UPDATE: Dude may be out for the playoffs. Am I gonna have to wait until 2011 to exhale.]

Øyvind Alsaker Now Norway's Most Famous Announcer For All the Wrong Reasons

Y'all ever heard of Steve Clark? No, not the one from Def Lepard but the American kid that play in Norway. Yeah, me neither. Anywho, he got a start over the weekend and the announcer, Øyvind Alsaker, didn't realize his mic was hot while expressing his views on Clark, one of Clark's black teammates and his opinion that rural people get their lady's preggers earlier.

If you'd like to see the entire clip of this Jacktard, go here.

Viva Futbol Has Now Been Around Longer Than Most American Marriages

Congrats to Alarazboy for bringing us 5 years of soccer sickness. Most bootleg video providers don't last anywhere near that long before getting shafted by the long arm of the FCC, FIFA, UEFA, the EPL or some other governing body. Keep on hustlin' Frenchie.


What Happens in the Tunnel Does Not Stay in the Tunnel

So I was down in the Illafith over the weekend mixing a little bit of work with pleasure for the Union-RBNY match aka the Debacle on the Delaware. If you've never made it over to PPL Park you may not know that the player tunnel that comes out from beneath the supporters section crosses an open walk way. Basically they just thrown up a few barricades and bring in a few cops while the fans yell things about cocaine and douchebags at the opposition while rooting on the Union. Definitely something unique in MLS.This was originally intended for use on that other blog but since there are bad words it's getting played here at the arthouse cinema instead of the multiplex.

Video: The Spanish National Foosball Team

I love this. Can you just imagine these guys leaving the house every night to go smoke, drink beer and play foosball in the name of "training?" Amazing. I bet their wives fathers all refer to them as "my lazy-ass son-in-law _________."

FIFA 11: Mobile Version Isn't Meh


So how's everyone feeling about FIFA 11 now that you've had a few weeks to mash its buttons? I'm OK with it but I think this is one of those off years that comes for the franchise every 3 or so years; my main issue is that through balls seem to be much less likely to find their target this time around. But maybe if EA Sports honcho Peter Moore's vision of a persistent, evolving FIFA franchise (as opposed to annual) comes to fruition I won't have to wait a year to see an improvement in this.

Conversely I could just play more and maybe get better at it. But being that I have little-to-no spare time as of late (I'm finding that being something bordering on a proper adult is quite time-consuming) I've actually played FIFA 11 on my iPhone more often than I have played it on the PS3. But the funny thing about that is for the first time ever I think I actually like the mobile version as much as the console version; usually the mobile FIFA seems completely extra and unnecessary but this year's seems like a much tighter affair, more of it's own game than a dumbed down port of the console. Worth copping if he have a lot of downtime on your hands.


Your Little Supporters Club Ain't Sh*t, Part 2

I'm not one of those people that thinks that American soccer has to be a direct reflection of foreign leagues. Our game should be played with the same rules --thank God the shootout is but memory-- but the culture surrounding it and its set up should be uniquely ours.

Having said that there is a marked difference between clubs and franchises. I could write 1,000 words about it but why should I subject anyone who may happen upon this blog to all that when this video from VICE demonstrates so perfectly what true clubs have that franchises lack (at least right now). But just watch it, you'll get it.


"I Ride Around Cities in a Chariot, I Get Preferential Treatment at the Marriott."

"My teeth are bright and my hair is clean
I wear Paco Rabanne like I was Charlie Sheen."

If you haven't copped Mark Ronson & The Business International's Record Collection yet you simply must. Stylish, genre-breaking, international indie-pop at its finest...a record that makes me feel far more fashionable & worldly than I have in years. Also Rose Elinor Dougall, the lady on the left, is as sexy as she is talented; definitely the most sweatable woman on the planet right now who I am not legally bound to.

[UPDATE: If this song sounds familiar to you it may be because it is featured in FIFA 11]

Basketball-Soccer Mutual Appreciation Society: FIFA 11 Edition

Landon & Stevie,
Sitting in a tree the back of a Humvee
Landon with a Sharpie,

Match-Fixing: The Movie!

Since it's Halloween season let's start the day with a spooky story. So gather 'round and hear the frightful tale of a football dream-turned-soccer nightmare. It's entitled I Don't Blame the Beautiful Game and it features a man with a hook for a hand. Oh wait...that's a different one. This one has men with baseball bats and foreign accents (no, not the Yankees).


Sutu: The Soccer Game for Norman No-Mates Like Me

Christmas is coming, someone please buy me one of these.

"Gone Pablo Angel, There's Only Gone Pablo Angel"


So Big Al Hopkins dropped a tasty 'lil nugget over on Twitter a minute ago, saying that "classy JPA has known since MLS ASG in July he would not return to @RBNY. 4 MLS clubs tried & failed to trade for JPA." This was after JPA himself said earlier today that he knows "for a fact" that he won't be back in NY next season. So basically start planning your candle light vigils and tribute tifo now to avoid the post-playoff rush.

Props to JPA for doing such a nice job on keeping his lips sealed and his game tight. Someone more ghetto than him (me?) could have just wilded the hell out and acted way ig'nant for the last
3-4 months. But the big question is who else was interested? Any guesses?

[UPDATE: Hopkins named names on Extra Time Radio today: D.C., Seattle, LA and (shockingly) Colorado where the teams who made offers.]

The Case for Steve Nash to Be Cast in the Next Season of Jersey Shore

Can a Youtube video get a "BallinOuttaControl" tag? I think so. Particularly if it features Lando and Steve Nash playing FIFA 11 in a hotub which is affixed to the rear of Humvee limo.


Last Night's Party: U.S.-Colombia

The prestigious TOR award for Most Liberal Use of the Word "Highlights" goes to....U.S. Soccer. You know you're my guys but just like me in a Speedo (photo withheld), last night was ugly all the way around. We've got a slew of talent at D-mid and....we've got a slew of talent at D-mid. Alex Lalas asked if we've really improved since '94 and he's now got me wondering the same thing...care to contemplate alongside me?


Viva Futbol #61

More great moves and horrible music from Alarazboy. Viva futbol!

Cornholing with Kevin Alston

Maybe it's because I am 12 or maybe it's because the game is called "cornhole" but when I listen to this with my eyes closed it sounds much more dirty that it is.


VICE Visits The Church of Maradona

For years I've had this idea in my head for a "Welcome to the Church of MLS" campaign. There would be a TV promo with a wild, Pentecostal-esque service going on with a supporters group for a choir, The Don seated in a bishops throne, stained glass windows with Brian McBride, Ariel Graziani & Cobi Jones on them and maybe even Arsenio Hall reprising his preacher role to extol the virtues of a life of soccer piety. It'll never happen but I think it would be funny and visually arresting.

But to have a quasi-real church with a soccer player, let alone Diego Maradona, as your deity is just sorta creepy. I'd never crack on anyone's religion --how & who you worship is your business so long as you aren't sacrificing virgins and taking child brides-- but this is just one of the most nerdtastic things ever. Angentina, you have so much to answer for.

Pitchfork Gives Red Bull Arena 3.5 Stars


First it was Vampire Weekend, now it's Phoenix who are showing up pitchside at Red Bull Arena. So insane. I'm debating if this is crazier than the fact that they are headlining Madison Sqaure Garden later in the month but I'm on the fence as to which of these two truths sounds the most like an unfathomable rumor. To make the whole thing even more outlandishly fashionable Phoenix singer Thomas Mars (allegedly) even brought his baby-momma, Sophia Copolla, with them. I have no confirmation of this but I'm guessing there was nothing left in the way of champagne & fine cheeses by the time this lot left the building.

Between these guys and the sudden rise in Anglophile fans since the advent of the Thierry Henry era it's like Bowery f***ing Ballroom over there. It's nice to see professional soccer in New York finally become something bordering on sexy, both on and off the field. If part of RBNY's plan when signing TiTi & Rafa was to make their team hip as well as relevant, I think they're getting there. Carles would be proud.


Abby Wambach Hates Hot Dogs & Anyone Who Eats Them.

Damn Abby, that's some cold sh*t!

The Worst Thing to Come Out of NJ Since the 2009 RBNY Season


This. If they were ever to hook up it would be the most convincing sign of the apocalypse yet.


Video: Kammerman in the Club With Bocanegra

I ain't trying to bag on Soccer Talk Live....buuuuuuut....this is how you do it. Well done Kammerman & co.; I could watch something like this on the regular if you feel like frequenting more bars with a camera crew in tow.

A Soccer Ball More Electric Than the Sounders Third Kit

This is really cool...a ball that harnesses its own kinetic energy and spits it out as electricity. Created four brilliant ladies straight outta Harvard University (Ivy League liberal elite, stand up! Woot, woot!) this ball could do amazing things in the third world. Things like providing the next generation of Drogba's with power for their FlipCams so that they may upload videos of themselves doing work on their local pitch so that they may get that much closer to doing work in a European stadium of note.

Dude Opening Box of MLS Cards is Our "Double Rainbow" Guy

OMFG this CAN NOT be real? It's 14 minutes long so at first glance you think there is no way you'll get through it. But once it starts you just can't stop because it's pretty much amazing for all the right and wrong reasons (but there is still no reason to watch more than the first 6 minutes of it). I've never understood why people watch videos of people opening up things but when viewed as a comedy sub-genre I totally get it.

And believe it or not I have a box of these exact cards on my desk. I'm such a f***ing nerd.

P.S. Can you believe he even has a special, long thumbnail on his right hand for opening the packages AND that he pulls a Beckham card first? Dude is the champ.

I'm Going to Show You This Pele Thing But...

...this is the last time I mention anything Cosmos related until these fools pony up and announce that they have a team. Until then I'll be sitting quietly in my grubby little corner of Blogspot ruing the sad devalutation of one of the most storied names in American soccer history. While I admittedly support a team that is one of the most brand-focused entities in the domestic game, this marketing exercise for a team that doesn't exist has grown very tiresome, very quickly.

According to CD9 Scar Tissue Is a Real Thing, Not Just a Red Hot Chilli Peppers Song


Since the World Cup there has been a noted absence of Charlie Davies progress reports on Twitter. I guess Bobby Blue Eyes was able to really reach him during their heart-to-heart back in May. Sh*t, if you asked the two of them I'd bet as least one of them ended the convo with "good talk."

But now that a few months have passed, CD9 is giving us the real talk on the injuries, the surgeries and the rehab in ESPN's Body Issue. There are also a few photos of the permanent reminders that the Oct. '09 accident left with him. The one of his ripped up, and not in the Chris Pontius way, abs is particularly poignant; dude's "treasure trail" is now rough enough to require four wheel drive.

Being "Big in Philly" is the New "Big in Japan"

You can tell David Beckham has never played in Philly before. For the past 3 days it's been 2007 all over again with boatloads of old-school "BeckhamWatch" news coming out of southeast Pennsylvania. "David Beckham ate a $100 cheesesteak with lobster and truffle oil." "David Beckham is practicing at UPenn and taking pictures with coeds." "David Beckham was at the Phillies game, propelling Ray Halladay to only the second MLB post-season no hitter since the Eisenhower administration and sharing a bag of chips with Ryan Howard."

I love it. It's like he's still the biggest thing in soccer over there. And judging by the apparent joy on his face while answering the exact same questions he answered in every MLS city back in his early days with the Galaxy, he loves it to. Nothing like the sports equivalent of a Japanese arena tour to make you feel special again.


New Portland MLS Hype Video

Damn y'all. If I hadn't already pledged allegiance to MLS and the Taurine Army I might be more than a little curious to see what this whole soccer thing was about after watching this promo clip outta Portland. Nice job of trimming out the fat (notice there isn't a single shot of DSG Park or Gillette Stadium in there) and leaving nothing but the more savory aspects of MLS.

Video: Don Garber Live From London

Here we find The Don, who I believe is in London for the Leaders in Football conference but don't quote me on that, speaking to the English about The Trendiest Topic in Soccer, Today™: American ownership of English clubs. It's pretty short but somehow everyone with a blue passport, green money and red blood gets his name dropped including the least-despised duo of Randy Lerner and Stan Kroenke. Good times.

Your Little Supporters Club Ain't Sh*t

There was a time, the early part of the 2000's to be precise, when Vice Magazine was the guide to my snotty little downtown existence. It had the best reviews of the worst music, highfalutin articles about Appalachia & Indian reservations, the Dos & Don'ts and artsy flesh-filled photos that would make you hesitate to read it on the subway. And it was free, natch.

Anyway they've been pushing out a couple of soccer-specific videos as of late via VBS.TV and the newest one is the best. It's about the Corinthians supporters group in Brazil, their racktastic "Miss Fiel" and their all-encompassing dedication to their team. Dudes are no joke. They even show up to support the team at practice and have banner's large enough to cover the whole of Dick's Sporting Goods Park.

I don't know about y'all but I am now reminded on a personal level of how I've slipped as a supporter this year. I gotta get my sh*t together y'all.

Ian Joy on Turning Pro, Man United & Zee Germans


You know Ian Joy right? The former St. Pauli & RSL defender who's now under the employ of the Portland Timbers? The one with the big, f*** off skull & bones tattoo on his back next to a completely questionable 'lil devil tattoo? Yeah that guy.

He's doing a 4-part series of posts for Dropping Timber chronicling his journey from a childhood with a father as an ex-pro to his time in the Man United youth academy/meat grinder to St. Pauli to Real Salt Lake to the Timbers and every place in between. You should read it unless you are Crew fan; in that case you should be too hungover from drinking away last night's sorry to read.

Take a Gamble on the Gambian Gamer


Sanna Nyassi, the hero. Who knew? Not me but WTF do I know. Still give the kid his props for bagging both goals last night for Seattle and becoming the first MLS player to score multiple U.S. Open Cup goals.

Say, here's a random bit of trivia. According to Wikipedia this isn't his first time playing the role of cup final hero as he scored the game-winner in the 2007 Gambian FA Cup for his previous club, Gambia Ports Authority (whose unfortunate, sailor suit image-evoking nickname is "The Ferry Boys"). So knowing that, if the Sounders make MLS Cup you should call your bookie the second they qualify for the final and put whatever paper you can on a Seattle victory with this 'lil guy nabbing the game-winner.


Steve Nash to Produce Pele Documentary


Forgive me but I'm going to take a moment to pimp my own work from the day job. I know, I know. It's tacky and tiring to bring my work home with me but honestly how often do I do it? About as often as Mista scores in league play so c'mon, let some sh*t slide.

So what's so great that I have to bring it up here? Just a bit from a Q&A with Steve Nash. Dude's all about film-making right now and has a Pele documentary in the works with director Bill Guttenberg, who has apparently won an Oscar or two. This could be great if the man who once played Cpl. Luis Fernandez in Victory actually cooperates but that's a big if; the most famous of all Cosmos wasn't even in the definitive NASL documentary Once in a Lifetime because he wanted to get paid for the interview.

But if it happens, mark me down for an appearance on the red carpet at the premier because I'll be all over this like 50 cent on Chelsea Handler. What? You hadn't heard about that craziness yet? So amazingly random, right?!

Kool Herc on the Q&A Cut


In case you missed it, my blood brothers over at The Original Winger have an excellent Q&A with Herculez Gomez from earlier in the week. You should check it out before The Man makes it illegal. And by the way how completely bad ass is it that the reigning Mexican Golden Boot co-title holder is an American?

BTW if you don't get the "Kool Herc" reference watch this clip; dude is basically your hip-hop DJ granddad.

Video: Dear Mr. Hicks

Dear sweet Moses this is powerful stuff. Hollywood filmmaker and Liverpool fan Mike Jefferies, the man behind the Goal! trilogy, spent the week in Liverpool making this video as part of a campaign to let fans express their desire to see the club's American owners, Tom Hicks and George Gillett, get the hell away from Anfield. Sh*t, he even got Ian McCullough in there looking like a moody Unibomber speaking his mind alongside the every day fans.

I know it's a business but damn, when the fans hate you this much you really have to question yourself as a man, not a businessman, as to whether or not what you're doing is necessary. Is your pursuit of paper really worth this much sorrow?

German Player Uses His Hands on the Pitch in a New, Even More Frowned Upon Way

The Germans were forward-thinking enough to hire a female ref for the Bundesliga, Bibiana Steinhaus, and I'm pretty down with that. But not as down as Hertha Berlin's Peter Niemeyer who copped a feel in her debut match. It was an accident but c'mon guy, you had to do that game 1? Not cool cousin. But hey, this happened in a country so sex obsessed that they have a sex shops in the country's busiest airport so maybe I shouldn't be shocked.


Chris Pontius: Bachelor Baller


Cotdamn Chris Pontius. Why ya gotta go out all shirtless with your abs all ripped up to f*** and making the rest of fat guys look worse than we already do? Do you just go play pickup games like that, with your whatever-those-side-muscles-are-called just hanging out for the ladies and homsexualists? Or was this photo taken on the set of the Abercrombie answer to Untitled (How Does it Feel)?

Seriously fool, I loathe you (for your physical superiority and for the team that employs you) but I hope you win this Cosmo Bachelor Blowout thing (vote here). Do it for soccer. Do it for your club. Do it for all of us who have torsos the shape of that ball your holding and can't get a sniff of love from that magazine's readership.

"Since I Was in L.A. I Thought I'd Clean Up the Shop a Little Bit"

What's with the boom-mic guy? Dude's a total muppet but this is what you get when you hire the F.O.O.F.S.* Still though, as bad as he is with the stick I'd rather work with him than the woman who's working on Steve. Watch it until the end and you'll see what I mean.

*Fresh Out Of Film School. I went to film school and, oddly, the things I remember the most are all the stupid nicknames and lingo. That and that Rashoman is beyond over-rated; anyone that says they like that is just trying to make themselves look deep in an attempt to sleep with your art-damaged ass.


The Conor Casey Mixtape

Finally, all 40 of Conor Casey's franchise-record setting goals are available in one place for the first time! Order now and receive a free Headblade!

CONCACAF Goes Bigtime, Gets Match-Fixing Allegations

Match-fixing allegations
in CONCACAF Champions League? And in a game involving an MLS team? Say it isn't so!

Actually I'll say it isn't so. I know next to nothing about match-fixing --I'm not a Serie A fan-- but I'm going to guess that it surely takes more than 10K to get a game thrown in 2010. I mean 10K? Really? You may as well offer up a used Ford Focus, 6 lbs. of salmon and an evening's worth of drink tickets at Dave & F***ing Buster's.

I'm calling BS on this one. In the end this will come out as the sporting equivalent of the lady who said someone threw acid on her and then later confessed that she did it herself: bizarre, unnecessary and untrue.