Slow Day (Or I Got Nothin')

I regret to inform you that there is nothing original to write about today. Everyone is talking about the Umbro thing, the Canada thing, UEFA league today but since I have nothing new to add to the dialogue I am going to sit this one out; no since in doing something just to do it.

Have a good afternoon and enjoy the music.


Taurine is a Hell of a Drug, FIFA 11 is a Hell of Game

Get Microsoft Silverlight

So I have been awake for over 36 hours now due to a combination of my inability to not think about heavy sh*t when I go to bed and a pair of post 9pm cans of Red Bull last night. I know I shouldn't drink those things so late but they were free and I was thirsty. That's what happens when you blag your way into the FIFA11 release party; there's always a price to pay for a night out in NYC.

Jon Conway is the Dream Killer

While in the net last night for Toronto FC, Jon Conway pulled off a rare "triple denial": he denied RSL a chance to win the game in stoppage time, denied himself a chance to live on in soccer blooper reels for all eternity and he denied us all the opportunity to heckle him mercilessly for making such Benny Hill-ass play. Oh what could have been.


Viva Futbol #60

You know what it is; the best in flicks, feints and flashy-assed fakes.

This Is Called "The Setup"


Read the first line of the second paragraph in this bit on Charlie Davies (pronounced: Char-Lee MUR-PHAY) from Boston.com. This is EXACTLY how the Thierry Henry-to-New York deal got started. And as much as I hate to say it, his European career looks like it might end sooner than later.

CD9 to NER in 2011, I'm calling it (based on nothing) right now.

"So I See Kevin Hartman, right. And He's Sitting on the Porch with a Pistol and a Model..."


Believe it or not this photo has nothing to do with a certain FC Dallas keeper forming a posse to round up that Frenchman up there in New York City. Nor does it have anything to do with the NRA, the PBR, CMT or seeing the bottom of the tattoo that is peeking out over his associate's gun belt. It's for charity. Seriously.

NSR: Duck Sauce "Barbara Streisand"

Armand Van Helden is not only the world's foremost Ali G and Dwayne DeRosario impersonator but he is the Madonna of dance music. No one has managed to change with the times as often and as effectively as he has. When I was 18 I discoverd him through the dark tribalism of "Witch Docter" at The Loft in Boston. When I was 20 dude put out one of the all-time Lizard Lounge funk-house anthems, "Phunk Phenomena." Two years later it was the summery "Flowerz" that used to get everybody on the rooftop dancefloor at Club Clearview. And a few years later he was cutting up Gary Numan riffs on "Koochy" and getting all LES during the electroclash era with "NYC Beat." And I'm not even going to go into the demented hip-hop science of his AV-8 Breaks 12 inches.

I guess if you have been in the game so long you can pull off grabbing So Me to direct your video for your new group with A-Trak, Duck Sauce, and manage to wrangle ?love, Ezra out of Vampire Weekend, Kanye, DJ Premier vocorder dude from Chromeo and Pharrell. There's also Babs Streisand impersonator in it who may or may not have been born with a peen. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

"Hey Dan Gargan, Why Do You Not Have a Shirt on?"

This is pretty funny even though it is a blatant swipe at my team. Not because it’s one of those Taiwanese animated reenactment's soundtracked by a vulgar Speak & Spell. It’s funny because it’s random-ass Dan Gargan talking sh*t to the world famous/notorious Thierry Henry. That’s akin to a literary jackass such as myself trying to throw shade on George Plimpton; nothing like the juxtaposition of status to put a smile on your face.


Time-Waster: Table Football X

Foosball is awesome. Video games are awesome. But can they be awesome together? Meet Table Soccer X, foosball's ultra-militant digitally enhanced cousin for the XBOX 360. Bean Pies not included*.

*That's a Nation Of Islam joke for those of you less familiar with the group that the Southern Poverty Law Center describes as a holding a "prominent position in the ranks of organized hate." They are known for slinging bean pies and a disturbing amount of hate speech around neighborhoods like mine, using X as a last name and being a fairly intolerant bunch of unfriendly people.

NSR: LCD Soundsystem "Home"

Fact: I was under the influence of alcohol in some of the very locations featured in this video during All Star week in Houston this past year. Small, party-robot filled world.

Wizards To Grace MTV Airwaves Tonight. No, Seriously.

Y'all ever watch The Buried Life on MTV? It's the one where the four guys travel around with their bucket list and try to do everything on it while also doing all manner of charitable work in whatever area they happen to be in? Basically it's My Name is Earl meets Jackass but turned down to 7.

Anyway, the season premiere is tonight and the goal for the guys in this episode is to streak a stadium. Yes, it's been done to death but since they're going to try to streak a Wizards game I'll give them a pass and tune-in (10:30pm EST). Or if I forget or just can't be assed I'll just call someone at K.C. and ask if they pulled this off or not in a bid to redefine the whole "On Demand" concept.

Becks vs. The Hater, Round 3

I recently said that I've been trying not to write anything that I wouldn't say to someone's face and here's a great example of why that's a good move. You never know when your snide remark will be seen/heard by it's subject and when it is you better have the stones to back up it. Otherwise you come off all chickensh*t like this dude. Not a good look son.

And to be clear I'm not saying Becks should be out confronting every heckler he comes across --when you are a figure that is as polarizing as he is I guess it comes with the territory-- but I kind of respect that he doesn't just lie there and take it. You'd think that after his run-ins with fans in K.C. and L.A. last year people realize that he's not going to be a clay pigeon for them to take shots at.


#LAvNY: Dress Appropriately


Be honest, you know you want one. So go get one.


David Beckham Speaks About The Future

Just his future, not ours or the general future that we all have to look forward to. You know the one where you get all saggy, have less sex, cry more and try not to get killed in some post-apocalyptic version of America filled with Terminators and whatnot? He's not touching that one so don't get too excited.

A Special Dedication to FC Dallas and the Wizards

The Comeback by The Shout Out Louds. Good song for a pair of great, gutsy come-from-behind performances last night; both teams refused to lay down and you have to respect that. As I am taking a vacation day today (and tomorrow) I'll drink to the both of them later at beer o'clock.


Becks & Diddy in Celeb Auction Bidding War

I have no idea how old/olde/auld this clip is but Jesus H. Christ can you imagine what Wayne Rooney and Diddy got up to on a night out in New York? Gun charges, women of ill repute, Cîroc snowcones...all kinds of sh*t man. They probably provided The Sun with a solid 3 weeks of headlines.

Also props to Beckham for selling the Jacob off of his wrist to Ashley Cole. You can't just part with a watch like that, especially one that your missus bought you, too easily. Unless you make David Beckham money that is.

NSR: Indie Girls Gone Wild


Wakeboarding X KwikGoal

Now this is some sh*t. Usually I stand firmly against the combining of soccer and extreme sports but this is kinda fun. Mostly because no one is listening to Sublime in this or driving an SUV with DaKine stickers on the back (as action sport-type so often do) but also because John Lorcan is kind of a badass/jackass to try this. Don't try this at home kids. Seriously, you'll get f***ed up.

Today in Stadium P0rn: 10 Minutes of K.C. Stadium Talk

Here's a little something for the stadium porn addict in you. The Backpost caught up with David Ficklin, OnGoal Vice President of Development and lead honcho in charge of making the Wizards Stadium rise from the Kansas earth and came back with nearly 10 minutes of hot stadium talk from atop the under-construction supporters section.

It's informative stuff and mildly beef-tastic; dude takes a swipe at _______, saying "this is the first authentic American soccer stadium....there's other buildings in this league that are very similar to buildings in other countries that have been brought in here. We started from scratch...it's about taking the best elements from really unique stadiums around the world."

As the place comes together I'm rethinking my previous assessment of it's place in the MLS stadium pecking order. I think once she's up and rocking I think she'll break the tie for third place with Rio Tinto; Rio Tinto is losing points with me lately on an aesthetic front for leaving the stage exposed so much this season. Stage = Do. Not. Want.

Kaka Drops Enrique Iglesias-esque Slow Jam

We know break from our regularly-scheduled programming (hair/penis jokes, block letters, domestic soccer) to bring you the lastest Brazilian football disaster: Kaka's pop duet with his missus. I just played this in the office and someone said "Is his wife a singer?" My response: "Well, Nick all of us are capable of singing." Make of that what you will but I'll give him his due for having the stones to write and perform a song for his lady.

So where does this rank in the pantheon of midfielders on the mic? Personally I think it lands somewhere between Youri's jam and Zidane's chorus on that Love United track from a few years ago.


And The Award for Best New Drama Goes To...


What's the most dramatic thing on TV right now? Gossip Girl? Perhaps...but the made-for-TV event is #LAvNY is gunning for that number one spot. Think I'm playing? Blogger please. Lemme ask you this...

Does Gossip Girl have international superstars caught up in injury controversy? And does that same star, improbably as it may be, pick up the same injury? And does his club announce that he's not traveling to LA while not informing the coach, who says that he hasn't picked the squad yet? Does Gossip Girl feature training ground walk-offs from good players who may not be feeling the same love they used to feel when they where the only DP in town?

And that is just what's poppin' in New York; that's not even addressing anything that's going on in LA. Personally I'm loving all the buildup and the drama as it adds to the evening's story lines; so far there are already enough side-stories to keep us from having to hear the announcer talk up an artificial U.S. v Mexico angle between Lando and Rafa.

Henry Buys Multi-Million Dollar Ballerdome in Soho


Y'all want the real reason* TiTi isn't traveling to LA for the Beatdown in Tinseltown? Frenchy's gotta move. It seems dude has just splashed out on a $9m apartment in Soho so obviously this Saturday will be spent in a college sweatshirt & a baseball cap moving boxes up & down the stairs with the help of his bros. He bought beer and everything because it's kind of the done thing when you move. The MCL thing is just a smokescreen.

[Update: Recent RBNY converts the Wall Street Journal have more details: the price is actually in the neighborhood of $14m and the property features "4,500 square feet of outdoor space, including a bamboo grove in an interior courtyard".

P.S. Do you know why single men in New York buy ass castles in Soho? Direct access to models. That is all.

*If you think this is the real reason you are high on crack cocaine.

New FIFA 11 Trailer

We're only 10 days away from the launch of the latest thumb-swelling installment of EA Sports FIFA series, FIFA 11. And here to tell you all about it are an Englishman and an Italian. There are also a bunch of Galaxy fans on a couch (insert your own "there's only been one sell-out at the HDC this year"-joke here). Happy Tuesday everybody.

3 Minutes with The Don

The Don is on a west coast swing right now, stopping off in Portland for a few days of speeches, meetings, interviews and a stadium groundbreaking. Yesterday he sat down (or more like stood in the street) with KATU's Katy "Doo Doo" Brown to talk all things MLS and Portland expansion.

For me there are two things that stand out in this clip. The first is that the commish gives Portland it's due and points out that the Timbers draw better than some of the league's existent franchises. The other is that the powers that be have somehow managed to sell 3 teams to the total tune of $100m during a recession. I'm not a rich guy so that last point just sounds cotdamn impressive to me; I can't even sell my house right now and it cost far less than what Kasey Keller makes in a year.


KISS x FC Dallas + RBNY: The Numbers Are In


Remember that KISS + FC Dallas game promo from a few weeks ago? When I saw that I, like many others, wondered if reaching out to the KISS demo would yield any results. Maybe I should have wondered in the other direction because more people turned out for the FC Dallas-RBNY portion of the bill than for the geriatric rock show end of the deal: FCD drew 15, 105 while the concert just hit 12,000.

Soccer 1 - Dinosaurs of Rock 0

Barflying: Trinity Hall

If you are in Dallas and need A) beer, B) food, C) new friends and D) soccer on the TV may I suggest Trinity Hall? I hear it's a good time and their food looks good enough to attempt jumping through the monitor for.

DeRo for Canadian of the Year


Two of the things I am going to do before the calendar year is up is to A) start a Canuckistani of the Year award and B) give it to Dwayne DeRosario at MLS Cup if it kills me. Why? Did you see his pair of damn-near identical set-piece bangers against Houston? The man is single-handedly keeping the suicide rate from skyrocketing in Southern Ontario and he should be commended for his work. Seriously, this kid is keeping TFC's post-season hopes alive damn-near on his own; if you see him out, buy his ass a Molsen's (and a properly-sized bicycle).

Wells Thompson Has a Posse. Or a Tribute Blog at Least.


This is silly. This is entertainment. This is With Wells Thompson.

Scuttlebutt: Jay DeMerit to DeCanadian Espansion Team


So the word out of Canuckistan is that the Whitecaps are allegedly trying to woo Jay DeMerit north of the 49th parallel. Sounds cool other than the fact that it could leave Jay sitting around getting all doughy and sh*t until pre-season camp begins in Feb. On the surface it looks very similar to Philly's move of bringing Danny Califf back to his home continent for their inaugural MLS cruise. Hopefully Jay-D will be just a wee bit more gentle and less prone to collecting more cards than Topps warehouse.


Xango x Real Salt Lake Supporters

RSL shirt sponsor and mangosteen drink slinger Xango has a new series of glossy & flossy adverts starring RSL supporters group La Barra Real and I ain't mad at that. Nice to see a fellow supporters group regardless of what team they support get a bit of shine from time to time; better that America see the flags, songs and smoke associated with the MLS game than the orange slices and mini-vans it often ties to soccer.

Birds, Tim Howard is Coming to Break You Off


I haven't done anything for the ladies and homosexualists in while have I? No? Well here you go: Timbo takes it all off except for the gloves (you never take the gloves off) for ESPN Magazine's upcoming Body Issue. What do you think ladies, could he get it? Or are you still stuck on Gooch's showing from last year?

I'll understand if you don't answer right away. I'm sure you need a minute to take all this in; I have to do something similar when I come across particularly tasty photos of Meghan Goode.

Old Guy from Shawshank Redmeption x What the Government Calls Hyphenated Americans x U.S. World Cup Bid

They're doing their part, are you? Just sign the damn petition. Please. My kids will be in middle school by 2022 and I imagine they will be expensive and Qatar will be out of my economic reach. So please, help a brother out and bring the cup back to 'Merica.


U.S. U-20 Loaned to Celtic, Coronation as USMNT Striker of the Future Inevitable


Y'all ever heard of Gustavo Ruelas? Neither have I. Apparently he's a U.S. U-20 player from California who is under the employ of Santos Laguna. Or he was under their employ as he's now been picked up by Celtic on loan.

Good for him. Now, internet, let us begin the process of penciling him into the lineup for the Yanks in 2014; even though the vast majority of us haven't seen him play I'm sure we'll still say he's lock to make the plane to Brazil along with Charles Renken, Johnny Exantus and Badr Seyam. Do me proud internet, do me proud.

Now Here's Something You Don't Read Everyday.


Here's something you would NEVER have read until this year. And if I'm being honest & conservative it may be a little too early but here it goes anyway. SLAM Sports, the Versus of Canuckistan, imploring another MLS club to emulate the New York franchise. Somebody stop the world, it's turned upside down and I need to get off.


Marquez Keeps Good, Comely Company at New York Fashion Week


For those that don't know, New York Fashion Week is one of the most outlandish displays of couture consumerism and red-carpet exclusivity the world has ever seen. It's a showcase for the most talented, connected and chi-chi designers and labels in existence (and recently it's started challenging CMJ as the premier music event in NYC).

It is also the place people far more fabulous than you or I go to and be seen being far more more fabulous than you or I. For an example, see MLS' own Rafa Marquez (which still sounds weird as hell to say) ballin' outta control in the front row of the Luca Luca show yesterday. Who are his fellow fashionistas seated beside him? (From L to R) Kristin Cavallari (The Hills), model Petra Nemcova, actress/model/Mrs. Howard Stern Beth Ostrosky, soul singer Debra Cox and singer/Junior Beyonce Solange Knowles. Not bad (or bad looking) company.

Finally, at long last it looks like we have a challenger for Clint Mathis' title of MLS' Socialite King of New York. And it's about damn time.

And Now a Message From the TOR Dept. of Couch Potatoism

Guess what y'all? The playable demo for FIFA 11 is now available in the Playstaion Store and Xbox Live Gold members from Xbox Live Marketplace. So you know what I'm doing tonight before the RSL-TFC & Philly-SJ games come on tonight at 10pm...geeking the f*** out.

My One Regret About the Macoumba Kandji Trade...


...is that I never found a good excuse to use this photo in conjunction with a Ballin' Outta Control tag. Sigh. I guess I'll have to find a new dream.

Coming to a Browser Near You: Dying Bravely

Have you seen these Dying Bravely videos that's been doing the rounds? They're incredible, some of the best bootleg USMNT clips I have ever seen. I know the word "epic" is as played out as Interpol right now but that really is the best descriptive for something as long, engrossing and emotionally charged as this; watching Mo Edu's disallowed goal again for the first time in months is still just as infuriating as it was in June...especially in 60fps slo-mo.

Anyway the chunk I've posted is part 2, which is the middle section of the story. To see the whole thing as one 11+minute-long test of your Youtube will, click here. Be warned though: there is a good chance this sh*t will trigger some wild-ass mood swings in a relatively short amount of time. Might be best to view this out of sight from co-workers lest you wish to look like the office crazy person.


NSR: Boxer

Can't quit this record lately. Again. It's real Jersey but still pretty cotdamn good stuff even if you don't know where Toms River or New Brunswick are.

And the TOR Award for GLAAD's Least-Favorite Tweet of the Day Goes To...


...Rohan Ricketts. This is just whack. So incredibly whack.

P.S. George Michael wrote the bassline to "Everything She Wants"; you can take his freedom but you can never take that away from him.

No Mo' Mo in Toronto


By now you have heard that many of the TFC faithful have gotten their wish and MoJo and Preki are out the door up in Ontario. I ain't gonna bad mouth Mo too much because A) loosing your job sucks, B) I'm trying to not write things that I wouldn't say to anyone's face and C) the combine is going to be much less fun this year without the presence of these two. No one in the league can pop champagne with the frequency & generosity of Mo Johnston; add him to Ft. Lauderdale and you've got a recipe for having the best time in the worst bar in America.

That's not to say he gets a total pass. Make no mistake, as an RBNY fan I've experienced the effects of MoJo on a team and it wasn't pretty but we got off easy compared to what the Cancukistani's have had to put up with. But right now, he's out of a job so I ain't gonna bring up old sh*t and instead imagine that, he and Preki are in the back of chauffeur driven town car right now enjoying a bottle of champers while on a bee line for Montreal (those guys are going to need a coach and a GM soon, right?).

Former New York Coaches Are Doomed. Except for Bob Bradley Because He is Curseproof.


When does coincidence become a curse? I honestly don't know but I think that someone recently put a hex on Metro coaches of old. Check out the victims list from the last 7 days: back in the day gaffer Carlos Queiroz got the boot from Portugal last week, Juan Carlos "The Professor" Osorio just got the chop down in Columbia and there are rumors of "Trader" Mo Johnston's demise in Toronto. What to make of all this? Basically if you have worked the sidelines at Giants Stadium and you are not Bob Bradley, watch your Backe!

Herc Gomez In Ambiguous Tumblr Photo Spread


Who loves fan-fiction? Twilight-ers and D&D geeks, that's who. I don't know if there is much in the way of soccer fan-fiction out there but why not take the time to create some now if no one's doing it already? And don't give me any "SF, that's not cool" BS; I read MLS blogs, I'm not too cool for anything but MISL.

So I found this random & ambiguous post on Tumblr. Details are scant but from what it looks like some surf guy ran into Herculez Gomez on a flight to Mexico, ended up crashing at his house and somewhere along they way they got pulled over by La Policia. What I think went down was that they met on the plane and the guy was all like "Dude, Bradley should have started you in South Africa. We would have won it all." And then Herc was like "You complete me, please come and live with me." But then some heavy sh*t went down with La Barbie and El Grande which resulted in a car chase and a narrow escape. Then the mystery dude went surfing only to never be seen again. Or until the sequel. I call it "Brokeback Mexico"; it's like Thelma & Louise meets Point Break with a hint of Goal II: Living the Dream sprinkled over the top.

"There is Not One Person in Soccer Right Now That Will Beat Me Running, Including Leonel Messi. "

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Yesterday at the day job, I said that with both His Ginger Majesty and Chad Ochocinco on Soccer Talk Live last night at least one of them would say something quote-worthy. So when Ochocino rattled of the headline of this post I made laser guns with my fingers and went "pew pew pow!" and immediately turned my attention to trying to arrange for him to run the 40 against Dane Richards, Marvell Wynne and Omar Cummings.

He also said that he wants to play soccer in 2011 and is now engaged in a hot & bothersome Twitter courtship with the Columbus Crew. Good luck to them because I think they're going to have to spit a lot of game for a glamorous guy who is "bros" with Ronaldinho & sends direct messages with Cristiano Ronaldo to pick C-Bus over Europe no matter how interested he is in a trial. Besides, D.C. United already has a discovery claim on him.


Viva Futbol #59

Awwwww sh*t! Alarazboy has finally given us a new mixtape to salivate over and this time it features more than a cursory nod to our very own MLS. You gotta love a healthy dose of domestic ankle-breaking sprinkled into the big black pot of outlandish moves from around the globe. All I can say is it's about cotdamn time.

Thanks to Jrodius for the heads up.

Pour a Little Out for MLS on ESPN.com

I may be wrong about this (I'm often wrong about many things according to some of the comments) but it really kind of looks like ESPN has just given up on really covering MLS online. Check out the MLS page on Soccernet: all the marquee programming on the left hasn't been updated in since before the World Cup. Sad shit y'all. I'm not one to quote post-"Joints & Jams" Black Eyed Peas but seriously, where is the love?

Ream for ROY. Count It.

Get Microsoft Silverlight

So now that Tim Ream is scoring and Danny Mwanga is injured, can we call the two-horse race that is the 2010 MLS Rookie of the Year for Timmy? I'm not saying he's perfect (the kid has made more than a few rookie mistakes and gotten burned for them) but playing every minute of every game in your first year is a feat. That's not to take anything away from Mwanga's productivity but if his team isn't playing in November it's pretty much a non-factor. Ream on the other hand has helped his club make a 180 degree turn from last season.

So informal, way-to-early, comments straw poll: Ream or Mwanga for ROY?


The Return of Kammarman

Just when I thought this Friday was completely lost, we get the return of Kammarman! Haven't seen my dude on Kamera (see, see what I did there?) in more than a minute. In the clip above he gets to grillin' Bobby Blue Eyes with a bunch of Twitter-submitted questions; it may sound somewhat "meh" but we actually get to find out exactly why Rico Clark was on the field against Ghana, something so crushingly ponderous that I can't be the only one who has been wonder "WTF?" since late June.

The Not-So-Secret Soccer History of Ndamukong Suh

You read about the NFL star's footie past, now see & hear about it live & in color! Or something equally hypetastic.


NSR: Cee-Lo "No One's Gonna Love You"

I know everyone is all caught up in the anthemnic genius of "F*** You" right now but lemme just turn the clock back to July for a hot one second. That's when Cee-Lo dropped his alt-love, road movie video for his cover of Band of Horses' "No One's Gonna Love You." A lot of folks slept on it but I think it's high time we wake up.

BTW this is the NSFW version, the PG-13 version is here. Watch it if you aren't in a Brief Nudity Safe Zone.

Photo of the Day: JPA & TiTi Hit the Other U.S. Open Thingy

Check out these two fabulous sons of bitches (and I mean that in the nicest way possible). Just chilling up in Queens on a Wednesday, rocking box seats at the U.S. Open like it's no big deal. I imagine when you're 2 of the few real, international sports icons in MLS it's actually not a big deal at all, it's just how you roll.

I guess Rafa couldn't make it, what with him captaining Mexico this week and whatnot. Shame that is because I bet he also wears sunglasses that cost more than I make in a week; for reals, those three would make one hell of a man-band.

The question is will the band be together for the 2011 season? Or will some New Edition type of sh*t go down and one day we'll look up and JPA will have been replaced by Johnny Gill? Oh the intrigue!

[UPDATE: Looks like JPA is wondering what the future holds as well.]

Who Wants to Smell Like The Beckhams After They've Made Out in an Elevator With No Circulation?

People who shop at Walgreens apparently.

[Spotted at TOW]

The Day the Blog Stood Still

Today is superwhacktastic. Nothing in the news worth writing about and I can't find a single clip on the various tube's that make me do a Shep Messing-esque "Wow." So the floor is yours. Any suggestions of topics worth touching because I've got nothin'.


NSR: Dance It Up

Sorry for the "music" tag twofer today but I can't let another day pass without posting this. Totally gafflin' it from my brother from another mother, Faux Fur & Soccer Shirts, but I'm sure he won't mind; the execution of the plot is hilarious and the track is the best Italo-house collaboration Depeche Mode never did with Sylvester. So dropping this tomorrow night at The Annex.

The Way We Were: Adidas' Rock the Pitch

Remember this noise? It was kind of fun. Still can't believe D.C. United actually managed to get Bad Brains to do a go-go thrash song for them though. Unf*ckingreal. Still, NY did have The Rapture in their corner so it wasn't a total loss for us. But if you are Revs fan it was a much different story because y'all got screwed and Damone did your song...and that band is horrible.

In case you never heard these or for some reason want to revisit all 14 of them, check out the audio player on this page. $5 and a pile of Heath Pearce's mustache trimmings to anyone who can make it from the Mike Jones track all the way to the E-40 cut in one listen.

New Kings of Leon Video Has Soccer, John Melloncamp Vibe

I really should ♡ this video. I ♡ Kings of Leon (Only By the Night was a fine record that inspired an obnoxious TOR micro-meme a few years back), black children (I used to be one and even made a few of my own with my missus), soccer (do I really need to elaborate on this one?), cookouts (had one last weekend) and ruralism (I think most of y'all know I'm kinda country). But here's the deal: after watching this twice I can honestly say that when it comes to the new KoL video I do not ♡ it all.

Do. Not. Want.

"That Black Goalkeeper Didn't Have Any Chance. He is a Very Big Minority"

Looks like somebody has been watching reruns of Boston Goals on the Ocho.

Even More Rohan Ricketts Writning: Now With Sexy Bits!


So former TFC fan-favorite Rohan Ricketts has dropped a new, sexy time edition of his Secret Diary of a Footballer series for Sabotage Times and judging by heavy retweets it's getting everybody loves it. But then again it combines soccer & sex so how could you not love it?

I won't give too much away about it but I have to give the guy his due for dropping so much real-talk on us without fear of consequence. If this whole Moldovan thing doesn't pan out (and by pan out I mean if he doesn't latch on to a team in a non-former Soviet bloc country) he should take a run at being a columnist on the regular. I for one would love to see a bit more behind the curtain.


TOW x Thierry Henry

Y'all know I'm down with Dunny & co. at The Original Winger right? Check out his interview with TiTi from Friday night; good stuff. Serious respect for landing such a big fish.

[TOW x Thierry Henry interview PT. 2]

S.O.B.'s Shockingly Resistant to Funky 90's Rap Music

You know why head S.O.B Bryan James is my guy? Because he can stand still and give an interview with a straight face while the Humpty Dance blares in the background. How he does it I really don't know; my behind would just have to move once that rubbery-ass bassline was within earshot. This, without a doubt, is truly a triumph of the human spirit.

Meet Mike Flaherty: Wizards Equipment Manager & Ricky Gervais of the Midwest

Do you remember when the U.S. Women had those promos with Dwight Schrute as their P.R. person? This is about is kinda like that but funnier because this is not an actor but the actual Wizards equipment guy. Amazing. I want to go to the bar and play drunken trick on him so hard.

[H/T Hillcrest Road]

Grant Wahl: Live in Arkansas!

I'm not going to crack on the state of Arkansas. I've only been there once, for a single day, and while I was there I had probably the best German chocolate cake I've ever had. Plus it birthed The Gossip and I can't be mad at that.

It also birthed William Jefferson Clinton, he of Oval Office BJ fame, and is the home of the library & school that bears his name. It was there that Grant Wahl brought his dapper, skin-headed self to speak on all things soccer for the people of the Ozark state. Someone whose job undoubtedly includes the annoying, time-consuming task of "encoding" did us the solid of uploading the whole thing so you can spend an hour of your employer's time taking it all in instead of doing something mundane, joyless or expected. Happy Summer's Over Day everyone.


This House is a Circus: An RBNY Mixtape

The team: RBNY.
The band: Arctic Monkeys.
The videographer: Paul Conners.
The results: Outstanding.

Obligatory Brian McBride Post


So McHead is retiring. You probably read that on ________ blog because on a slow news day like today that is the only thing worth mentioning so far. I would write some glowing, adulatory exposition on what he's meant to American soccer but how can I top the Lego tribute? I can't, I just can't.

Sunflowers in the Land of Tall Trees

Last night Timbers fans said "Holla atcha" to PGE Park's days as a minor league venue when their team played it's final home game of the 2010 season. How did the sold-out crowd say goodbye? With sunflowers. Never seen that one before but hey, why not.


Red Bull Arena Pre-Game Hype Video

If you haven't made it to Red Bull Arena yet they show a new hype video telling the story of the season so far before each kickoff to kind get the crowd primed. They're kinda cool and I ran across one from a few weeks ago earlier today. Just thought I'd share in case those of you who are not Taurine-inclined where curious.

Fredy Montero Channels Eddie Johnson, Now Refering to Himself in the Third Person


Remember when the Grown-Ass Man started saying thing s like "What Eddie Johnson is not going to do is ______" and we were all like what? I mean dude had swag and all at the time but once you start talking about yourself in the third person it's only a matter of time before you're hanging out in Vegas with Spiedi at an event sponsored by AXE and Ed Hardy. The path to D-Bag City is that short.

So when Fabulous Fredy Montero says the following after last night's Open Cup win over Chivas USA, I hear alarm bells:

"Twelve goals, plus a few assists and that doesn't stop here. That's the beginning of what Fredy Montero can offer and the team can still offer a lot on the pitch."

Somebody, preferably Kasey Keller, needs to do an intervention on my dude quickly because EJ disease can only get worse. Seriously, it's up there with Exploding Head Syndrome (which, surprisingly is totally a real thing).

Women's Collegiate Soccer Violence: It's Back!

Remember last year when a certain soccer playing co-ed's unladylike behavior was nationwide news for a hot minute? Guess what? There's now a copycat and like most copycat's it pales in comparison to the original product. Still, Lil Jon probably approves.


R.I.P. Hatin' From Hollywood

It is with the sadness of 1000 Metro performances that I inform you that the always entertaining Hatin' From Hollywood is no more. It's a real shame because Jrodius' column was delightfully irreverent and vulgar in the best ways possible. Pour some out for him if you happen to be day-drinking at your computer right now.

Not only is it a loss for the soccersphere but also for my link list. Anyone have any suggestions? Need some new (not necessarily soccer-specific) reads so feel free to drop 'em in the comments.

NSR: Twin Shadow "Slow"

Feeling this local cat outta Brooklyn. I don't think he's blown up nationally yet but you can only hold back a delightful/disturbing mix of Freddy Mercury's trademark c***duster mustache, casting call-chic, nostalgic basslines and an outfit seemingly stolen from Schneider from One Day at a Time for so long.

Your Daily Reminder of the Unmatched Superficiality of TOR

This is what I'm talkin' 'bout Bobbo. No more tracky bottoms as those are for Chavs. No more sweatshirts, those are for sorority girls to wear while they are doing laundry. And no more polos; a gentleman only wears those when in the saddle, mallet in hand. Or at a corparate retreat.

The crisp shirt and Timberlake trousers are you cousin, I'm telling ya. Keep rockin' it like that and you'll be fighting off Jogi Loew and Bert van Marwijk for a place in the 2014 Fashion Final. Count it!

Phil Collins x LA Galaxy x Shortchanging Your Kid


As if the release of Sussudio wasn't reason enough to loathe Phil Collins, he actually allows his son to wear a full Galaxy kit. That's not a dig at the Galaxy or the kid, it's just that once you are older than, I don't know, 8 years old it's unofficial man law that you do not wear a full kit under any circumstances unless you are actually playing in game. Otherwise you end up like this. C'mon Dad, get it together.