Stop the violence.

Soulless in New Jersey

NSR: Wingsuit Jumping

Holy human-flying squirrels! These fools are nuts. Absolutely f***ing nuts!

FC Dallas x KISS x RBNY


Remember when FC Dallas did that crawfish boil a while back and I thought that was the end all, be all of ticket promos? Forget that noise. The bar has been raised and now that the hottest band in the world & the most balleriffic, big-spending club in MLS can be yours for less than the price of dinner for two at P.F. Changs. Can you say "Dallas, Rock City?" I smell road trip...New York fans, who's with me?!

[H/T to Press Coverage for the awesome, yet disturbing mime-like image]

11th Hour, Complete B.S. Transfer Rumor

Brek Shea FC Dallas MLS Soccer

I've decided to irresponsibly start a transfer rumor on the last day of the window because that's the done thing nowadays innit? So here it is: Brek Shea from FC Dallas to Borussia Monchengladbach. Why? Because he's been photographed with a foal and a glamour model. It's obviously a clue toward a move to Germany....or his less-likely casting as Bo in a new Dukes of Hazard series.

Also, Ruben Luna to sign for Buffalo City. You heard it here first (but I heard it from Buzz).


NSR: File Under "Unnecessary"

Is it necessary for a new fragrance to have a commercial promoting it? Possibly. Does said commercial need to star Evan Rachel Wood, be filmed in 3D and have a cotdamn trailer? Hell no. How the hell you gonna have a promo for what is essentially a promo? Blur said it best y'all, "modern life is rubbish."

That said there is one thing that I'm down for regarding Gucci's new campaign: Friendly Fires covering Depeche Mode's Regan-era, S&M discotheque anthem "Strangelove" for the soundtrack. Nothing like a trans-generational new wave circle jerk to make me pay attention to a ladies perfume advert. (shakes fist) Damn you Gucci, I fell for it.

STRANGELOVE by Gucci Guilty

Rohan Ricketts Takes You Behind The Curtain of Pro Soccer, Doesn't Even Try to Have it On With You


Just look at former TFCer Rohan Ricketts in this picture for a second. Look deep into his telling eyes, all the way to his soccer-playing soul. Can you feel him? It's almost like you can see all of his trials and tribulations as a commodity on the international transfer market.

Wait, what? I'm sorry, you can't see any of that in the photo at all can you? My mistake, I got the photo confused with this article he wrote about getting the shaft at Spurs and other uncool things that happen to professional footballers the world over ahead of tomorrow's transfer deadline. My bad!

Oft-Dreadful TBS Comedy Tackles The Futbol-Football Divide

Y'all gonna hate me for this (if you don't already) but I'm gonna make you watch a TBS comedy. It's the one where the antiquated, sometimes clueless Dad from Everybody Hates Chris plays the antiquated, sometimes clueless Dad for some other family and tries to convert his precocious, soccer-loving son into a gridiron fan.

I like the kid in this, he's got some good pushback for his old man ("I know a lot of soccer players who could easily play football. I don't know any football players who can play soccer"), co-signs on the fact that Hope Solo is indeed hot and he's knows that futbol is the real football. From the mouths of babes people.

Video: Top Skills Vol. 26

If you'd like to start your week off with a mixtape full of the nastiest goals ever committed to Flash this is not the video for you. In fact I don't think there is a single goal in it. This is just a bunch of outlandish stepovers, gnarly nutmegs and dramatic drags. Which is really just as nice as a tape of top-shelf bangers so good morning to you, America. Let's gooooooooooooooo!

Alecko Eskandarian & Kim Kardashian in Aremenian Blind Date Bust Shocker

Can y'all believe that Alecko Eskandarian's blind date with Kim Kardashian didn't pan out? I, for one, am gutted but I don't feel bad for Esky one bit.

I once interviewed Kimbo in the TRL green room and (hand-over-heart) it took a full 8 hours to wipe the sh*t-eating grin off of my face from just sitting next to her for 5 minutes on a couch; if I would've had the chance to break bread with her* I'd still be walking around looking like The Joker...all smiles, all the time.

But anywho it didn't work out and our Alecko is still (as far as I know) on the block, ladies. As for the next MLS-related reality show appearance the smart money is on Lando dropping by DWTS, but I'm holding out for Nick LaBrocca to "beat up the beat" on Jersey Shore.

*When I was single.


New FIFA 11 Trailer

It's that time of year people. EA Sports is on the cusp of releasing their latest couch potato-classic, FIFA 11, and are dropping trailers like D.C. United drops road points. Touting the usual new & improved features and upgraded graphics it has the potential to once again win the prestigious TOR Award for Quickest Route to Divorce Court in Under $60. And with an October release date, I'd suggest trading in your copies of FIFA 10 now while you can still get a smidgen of value out of it; once the new one drops, the old one is worth about as much as an autographed Juan Pietravallo jersey.


Viva Futbol: World Cup Edition

Life must go on...viva futbol.


Lamont Corwin John Francis: 1972-2010


The biggest influence in my life is my older brother Monty. He passed away suddenly yesterday at age 37 leaving behind a devoted wife, four beautiful children and a legacy of love & friendship with anyone he ever came across. For those of us that knew him our lives will never be what they were when he was here. And because we knew him our lives can never be what they were before he came into them.

He was my partner in crime, confidant, idol and educator. He was the kind of brother found only in a Hollywood film or the Holy Bible. From a young age he played fill-in for our absentee father and did what he could to try and teach me how to be a man even though he was but a boy himself. He always looked out for me and our younger siblings, perfecting his uncanny paternal instincts for the day when he would have a family of his own.

I've often wondered what would have happened to me without him in my life; it scares me because I know the answer is far more sinister than the blessed existence I live today. If I've ever done a good thing on this earth I can tell you that at its root, Monty Francis is responsible for it.

He really did teach me everything. When I was 6 he told me that the New York Cosmos were the best soccer team in the world. I disagreed and told him it was the Chicago Sting even though I knew nothing about them other than their logo was cool. When I was 10 took me to pick out first three cassettes: Midnight Starr's No Parking on the Dancefloor, Van Halen's 1984 and Depeche Mode's Some Great Reward.

When I was in Cub Scouts helped me earn every merit badge possible. He tutored me in catechism before my Confirmation. In 7th grade he came home with a 12" single of this snare drum-less music by a band called 808 State. "What is this?" I said. "House music," he replied. Mind. Blown. And he always kept me in check whenever I went off the reservation and got a little big-headed, selfish or ornery.

He gave me so much and I don't know if I could ever return the favor in kind. Not that that's why he did any of it, for some great reward. He was as selfless as is humanly possible. I was able to do a few things for him though, small tokens of tribute to my liege. The one that will stick with me until I join him was having the privilege of taking him to his first Man United matches, his favorite club. We saw them play in Philly and New York and he was so excited, so happy. After the match at Giants Stadium we were supposed to go see his favorite band, The Cure, play at Randalls Island but we were so full of light beer and tailgate sausage (not to mention dangerously dehydrated) that our pitstop to change shirts at my apartment turned into both of us passing out until 11pm. We missed the show entirely but made a midnight trip to Times Square, someplace he always wanted to visit. It was a perfect day.

I'm wrecked right now and feel like I've got an arm or some other major part of me missing. But I'm so grateful for the time I had with this most beautiful human being and all of the memories & lessons that he left me with and the love he gave me when he was here.

Goodbye and "thank you" sweet brother...I will always love you. I know that you are still watching over me from afar.


Should I Join Cobi Jones' Wine Club?

Should I join Cobi Jones' wine club? I'm thinking about it because A) I know precious little about wine other than it tastes great, B) to say that Cobi Jones selected the wine is a conversation starter and C) it is quite possibly the bourgiest soccer-related thing on the interwebs, today. And as some of you may well know, I'm a bourgie bastard on occasion.

And as you may have learned on Soccer Talk Live this week, MLS' original dread has a restaurant opening soon in Santa Barbara. It's called Arch Rock Fish. You should go there if you aren't too drunk on mail order wine to drive there safely.

Inside the Pro: Landon Donovan

In which our Landon explains our Robbie's presence in South Africa this summer.


Can a Less Than 90 Second FC Dallas Video Be Epic?

What do you get when you marry tastefully shot footage of FC Dallas, Real Salt Lake, a dancing cow, undulating cheerleaders, The Inferno in all its most slow motion-enabled glory and the tightest of empty space-reducing camera angles? This video right here.

It kind of has that epic feel about it but then again it's only 1:21 in length. Does this qualify as "epic" by today's standards or is there a length requirement? Is the emotion enough or does it really need to be as long as a Kevin Costner film or that tripped out, super-screwed but not chopped Justin Beiber thing that's doing the rounds? Is this is the most important question of our generation? And is this the most insipid post in the history of insipid TOR posts? The world may never know.

RBNY x Harrison + Newark Restaurants = Happiness

Last Wednesday I took my missus to her biannual trip to see the Red Bulls; she loves me and all but she's more into snowboarding, surfing and skating...not much love for team sports. We were joined by her sister and our brother-in-law, avowed fans of any sport God has ever deigned to let man invent. Before the match we hit Boi Na Brassa in Newark's Ironbound for a feast of meats so beautiful you almost don't want to eat them.

Neither of them had ever been to said restaurant or the Ironboud for that matter but now that they've been I don't think I'll have to do more than offer before they say "oh hell yes". I'm not the only person that has had this experience; it seems like every RBNY fan I know has taken a few newbies to Red Bull Arena, wowed them with pre or post-game food & drinks and now don't have to convince them to go to a game...something you almost always had to do to the uninitiated in the Giants Stadium days.

Anyway, as much as the fans love the restaurants in the area, the restaurant owners probably love the fans more. Check out MSG Network's look at the relationship between Red Bull Arena and the local businesses; apparently the way to a soccer fan's heart is through the stomach.

Video: That Thierry Henry Documentary

So it took a few days, but that Thierry Henry documentary, The Next Goal, has shown up on one of the various Tubes that are out there. Part one can be seen above while parts two and three are here and here. It's good stuff, well-produced (despite the presence of Don Garber's evil twin Dan Garber), informative and stacked with enough Arsenal highlights to keep you hungry for his first MLS goal.


NSR: Brandon Flowers " Crossfire"

Who likes swapping gender roles? If that means being tied to a chair while a fine assed, ninja sword-wielding Charlize Theron comes to save me then I'm down. Just be gentle Charlize (with me, not the ninjas).

Ronaldinho Is The New Puffy


Look at this picture and tell me you are happy that Ronaldinho didn't end up in LA. If he's rocking MC Hammer's old sunglasses with an Ed Hardy tank while accompanied by hairy-chested Eurotrash with "Thug Life" tattoos while he's in Montenegro, just imagine the unparalleled feats of full-on gaucheness this dude would get up to in LA. $5 and a case of bacon-flavored Diet Coke says that he'd be photographed getting out of a white Humvee limo outside of Hyde with The Situation, a Kardashian and an heir to a Greek shipping empire before the playoffs hit.

H/T to GoalyMoaly who have kinda been killing it lately.

Photo of the Day: Deranged Asst. Coach Terrorizes Galaxy Bench


This is Cobi Jones looking crazy as all get out. Feel free to write your own caption.

"Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays"

No matter how at peace you are with having to go today, Monday sucks and always will. The only thing worse is having to spend Monday in the presence of a jacktard co-worker like the guy in this clip. Here's to sack lunches, TPS reports, bi-annual lay off scares and daydreaming about giving said jacktard what he's got coming in the 18 yd-box.


Nery Castillo's Lady REALLY Loves Him

Here we have footage of Nery Castillo throwing out the first pitch at a Chicago White Sox game just like Blanco before him. That's cool and all but can we talk about how his unnecessarily attractive missus appears to have a prison tattoo of his face on her perfectly tanned arm? Amazing. You know your girl is down for you when she will deface a canvas as beautiful as herself with a line-drawing of your mug. Real love folks, real love.


Video: Landon vs. Fallon

Three takeaways from Lando's appearance on the Late Show with Jimmy Fallon last night:
  • Unlike many of us Landon Donovan is far better actual soccer than video game soccer.
  • The Late Show is has love for MLS (see Thierry Henry's PK shootout a few weeks ago).
  • Jimmy Fallon is the personification of the term "manchild," possibly in not-so-good way.

Mr. Ljungberg Will Now Answer Your Questions.

Who wants to talk to Freddie Ljungberg? You want to talk to Freddie Ljungberg!

Sebastien Le Toux is One Cold-Blooded Frenchman

Can somebody, anybody please tell me how Sebastien Le Toux ended up unprotected in an expansion draft? You can call me all the names you want but I am officially on his jock. Danny Mwanga certainly deserves credit for this goal but Seba's flick is on some other sh*t. To invite RSL over to your house to play and then treat them like this is so unfair, so unreasonable. I love it.


Not-Wayne-Rooney on Trial in Seattle


True story. This morning I said to a woman who sits near me in the office "did you hear that one of Wayne Rooney's brothers is on trial in Seattle?" She gives me an incredulous look and says "Really? What did he do?" She thought he was "on trial" like I'm-going-to-jail "on trial." If it was Graham Rooney I could see it, because that kid's a little heathen but we're talking about John here.

But yes, one of Wayne Rooney's kid brothers is on trial with MLS in Seattle. It's somewhat cool -in a pop cultural way- that a sibling of one of the most recognizable names in world football might play stateside but I think if he does end up here he's got to make it interesting.

For starters he could maybe change his name from John to Blaine so he could be called Blaine Rooney. Then he should fashion himself into the opposite personality of his famous brother; he could be all classy and whatnot, maybe even a little snobbish & preppy to the point where he could actually rock Burberry without looking like a total chav. It would be kinda WWE but it could be kind of fun...much more fun than him just being the English League Two version of Jeff Curtin.

Brazilian Extreme Soccer League Not Nearly as God-Awful as the Name Would Imply

Check this out. These boys are the truth; it's like the AND1 tour for people who don't like to use their hands. If people insist on playing the indoor game, the should play it like this.

No Geese Were Harmed in the Making of This Joel Lindpere Mixtape

I have no reason to post a Joel Lindpere mixtape other than the fact that he's nice on the field and I once saw him talking to a goose at Red Bulls practice. What he said to the goose I don't know. It could have been something simple like "What up goose?" or something sinister like "When I was a Soviet child we would have eaten you without hesitation." Who knows.

Do Garter Belts and Bridesmaid Dresses Come in Rave Green?

You know you are just way too into this sh*t if you propose to your lady via a banner on an away game road trip. At the same time though if she will go with you on an away game road trip and accept your proposition she is way into it and you as well so you should hold on to her for dear, sweet life.

Congrats kids, may your union produce many boozy Saturday nights and left-footed, attack-minded children.

Kyle Rote Jr. Channels Bob Keeshan For HOF Induction

You know what was my favorite show when I was a little, little kid? Captain Kangaroo. Dude lived in a place called The Treasure House, had that shocking red coat and shared the stage with all these zany-assed friends. It was pretty much amazing.

Kyle Rote Jr. lives in Memphis, wears a shocking red coat and shares the Hall of Fame induction ceremony stage yesterday with the decidedly non-zany Bruce Arena, Preki & Tom Dooley. It was pretty much meh, but way classier.

Landon Donovan: Coverboy


A few weeks ago at one of the All Star parties that was chock full of MLS players, Lando was the only one to roll in with a bodyman. That's not to say he's trying to be Big Willie or anything, he just kinda needs one now because he's a New York Post coverboy in the post-2010 World Cup world.

He's also the coverboy for the upcoming marriage-wrecker/ambition-vacuum that is FIFA 11. And as RSL Soapbox pointed out to me, you know what happens to MLS guys who land the cover of EA Sports' blue chip soccer franchise: a job with a paycheck that comes in Euros. If memory serves Kljestan and Edu were the last MLS guys to get that cover and you see where they are now; LD is as good as gone*.

*Or not.


See, Here's the Thing Chivas USA...

The thing is the goat is creepy. He's got that aggro-perv smile going while two comely cheerleaders in hotpants & knee socks stand beside him with their forced smiles that suggest that there is a gun pointed at them on the other side of the camera. And he's got a sixpack. Why does a goat have totally ripped-up, "gorilla juicehead" abs? So unnecessary.

For real y'all, I don't care how hot the girls are or how hot Justin Braun is on the field right now; the goat is messed up and would not make me want to go to a Chivas USA game. Somebody other than me has got to see it and put that thing out to pasture. I'm telling you if he sticks around it is only a matter of time before he gets "iced" by one of his goat-bros, asks a Chivagirl to go home with him, gets rejected and goes on a 'roid rage and gores a groundskeeper or some sh*t at the HDC. Seriously, he's liability.


Yura Movsisyan Commits to Armenia


I know there are some out there who were hoping to see Yura Movsisyanin a U.S.A. kit at some point but now that he's down with Armenia I guessing you have a better chance of seeing him on USA Network. But Armenia can have him since he's wearing a shirt that he stole from Jersey Shore Ronnie's closet.

On Depeche Mode and Clint Mathis

Just watched this Clint Mathis video and I'm feeling all nostalgic and whatnot for days gone by. This song goes back with me a little further than Cleetus but it's just a classic for me. If you grew up being miserable and wearing black in Texas, SoCal, Long Island or Germany in the 90's you loved this band...until this song came out and then all the kids that wanted to kick your ass on Monday were suddenly down with your favorite band on Friday night at the local teen club. The same thing happened in high school with Nirvana; yet another reason that high school was worse than Goal III.

Anyway I'm feeling it now that the backlash has been over for about 15 years. And with no games on tonight and the wife out of town I think I may do just this tonight...enjoy the silence. Or not. I always say I'm just going to read and go to bed or some sh*t and then I end up drinking beer while playing Bad Company 2 before finding myself on the computer and stuck in the Wikipedia hole until after midnight (and cursing myself for not going the hell to sleep).

"Your Tradition is No Match For My Ambition"

"Your Tradition is No Match For My Ambition." Somebody get that on a T-shirt ASAFP. Oh wait, this is a Nike ad. There probably is a T-shirt already.


Video: Jozy Speaks To "Young Hollywood"

How is Young Hollywood a show? Shouldn't it be a the name of a rapper from New Orleans? Someone who still rocks grills and has some loose affiliation with Master P & Birdman despite the fact that those two are old enough to have drank Cisco with their mom back in the day. Someone who Kanye will give a verse to on his upcoming record just so he can make an attempt at still being seen as "street." Someone whose songs the overly-quaffed DJ in the gifting suite* plays so he can attempt to be seen as "street." That's who Young Hollywood should be.

*Why is there a DJ in the gifting suite? As a DJ you love these gigs because you get more cake than Carlo but to be honest it's so unnecessary. Like anyone needs a soundtrack to talk them into leaving with a bag full free stuff.

Video: Young Jozy Scores for Villareal

While we all sit around and wait to see if Jozy is actually going to end up at Besiktas, Jozy is back with Villareal scoring against Besiktas. Nice goal but I still hope he doesn't end up in Turkey; maybe I'm a selfish fan but it's always such a disappointment when Americans get outsourced to the non-U.S. TV deal leagues. I actually like to be able to watch my USMNT dudes play club ball from time to time.

Chicago v. New York: Live! Tonight! Sold Out!

Happy Sunday everybody. I hope you're all shaking off your hangovers with ease this morning because you will need your strength today for the excessive amount of Sabbath-soccer on the schedule this evening. Dallas-Philly gets it cracking at 6pm EST and while the other Texas team visits Seattle at 11pm EST.

But like any good sandwich it's what's in the middle that makes it magical. Tonight the meat is Chicago v. New York and what looks likely to be an absolutely gaudy display of DP hotness. If you can find a TV at 9pm EST and convince your significant other to DVR True Blood, tune in to ESPN2 and take in the marquee match of the post-All Star schedule (until next Saturday when LA visits Red Bull Arena).


NSR: I Think I'm Ready to Totally Sell-Out as a DJ

Suddenly I want to throw my turntables in the garbage in exchange for this...thing; now we all can sit at home a pretend to be Daft Punk.

A: Edson Buddle in a Panera Bread Restaurant

Q: What is the most random combination for a celebrity autograph session?


Ljungberg, Klopas and a Tray of Cinnamon Rolls: WTF?

You may press play on the clip above and wonder what exactly it is you are looking at. I'm thinking the same thing so you don't have to feel alone. Just know that I am here for you and that comfort foods -such as cinnamon rolls- always help in these situations.

On Tim Ream, Marquez & Emperor Palpatine...


There's a nice piece about Tim Ream in the Miami Herald today that mentions him as a Rookie of the Year candidate and, at $40K a year, a total and complete steal. Like I said, it's not bad and you should read it if you have a minute.

You know what I really find interesting is that with Rafa Marquez now conscripted to Hans Backe's Taurine Army, the player that some -including myself- are tipping to be the heir-apparent to Carlos Bocanegra & Gooch in the U.S. back line has the opportunity to be tutored by the player that has been the biggest pain in the ass for our bitterest rival for the last 8 years. It is akin to Luke Skywalker doing an apprenticeship under Darth Vader; the New Hope gets the chance to learn the dark art of defending from the Not-at-All-Phantom Menace.

Obviously I know that Ream hasn't been capped yet and this is all supposition and so forth but it's pretty crazy when you think about it. And honestly I can't be the only one that thinks that Red Bull Arena looks like a starship and that Backe bears a shocking resemblance to Emperor Palpatine (and the pope for that matter) so there is obviously something there.


Captain Caveman to Coach United


So y'all know how I feel about Ben Olsen. As a MetroBulls supporter it is hard to feel anything but scorn for a man who killed us on so many occasions. But as a supporter I do respect what a player like him means to the fans. Anytime you have a guy that quite literally gives the oh-so-trite & chliche 110% every time he steps on to the field you have to worship him with out-sized tifo shrines like the one pictured above and refer to him as a "legend" as often as possible. And in our current climate of mercenary football, where playing for the badge really means little if there is a more lucrative option out there, his status as a United lifer is notable and commendable.

So I'll give it up to Captain Caveman for his appointment as interim honcho down in D.C. If I were a member of Barra Brava or the Screaming Eagles I would be as happy as a LiLo at a sleepover at Pablo Escobar's place; it would be equivalent to Juan Carlos Osorio being replaced with John Wolyniec.

But since I am a member of the ESC....boooo to you Olsen. I respect you but I can't like you; I'm sorry but you can't drop a hat-trick on us and a get love. I'm sure you can respect that.


The Cleetus Era Officially Ends This Weekend

He's done and I am sad. But I'm not going to go off on another tangent about how this man is what's missing in American soccer right now. I am also not going to do another post talking about him like he's dead. I'm just going to say that I have it from an unreliable source that every bartender on Washington. St. in Hoboken, NJ will be wearing a black armband tonight.

Video: Freddie Ljungberg Gives a Big "Holla Atcha!" to Seattle

Dang y'all. Ljungberg bid adieu to Seattle on live TV the other night; it's not totally amazing but still interesting. He keeps it classy but does make a point to clarify that he wanted to train and play with the team and wasn't allowed...which is interesting. I'm sure we'll here the "she said" from Seattle soon enough but until then 1-0 to the Swede.

Alexi Lalas and the NPRification of MLS

I realize that with a headline like that you might expect some overwrought 2,000-word treatise relating to sportscasting, recessive genes, people who shop exclusively at Whole Foods, soft-talking and how they all intertwine in some soccer-specific manner. But then again if you read this blog with any regularity you realize that this isn't really the place for grand exposition.

So basically all we have here is His Ginger Majesty live from the land of Schwetty Balls. To me the fact that Morning Edition is discussing Thierry Henry and Mike & Mike still aren't just exemplifies (to me at least) why TiTi is the perfect player for New York; a skillful, cosmopolitan, tri-lingual superstar with the right pedigree that so effortlessly cool that even NPR and New York Magazine (who wrote 4 pieces about him the week he arrived) can't resist their innate erudite urges to ignore him, RBNY and MLS. I love it. If only we can get him into the "Dos & Dont's" section of Vice Magazine then we'd really be on our way to having the city on lock. BTsao, make it happen!

Dynamo Fans Will Not Aid & Abet You, Pitch Invaders

What do you do after you rush the field to get a hug from Thierry Henry but are fast enough to outrun the super-sized stadium security? You run for the stands...then get bounced with prejudice by the Dynamo faithful.

So while I don't endorse the physical restraint of another fan (nor do I endorse or condone the invading of pitches) it must be said that the over-the-rail toss that the Dynamo fan threw down was pretty impressive; surely there is a place for this guy in the WWE.


Your MLS-Rockstar Round Up For August 2, 2010

Chris out of Vampire Weekend knows not his Metro history. Why is my dude the only person that doesn't remember the Curse of Caricola? I wasn't even there that night and I know what went down. Oh well. I can't hate on him because he co-wrote "Giving Up the Gun."

Bonus track: Kings of Leon decked out in TFC gear and running amok with the intern at BMO Field.

RBNY Is Making My Life Beautiful/Difficult

So it's finally happened and I just do not know how what to do with myself. On one hand my team is signing bad-badasses like Thierry Henry and Rafa Marquez but on the other hand it Rafa cotdamn Marquez. RBNY could use his talent (especially after this weekend's lax defending) and his marquee value for sure but how the hell am I, a true-blue Yanks supporter, supposed to root for Rafa f***ing Marquez?! For real y'all, I haven't faced a conundrum like this since I tried to reconcile my love of house music with my abhorance of cocaine.

Oh lawdy what am I to do? Do I drop the hate and ride the wave of Taurine-fuelled glory all the way to the playoffs? Or do I seethe in anger for the next however-many years that he is here because of what he did to Cobi? Or do I mature as a soccer fan and recognize this as the moment sh*t got real in MLS and face the fact that the club-vs-country thing has just hit America in a way that it never has before and we, the fans, now have the same problems that supporters the world over have been dealing with for more than a minute now?

I think I'm going to go with the latter since it's totally non-committal and will allow me room to say "Cotdamn Rafa Marquez" with both positive and negative inflections a la the "f***ing Catalina Wine Mixer." But I'd love to hear how you are going to deal with New York fans. I'd also like to hear from my Chi-City brethren as well though: how did you reconcile having Blanco on your team?

NSFW NSR Video: Kenny F*cking Powers for K-Swiss

You have to watch this if you are a fan of KP. Just don't watch it at work without headphones on...Kenny be cussin'.

This Cosmos Business: Now That There are a Few Answers, It's Even More Weird to Me.

Can I tell you something? I went to the Copa NYC final yesterday (the Polish pulled it out in PK's against the Jamaicans to win the whole shebang) and dealt with that whole Cosmos relaunch business. The whole thing was weird. Pele doing his "Soccer Pope" routine and making vague proclamations about the Cosmos "being back", Giorgio Chinaglia looking very unhealthy (life on the lam will do that to you), and various & sundry Borough Boys walking around in their new Cosmos-themed scarves & apparel (apparently they've already abandoned their blue & orange colors).

All that is fine but it just seems weird to blow such a massive wad of street marketing, media buzz and starpower on a youth program. And to me that's all this is right now, another youth program piggybacking on the name of a famous soccer team (see the Man Utd. school in Washington and Chelsea's school in Arizona). They may have a great idea in investing in the youth game first, a boatloads of marketing acumen, name recognition and an MLS dream but they've also got Terry Byrne as Director if Soccer and no stadium. Basically, this is FC New York with a very talented PR/promotional team on the payroll.

Speaking of FC New York, weren't they supposed to be playing in USL this year? What are they up to? Releasing what appears to be a hostage videos of a tweaker on Facebook. Thank God they've come to save soccer in New York...where would we be without them?