Should I Sign Harrington, Bunbury & Kamamra to TOR Records?

Should I make an offer to K.C. soccer-hop trio HBK to be the first signing on TOR Records? They don't know that HBK is their name yet but since I'll be playing the role of Svengali --think Phil Spector meets Suge Knight minus the criminal records-- of this whole operation I figure they won't mind me blessing them with their nom de rap.

I could also sign Ryan Smith and drop a mixtape to introduce all of them, maybe see if Teal can get his Canadian homeboy Drake to lay down a verse. Then I'll put them on a package tour with Jimmy Conrad doing an indie DJ set between acts; bill it as some sort of "K.C. sound" tour. It'd be the biggest thing since Maurice Starr put together that Boston soul tour back in 1990 with Bell Biv Devoe, Another Bad Creation and Ralph Tresvant.

[H/T Hillcrest Road]

Live from Lot 9: The Brent Show

So the tailgate in Hartford the other day was quite entertaining (read: boozy) and the one in Philly seems like it's going to be even more buckwild with boatloads of fans (at least the ones I have heard from) opting to represent at the Saturday game as opposed to a Tuesday night game. Here's a taste of the tomfoolery in Lot 9 prior to the Czech Republic game with your host Brent G. and assorted special guests. Good times.




Going back to what passes as home (I had a nomadic childhood) for a few days to be with my peoples for a bit. Transmissions will be intermittent but rest assured they will resume in full in about a week's time. Holleratcha.

AdiCup 2010 Happened. It Was Good Times.

Once a summer, the creative class of New York City comes together at Pier 40 for what has to be one the most achingly fashionable sporting events in America: AdiCup.

Now in its 9th year, the annual amateur soccer tournament --formerly known as Fanatic-- put together by Adidas has become a mainstay of the city’s downtown-social calendar and routinely draws a large & lively crowd that’s as hip as any that the LES has to offer. It is also as soccer savvy as your average Saturday morning pub mob; think Nevada Smith’s-meets-Barney’s Co-Op and you’re on the right track.

I checked out this year’s installment last Saturday and it stuck to the established template of soccer, beer, BBQ and beats by DJ Neil Armstrong –Jay-Z’s touring DJ whose seamless segues between Jigga and Daft Punk kept the crowd on their feet throughout the afternoon. And if your feet (or any other body part) started to ache there was a team of masseuses on-site to rub you down as you enjoyed the UEFA Champions League final on the big-screen while snacking on complimentary ice cream sandwiches. And did I mention that everybody was sexy as hell (except for Mary-Kate Olsen and a certain chunky, married guy whose name will not be named but his initials are "SF").

But while the perks were perfect, the real draw was the soccer. With 28 teams representing everything from taste-making magazines (Complex, The Fader, Vice) to tasty eateries (La Esquina, Freemans) there was enough futbol to overwhelm even the most heavily-afflicted soccer addict. Often times there were 3 games going at once, occupying all of the parking garage-cum-riverfront soccer park’s fields. And with a trip to the 2010 World Cup final on the line, these weren’t your average pick-up games; not only was there real skill on display but a real sense of urgency when teams fell behind –none of these broke artist-types wanted to give up their shot at a trip to South Africa.

All-in-all AdiCup 2010 was a perfect afternoon of springtime decadence for the Gotham footie fanatic. If there is a soccer heaven, this may well be it. Too bad it'll be another year before it happens again.

Kelly Ripa Mentions Irving Garcia on Air, Says Red Bull Arena "Has That New Stadium Smell."

I saw Kelly Ripa at the Red Bulls game on Sunday and sort of forgot about it until I saw this clip of her evangelizing Red Bull Arena on the show with Regis. Fast forward to 2:20 and you'll see what I mean. She also mentions Irving "The Rookie Sensation" Garcia by name on-air; kid hasn't played in a league game yet but he schooled Juventus and got a shout-out from one of America's hottest moms. Not bad a week son, not bad at all.

Portland Dropping Clues to New Crest

See? Someone other than filmmaker Gary Hutswit and I think that Helvetica is the most important font of the last 150 years. Will the new Timbers logo include it? Doubtful...but it will be round apparently.

I Want to Be Wrong About This: Gooch as Boobie Miles

Remember when Friday Night Lights was a book? OK for those of you too young to remember books, Friday Night Lights was a movie based on something called a book before it became a largely unrelated TV series.

Anywho, there was a dude in the book/movie with the completely awesome name Booby Miles. Dude was the baddest running back in high school football. IIRC it was the second game of the season and he blew his knee out. Dude took some time off, tried to come back but things just weren't the same. The first time he tried to cut on someone like he used to...pow, pain.

Now I'm not comparing the injuries, just that Bobby Blue Eyes may be putting Gooch in too soon and the big man can't/won't/might be scared to jump like he used to. I mean you saw that goal, right? I hope, hope, HOPE I'm wrong about this one but damn if it didn't look like my dude wasn't quite ready for prime-time last night.

Video: RBNY-Colorado U.S. Open Cup Preview

The day's American soccer stories in order of how much talk will be dedicated to them on the interwebs:
  1. The U.S. World Cup roster
  2. The U.S. World Cup roster
  3. International friendlies: AC Milan in D.C., Boca Juniors in Seattle
  4. My upcoming fish fry-centered vacation
  5. The U.S. Open Cup match between New York & Colorado
Being that I've been called a bottom-feeder for being a blogger, I will take this opportunity to prove the name-callers right and dedicate this post to previewing the Open Cup match; it's certainly the least glamorous item on the list (if you are balking at my suggestion that a fish fry is more awesome, you've never been to an honest-to-God Southern fish fry) but since it has been around longer than the World Cup I'm going to give it it's due.


Video: The Scene in E. Hartford.

In case you didn't know, it's going off in The Constitution State; American Outlaws are going hard.

Studio 90: Game Day Edition

See this guy? I'm sure he's good people and all but he's no Kammarman. Should I start a "Free Kammarman" movement? Maybe with t-shirts & buttons & a really sad commercial with Sarah McLachlan warbling "I Will Remember You" in the background? Or perhaps a 5K fun run with the proceeds going toward the funding of an independent Kammarman-hosted late-night show? Worth a shot, right?

Gooch on Balls.

Gooch is not used to playing with the new Adidas ball....and I am not used to Gooch looking like a juiced Issac Hayes. Dude's got some hot, buttered mutton chops doing on fo' sho.

Petitions: Not Just for the Crazies at Your Local City Council Meeting

Back the bid y'all: because flying to the Middle East in 2022 will be just as whack and expensive and flying to South Africa in 2010. If you haven't signed the petition do it today at gousabid.com.


NSFW: Jozy Altidore x Jaime Foxx x Too Short

First things first: there is hella cussin' in this clip. If you are at your job, your momma's house or on church property you need to go on and get the ear buds out. Secondly, I think some of these people may have been drunk when this was recorded. Lastly, is there an odder combo of guests than Jozy Altidore and Too Short?

The clip above is part two (I put it first because it's the most chaotic). Here's part one if you think you can take all the barbershop talk; soccer hasn't been this ghetto since EJ took Nike down to Bunnell, FL a few years ago...I love it.

Behind the Scenes with Temryss Lane (and Temryss Lane's Behind).

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Nick Webster asks who would you rather go out to dinner with: Temryss Lane or Eric Wynalda? My answer is obvious but out of respect for my missus I will refrain from making too big of a deal about it. But if you are unsure it is the one without the Y chromosome.

OneGoal: Part Six

The final installment of the OneGoal documentary will make you cry. If it's doesn't, you are a heartless, no-account, twinkle-toed, communist sunnavabich. I am now officially hyped for tomorrow night.

The Most New Yawkiest Juve Fan in Existance Tells Us What's What

This dude right here is old-school, second-generation NY Italian-American personified and really doesn't give a cotdamn that you think he looks more like a Jets fan than a pretty knowledgeable soccer head. Guy is hilarious. And before you ask, the answer is "no"; he does not know Snooki, The Situation or any other former or current member of the Jersey Shore cast.


The Deep Read on Sacha Kjlestan


Did you know that Sacha Kljestan and Adam Spangler are two of my favorite people in American soccer? It's true. Mind you I don't even know Sacha so his status could change.

Anyway they've come together like Voltron for a 5-part series on This Is American Soccer. I'm pretty pleased about it and you will be too. Read it...or I introduce the kid's balloon to the needle.

AC St. Louis: This Joke Isn't Funny Anymore


Can I make a recommendation? Yes? Good. You should buy an AC St. Louis pint glass today and I'll give you four reasons why.
  1. It's Friday. And Friday night is alright for pints.
  2. At $25 a pop it's such a big F-U to sensible shopping during a recession that you kind of have to buy it or the economic terrorists have won.
  3. They could really use the cash.
  4. They may soon be collector's items.
Now let me say that it sucks to see any soccer team in America --let alone a pair in the same city-- on the brink of folding and it serves as a sharp reminder that even though we've made a lot of progress we still have a ways to go. It is also sad that people & players (allegedly) might not get paid; Claude Anelka needs his paper y'all (although whether or not that 1-5-1 coach deserves one is another matter altogether).

But if there is anything at all positive about the situation it is that maybe this will serve as a reality check to the "St. Louis deserves an MLS team"-brigade. The 'Lou may have the history, but it doesn't have that dollar. The past only pays the bills if you are Michael Jackson and you own The Beatles catalog.


Not That Anyone Cares But Me, But Mo Edu Will Not Be Getting a Jheri Curl

A while back Maurice Edu asked the world via Twitter what he should do with his hair. I, under my work guise, suggested rock an El DeBarge-style drip....maybe be an American Drogba or something. He seemed to think this was funny but apparently not funny enough to follow through on. Let's go to the tape.

OneGoal: Part 5

In which we revisit the absolute whackness that was the Honduran pay-per-view debacle. Y'know I've never been the biggest Conor Casey fan but when I look back on this match --a game in which he had two goals and drew the foul that resulted in Landon Donovan's goal-- it's seems really strange/odd/ridiculous that Brian Ching is here in Princeton and he isn't. But maybe that was just the game of his life.

Pele To Take Manhattan (Again)

Pele will be at ESPN Zone in Times Square to launch his new children's book, For The Love of Soccer on Wednesday, May 26 at 6 p.m. Dude used rub elbows with Mick Jagger at Studio 54; now he's sitting on a shelf next to Raffi in Borders. My how things have changed.

I've never read his work but hopefully he's a better writer than he was a player...because he was shite!

Here's a Hater Even Bigger Than You, Philadelphia

The French

"It does not please me. I do not want to be difficult, but left to take my family away, I'd rather do it in a beautiful city. Otherwise, I will put an end to my career."

--aging Frenchman and Civic Aesthetics Critic Robert Pires on the prospect of playing Philadelphia .


Video: Africa's World Cup

Do you have a bit of time for some hot, international soccer talk? Of course you do, otherwise you'd be on Stuff On My Cat or something equally random. But do you have 1h:45m? If you do here's video of the Africa's World Cup panel discussion I attended a while back. Definitely worth your time...if you have it.

Life in a Northern Town with Jozy Altidore

"They have beans with everything and when I say everything, everything." --Jozy Altidore.

They also have smooth-jazz in the elevators and baller-ass carparks. As for Jozy, he's got an "I'm the king of the world"-view of Leeds from his balcony...which isn't really as bad as a view of Leeds sounds.

It's a Wondoful World: The Chris Wondolowski Mixtape

And the award for Most Unlikely Soundtrack: Soccer Mixtape category goes to...Chris Wondolowski, San Jose Earthquakes and Louis Armstrong.


This Was The Actual Front Page of RBNY's Website Today


Cue Woody Woodpecker laugh.

Gooch, Timbo, Deuce & Jozy are The Fittest Men in on Earth

Apparently, a selection of the USMNY players currently getting their Ivy League on in Princeton are "The Fittest Men on Earth". That's a hell of a title to have. Basically once somebody says that, it's open season for anyone who has ever known you to say "he's really let himself go" the second you don't resemble Voodoo-era D'Angelo or a shirtless Taylor Lautner.

Good thing I've been a disgusting fatbody for a minute now; I enjoy BBQ sauce and sweet potato fries far too much to be able to handle that kind of pressure.

Alvaro Saborio is The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™

So the third match in this package is the RSL-Houston match. Y'know, the one that MLS NKOTB Alvaro Saborio pretty much made into a showcase for himself by saying "Look Mommy/America! Look what I can do!" and then dropping a deuce on Houston just for giggles (and 3 points).

So being that Edson Buddle has not scored for two whole weeks --which I am convinced he's doing just to make the Golden Boot race a race with more than one horse-- I am passing the title on to a man who makes approximately 17% of the state of Utah's Costa Rican population. So congratulations Alvaro Saborio; you are The Baddest Man in MLS, Today™


The Daily EXTRA is Nothing Like That Show That's Just Called Extra!

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Jason and Simon from MLSsoccer.com were in Princeton as well today and dropped a double-dip of The Daily. This afternoon version is The Daily EXTRA. Basically it's The Daily but in the afternoon instead of the morning, with and with a cherry on top.

Make sure you watch this one all the way through because it's has Deuce Dempsey saying --quite literally-- "I don't know what else y'all want from me" and Herculez Gomez's first comments since his call up. Good times from the land of ivy vines.

OneGoal: Part Four

So this right here is the best piece of the OneGoal documentary so far, by far. With the cameras rolling in San Pedro de Sula they captured all of the madness, passion, political turmoil and viewer frustration associated with this match. God in heaven, if you're listening, can we PLEASE get a DVD or non-episodic version of this film? It's too enjoyable to take in piecemeal.

Guess What? I'm at Camp!

Not the kind of camp where you end up having your first sexual experience. USMNT camp. And no, I didn't get called up. I'll be out in Princeton most of the week doing my thing for the j.o.b. while the Yanks are doing their thing.

So far it's been interesting; the usual faces for both the team and the press corp are around and there is loads of backslapping and catching up on the pitch and in the press pen. So while you await my next transmission, here's a look at the reunion at the team hotel when player's first started showing up. And, yes, it does sound like Tim Howard has gone "scouse".


The World Cup Will Get You Laid.

Seriously. Just ask ESPN.

NSR: Powerlifter "Buffalo"

Who knew "Game Boy-rock" was a genre? Say what you want about the music --this is defo a sound that you'll either love or totally & completely hate--but the whole sweaty, drunk and in the basement vibe is something that long-dormant D.I.Y kid in me can appreciate. If you can't party to music this mindless what's the point of listening to it?

Do What You Have to Do to Get to NY Next Weekend. You Won't Regret It.


As if next weekend couldn't get any more ridiculous for Gotham-area footie freaks, the annual AdiCup tournament (formerly known as Fanatic) is slated for next Saturday, May 22nd. If you've never been it's an orgy of BBQ, music and some of the most crushingly fashionable soccer-types NYC has to offer.

This year's pool of competitors includes teams from Vice, The Fader, Complex Magazine, Chinatown SC and a whole slew of other places that you would love to work at. It will also have Heineken by the boatload, DJ Neil Armstrong on the cut and the UEFA Champions League final on an outdoor big screen overlooking the Hudson River.

So to recap it's RBNY v. Columbus at Red Bull Arena on Thursday night, AdiCup at Pier 40 & the sold out Czech Republic v. Turkey at Red Bull Arena on Saturday, and RBNY v. Juventus on Sunday afternoon. It's almost obscene isn't it?

Video: Jawing at Georgetown with Sunil

Sunil on the bid, Project 2010, Olympic politics and breaking into the sports business.

Video: Kickin' It with Allen Hopkins

LA is the sh*t, the Revs are sh*tty and the West is the best: this is the state of MLS today according to Allen Hopkins. And not that it has to do with anything but is that suit Steve Harvey-purple? I can't tell, my eyesight is going.


Jozy Does SportsCenter

Love. It.

Last Night's Party: U.S. Open Cup Edition

So check out the clip above. Last night at Red Bull Arena I was standing at the top of Section 101 after a trip to the concession stand when New York earned a free kick against New England. I said to my buddy Adam who was standing next to me, "I should take out my camera on the off chance they score here." And that's exactly what happened. He then looked at me and said "you should take that thing out more often."

But it's all about being in the right place at the right time....which really is all about luck. But I wasn't trying to hear that and I got a little overconfident and tried to replicate my feat a few minutes later and almost lost my head for it.

What's the point of this bullsh*t story? Don't be a cocky sumbitch; you may get knocked the hell out by a fast-moving ball for it.

DJ Countesses Wedding Video Looks Like an Advert for Affluence

How 100% baller was DJ Countess' wedding? I would actually enjoy going to weddings if they were all like this: a scenic location, beautiful women, loads of champagne and groomsmen who have been capped (Kyle Beckerman and Oguchi Onyewu, please stand up).

Congrats to DJ & his missus though. Also have to give props to whoever produced this...easily the most cinematic wedding video ever committed to mini-SD card.

Today in Advertising: South African Beer Commercial Edition

I like this ad. Similar to that Guy Ritchie/Nike joint from a while back in that it has a career condensed into a commercial-length clip. Almost enough to make you wish it was a movie but then you remember Goal 3 and retract the thought with all the speed of Dane Richards on the right wing.

LD Talks Toffees at EA Sports

Donovan says he would not be opposed to a return to Everton. And from the looks of his get-up he would not be opposed to a role in the upcoming Tron sequel.


Zak Boggs is the 1972 Miami Dolphins of Marble Shooting

I didn't know a thing about Revs rookie Zak Boggs until this past weekend when he dropped a deuce on the Crew in Ohio. So yesterday I went to deepest, darkest Hoboken to see what's up with one of two New England rookies named "Zak" --although the other one spells his name "Zach"-- to record multi-goal games so far this season.

So apparently in addition to playing soccer and competitive jump rope, dude was the West Virginia All-State marbles champion. Kid was undefeated with a 52-0 record. I'd like to make a joke of that but being that he got a scholarship out of it the joke would actually be on me.

Spike Lee Does His Duty to Back the Bid


Spike Lee --American soccer's second-favorite movie mogul--hit Good Morning America a few hours ago with David Downs to back the bid and unveil the U.S. World Cup bid book. Watch it at the GMA website...just be sure to watch out for the Flip-Flop Cowgirls in the background.

NSR: Black Mountain Going on Tour

Black Mountain are going on tour. If they hit your town, you should go check them out. But try to do so without taking the brown acid as you would probably never, ever recover from it and spend the rest of your days wearing headbands, being beardy and standing on street corners screaming about the pickles in the jar or something equally nonsensical.

The Deuce Debate

While we all sit and wait for today's main event --Fulham v. Athletico Madrid in the Europa League final-- let's have a nice, friendly debate about which of these two Deuce Dempsey bangers was the most outrageous. My vote is for the first goal...what says you?


John Harkes Did Not Arrive "in England to play at Sheffield on Wednesday.”


Read the correction at the bottom of this article. One of the greatest moments in copy correction history courtesy of the New York Times.

[H/T Chelsea Gary]

On The GAM and His Selection


I wrote this thing about Eddie Johnson ahead of the friendly against the Dutch and I think I'm still agreeing with most of this after today's release of the 30-man preliminary roster. Certainly the bit about holding out hope for Davies or EJ's scoring numbers are out of date but the feeling is the same. Except instead of Charlie being the only story to potentially outshine him it's the resurrection of Buddle or Gomez.

Young Jozy Speaks About World Cup Emotions

The only shoe-in up top for the Yanks speaks about his "emotions" (ESPN's titling, not mine) prior to today's roster announcement on ESPN News at ItAlreadyHappenedp.m. Don't sleep!

MLS Final Kick: Week 7

ESPN recaps the week that everybody (and I mean everybody...Bobby Burling? Really?) whose government name is not Edson Buddle put one in the back of the olde onion bag. Scoring hasn't been this high in America since your Grandad came home from the war.

Whackest Soccer Dad Ever: English Lower Division Edition

As a parent I get that sometimes you have to stop your kid from doing something that he shouldn't; this past weekend, I had to get into a bouncey castle in public to physically extract my son from it when he decided to occupy one of the rear corners of said bouncey castle in protest of his turn in the dodgem being far too short in length for his taste. I pulled him out but I didn't (and wouldn't) brain him or anything.

So I'm gonna have to frown on the gent above --who looks suspiciously like Sven Goran-Erikson-- for his reaction to his physically challenged son's attempt to invade the pitch at Chesterfield Town this past weekend. The kid can't experience the joy of playing the game Dad, can you at least let him enjoy the happy insanity of fandom? Can you let my man live?! Just a little?!

Not cool Dad, not cool.

NSR: Toro Y Moi "You Hid"

Wistful, melancholy summer jam out of South Carolina. When I hear this song the wine flows, a light breeze blows and the sun sets in a warm glow of golden light. This relaxation in a (digital) bottle.

New Timbers Advert is Pretty Cotdamn Special

"You Can't Fake This": statement of fact or subtle dig at a certain other team in the Pacific Northwest which has had more than a few daggers thrown it's way in regard to the alleged plastic nature of it's swollen fan base? I'm not the producer so I can't say. However I will say that whoever produced this gets a gold star and a bottle of 32 year-old Oban for their efforts; this is as good as Chicago's epic 2010 ad.

[H/T to Paul at droppingtimber.com]


Basketball-Soccer Mutual Appreciation Society: World Cup Edition

In which a bunch of millionaires who play games with round balls discuss a sport played by a bunch of millionaires with round balls.

Those Who Are Not Comfortable With a Beautiful Woman Galavanting Aorund in a Soccer Jersey for Money Should Turn Away Now.

"Hi, I'm Danielle Fornarell and I'm going to show you my fancy footwork and a few other things." Um, OK.

Spike Lee: Soccer Dad, Filmmaker, Gooner, Potential RBNY Fan.

Can you imagine Spike Lee as your Dad? Or can you imagine Spike Lee as your youth coach? Wouldn't that be some sh*t? You would have the most heavy-handed and socially-important highlight reels in the history of youth soccer. He would also put you in an Arsenal kit with his (and your) last name on the back because he's a massive Gooner and you will be too, cotdamnit.

Hey, you think we'll see this guy in a suite at Red Bull Arena instead of courtside at the Knicks if his boy Henry comes to town? Hell, we may even see him there this weekend to checkout Ljungberg & the Sounders.

NSR: Chemical Brothers: "Swoon"

I was pretty sure that I was a good 6-7 years removed from listening to anything new from The Chemical Brothers but then they mess around and drop this wonderful slice of beachy, summertime drug music on me and suddenly I'm wondering what's the latest in the world of Ibiza compilations and if my Ministry of Sound t-shirt still fits (it doesn't). Rave on.

Video: Jonathan Bornstein at Dodger Stadium

Here we find J Bo juggling a baseball for the assembled media at Dodger Stadium. Dude threw out the first pitch in yesterday's game vs. the Rockies, much to delight of whoever that is that caught the pitch, and did a bit of "trained seal" just before taking the mound. You almost want to feel for the guy for having to cheesily mug it up like this.

But then you realize that he makes 6 figures, lives in SoCal and plays soccer for a living and all that sympathy suddenly melts away and you start to wonder if he arrived at the stadium via car service or a black trunk with breathing holes in it.


Today in Philadelphia Goalkeeping Gaffs

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I won't bag on Chris Seitz too much for this because I'm sure the sum total of the series of unfortunate events that have plagued his young Philadelphia career so far are bothering him enough. He doesn't need me to tell him that things are wildly off the rails right now and neither do you (you have cable, and you've seen it for yourself).

I will however introduce you to a Blaine from Pretty in Pink-looking son of bitch named Brian Perk just so you can say you've heard of him when he moves up the Union goalkeeping ladder. I know the Philly coaching staff has said repeatedly that Seitz is their guy, but if a keeper that is in the USMNT pool (cough, Troy Perkins, cough) can be replaced by a 19 year-old kid don't think it can't happen to Chris Seitz.


EAT. DRINK. STAY.: Montreal Edition


Now that our Quebecois cousins in Montreal are officially part of the family, we need to start thinking road trip. How you get there is up to you and will vary by city of origin but no matter where you're coming from everyone needs a place to eat, drink and stay.

EAT.: Ouzeri (4690, rue Saint-Denis)
Located in the heart of Le Plateau, Ouzeri offers fantastic traditional Greek food and an outlandish wine list. As for the atmosphere, the decor is nice enough but in no way pretentious and the boisterous; I've been there twice and both times the crowd was as lively as the food.

DRINK.: Club Soda (1225 St-Laurent)
The place to go for cool music and cooler people. Known mostly for live music, they also do DJ's and getting you drunk. Too bad the Impact aren't playing in the league right now: there's an Ed Bangers party tomorrow night with Busy P and So Me on the decks.

STAY.: Habitat 67 (Marc-Drouin Quay)
See that picture? Need I say more.

Video: EB14 Gets His Close Up

Damn, it sure didn't take long for someone to jump on the Edson Buddle endorsement train did it. You just know that last season there was no way he would have even been sent on the casting call for this, let alone the MLS star-studded photo shoot. I guess that's what happens when you, an individual, score more goals in 6 weeks than 12 MLS teams have scored. Play on playa.

Video: The Don on Montreal Expansion and What it Means to You

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So here we have The Don talking all things Montreal expansion. He's got some interesting things to say, some things that I haven't thought of. But maybe that's why he's commissioner and I am just...whatever I am supposed to be.

After watching this I think the Canadian National Team may eventually be the big winner here. Coupled with the soon-to-be-MLS Whitecaps, having a third big-time club in Canada really should (in theory) help to give Canuckistani players more quality club competition and employment options that don't have the low-life expectancy of a position on Mo Johnston's side. Ang hopefully improved competition will lead to an improved player pool for Canada.

Photo of the Day: Jack Nicholson at Red Bull Arena [UPDATED]


Is it weird that the world's most famous soccer player is seen court side at the Lakers game more often than he's seen at soccer games and that the world's most famous Lakers fan is hanging out at soccer games instead of The Staples Center? Bizzaro world y'all.

[H/T First Row Photos]

UPDATE: The word out of Harrison is that this is not Nicholson but some random, boozy older gentleman whose thing is looking like a far more famous boozy, older gentleman.


NSR: Kele "Tenderoni"

Bloc Party people, what do you think of Kele's new solo jawn? Feeling the drug music vibe or missing the "rock" portion of his patented disco-rock sound? Perhaps you are disappointed this is not a cover of the Chromeo song of the same name. Or maybe you're just relieved that this isn't based on a sample from Bobby Brown's "Roni". Personally, I give it a 7.5.

Back in the Day Video: Fire vs. Fusion

Remember when Ante Razov was dropping hat tricks like he was a magician? Me neither. Seems like ages since the guy has played yet he's only been retired...wait. Is he retired? Where the hell is Ante Razov?

The Daily, May 6th

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Simon Borg sits next to me in my hovel-cum-disused A/V closet-cum-office. Did you know he's from Malta? Did you know that he's a total instigator who grilled Charlie Davies on the phone this morning? Did you know that he knows a lot about 80's wresting icons? It's true. He also knows a bit about footie so listen to what he has to say in The Daily.


When I tell you that I actually just gripped the sides of my MacBook in an attempt to strangle the screen I am not kidding. I love Jeff Bradley, Giuseppe Rossi...not so much. Why this kid is the cover story on ESPN the Magazine I have no idea but there he is. I guess if I look at it as a glass half-full thing it's nice to see soccer on the cover even if it isn't a PROUD American player or someone cover-worthy a la Messi or CR7. But it is World Cup year, people do silly things.

Our David Testifies to the Power of Manchester United

As you've probably already heard, the red half of Manchester will be heading stateside this summer for the first time in while, with a nationally televised appearance in Houston for the MLS All Star game headlining their North American schedule. A lot of people think they are great including their former midfielder David Beckham. Don't believe me? Here's the proof.

Something's Brewing in Quebec, Oh Yes!


There's a press conference on the schedule and a countdown in effect. What does it all mean? My guess: government subsidized poutine for all.*

*Y'all know what the real answer is, right?

AC St. Louis Mascot First Real Fallout from the Demise of Nelly's Career


AC St. Louis is rapidly becoming the funniest thing in American soccer since Dwight Schrute was in those Nike ads a few years ago. In an uncomfortable comedy move that Michael Scott would surely approve of, fans of the team have dubbed an unofficial mascot "Chickenhead"; there is even a Facebook page dedicated to this "OMFG are you kidding me" achievement. America, this would have never happened if Nelly were still relevant.

So, to recap they:
  1. are coached by Claude Anelka
  2. hold their pre-game show in a local Hooters with waitresses as the hosts
  3. have a mascot Bill Clinton would approve of
  4. are a joke.
But who am I to talk? I support a team named after a soft drink.

[H/T River Front Times]

Last Night's Party: A Win for Everyone (Except the Losers)


On paper 4 matches on a Wednesday night doesn't seem like the best idea. Yet somehow almost everyone but the losing teams had something go right last night. D.C. United finally collected a few points. FC Dallas won it's first match of the year. Danny Allsopp went hard, scoring the first-ever MLS goals for the only place on the planet that is an island, a continent and a nation. And the Galaxy still couldn't lose even though they were playing in a stadium that they have never won in before.

The only people who made out better than these guys were the fans. For us, we got a mid-week orgy of domestic soccer riches that was more than enough to keep us from suffering the indignity of watching another episode of Cougar Town out of sheer boredom; let's face it, Wednesday night TV hasn't been the same since Lost moved to Tuesdays. The attendance may have been miserable but for those of us on the couch Wednesday was pure pleasure.


An Afternoon of Soccerdemia


Yesterday I went to college. Or to a college I should say. There was a panel discussion entitled Africa's World Cup at The New School here in Manhattan that sounded crushingly academic but kind of like soccer nerd heaven so I gave up my afternoon to it. So did about 25 other NYers of all stripes who braved the gauntlet of co-eds in summer dresses to show up as well.

Hosted by Sean Jacobs, assistant professor at the graduate program in International Affairs, the panel included Time magazine senior editor Tony Karon, Austin Merrill of Vanity Fair's Fair Play blog and writers Binyavanga Wainaina and Teju Cole. Aside from Austin all of the panelist hailed from the The Place Formerly Known As The Dark Continentand brought some very unique perspectives on the upcoming World Cup.

There was so much ground covered over the 2+ hours of discussion that it's almost impossible to concoct anything bordering on a complete recap but here's a few interesting bullet points.

  • Africa is being presented almost as a country, not a continent, by advertisers. Check out recent ads by Puma and Coca-Cola and you could almost get the idea that a multitude of country's are hosting the event, not just South Africa.
  • Very few Africa-based players will actually participate in the first World Cup to be held on the continent. Most of the African teams will field a side made up of players who ply their trade in Europe.
  • Drogba is damn near a God in Africa; dirty dude has even inspired a genre of dance music called "Drogbacite" in West Africa.
  • African club football is screwed. It's easier for people to keep up with Euro soccer than local leagues because it's on free TV; imagine how much harder it would be to sell people MLS on FSC if the EPL, La Liga and Serie A were available on NBC, CBS and ABC.
  • Loads of brainy soccer humor from this bunch. You know you are nestled firmly amongst the football intelligentsia when the entire room is ROTFL to jokes whose punchlines center on a player being Andalusian, Basque or Catalan.
  • But no matter how connected to soccer these people are, by and large they don't appear to be connected to American soccer at all. Not the Africans, not the Americans, not the African-Americans. When one person mentioned the U.S. team the room let out a collective laugh that is probably still echoing around the room 24 hours later; it's always depressing when people so passionate and knowledgeable are so dismissive.

Kentucky Fried Futbol in the Bay

I can't figure out which I'm more surprised about: that the Colonel is possibly Asian wears hemp bracelets or that he can juggle like a Brazilan.

New Bumpy Pitch Product Arrives Just in Time For Cinco De Buyo


By the way kids, my dudes at Bumpy Pitch have just dropped a new batch of their ultra fine, soft cotton having-ass tees. Their latest creations include a couple of new BPFC logo shirts and --by popular demand-- a The Original Winger logo tee. And as usual these jawns are all Made in America. So get some, your missus will thank you for it.

CSC x Incase Release Party Provides Further Proof That NY is the Greatest City for Hustlers on the Planet

Remember that Chinatown Soccer Club soccer/laptop bag by Incase that I mentioned a while back? It's out and available now from GOINCASE.com. And just like how sorority girls make a t-shirt for everything they do, CSC & Incase even had a party to prove it; the "it" being that only in NYC can a pick-up team get an endorsement deal for $200 bespoke soccer accessories. God bless America, y'all.

When is Cartoon Network Going to Pick Up Giant Killing?

Friend of TOR Patrick S.just hipped me to the pretty cool piece of Japanese soccer manga called Giant Killing. It's about the J League and, according to Patrick, it follow the team, the front office the fans and even the fans that gave up on the team. How's that for a well-rounded (and well illustrated) look at a (fictional) club.

Check out Giant Killing with English subtitles at GoodAnime.net.

Life After MLS: Steve Ralston Edition

If I were to offer you a steady paycheck for playing soccer and getting interviewed by Hooters girls afterward, many of us would be perfectly fine with committing a murder or two for the opportunity. But to actually see a player of Steve Ralston's caliber actually living this dream is somehow not as cool. Not to say that playing for the Revs or any other MLS side is all Nuvo & Maybachs, but when the first question of the post-game show relates to chicken wing quantities it kinda make me want to cry big, wet tears of soccer sadness.


Herculez Gomez Draws Crowd at Chivas USA Practice

I'm not putting Kool Herc on the same level as Brand Beckham (though I would like very much to do that one day) but I think the last time a guy who was just training --not trialing-- with a team was when Becks was training with Arsenal a few years ago. If goes to South Africa it's going to be one hell of a story, almost as good as if CD9 goes.

Pelada Can Be Yours For Only $19.99! Act Now!

Pelada DVD's are now available for pre-order. Release date is June 1. Get some.

Apparently 1/3 of the Red Bulls roster is Injured


Dane Richards has an abductor strain. Ibrahim Salou jacked up his ankle. Brian Nielson has an abnormally high pulse rate. Carl Robinson has to have his knee drained again. Mac Kandji is still out. Kevin Goldthwaite's injury may now be career-ending. And Chris Albright still ain't right.

Ladies and gentleman, RBNY's Purple Rain Tour may come to an end in San Jose this weekend. Somehow you just knew it was too good to be true. But if there is any silver lining it's that we should see some of the young kids play again; maybe this is when we see Tchani, Chinn and Garcia step up.

Viva Futbol #54

Sweet fancy Moses there is some world-class showboatin' going on in this clip. Mind you it's Viva Futbol so I wouldn't expect anything less. I am going to dock points though from Alarazboy for going into the dark corners of the Wylcef catalog...Party to Damascus? Really?

Henry Available Now? Daaaaaayum!


Oh snap everybody. FC Barcelona honcho Joan Laporta has come out and said that he's given Thierry Henry his walking papers. I hope you all brought lunch because the MLS gossip mill is about to working double overtime.

OneGoal: Part Three

In which Sam's Army heads to Utah to defend the Wasatch Front against El Salvador.


NSR: Massive Attack "Splitting the Atom"

This song makes me nod like I had a bobblehead.

Band Nerds Take Seattle, Theater Dorks Lay In Wait

I'm no Seattle hater. They've got a good thing going up there with big name players, a big fan base and that key quality that is so elusive to far too many American soccer markets: profitability.

Having said that I just watched the video above and I can TOTALLY see why people hate them. I had to listen to this 4 times before I realized it was an Outkast song. And I think they may have actually set marching bands back 75 years with this mass display of Elaine from Seinfeld-style dancing. Somewhere in Louisiana, the Grambling State marching band weeps for their craft.

Kevin Alston and Darius Barnes on Child Rearing

In which we find the KA and DB espousing the virtues of keeping your child enjoying a leash-free lifestyle. They also show off their ridiculous skills in the area of fake gold detection.

Kevin Alston and Darius Barnes on Accents and Aliases

In a nutshell Kevin Alston believes Khano Smith looks like Morpheus out of The Matrix, Darius Barnes believes Steve Nicol swears a lot, and I think Darius Barnes looks like T.I.

Sunil Chetri & Narain Karthikeyan: America's Indians

Non-cricket Indian sporting royalty came together the other day at the most unlikely of locales: a NASCAR track in Kansas. Ladies & gentleman, this is why I love America. This and ceiling fans (try finding one in a European home, won't happen).

Unfounded Rumor of the Day: Henry to D.C.


Thierry Henry-to-Red Bull New York rumors are no longer considered newsworthy anymore so The Mirror, that bastion of British press excellence, has thrown a curve ball at the story and now suggest that D.C. United are also interested in landing the services of the fantastic Frenchman. Gossip is gossip and the English press is the English press so take it for what it is but ask yourself one question: do you honestly think D.C. United Holdings can really compete with Red Bull GmBH for Henry's services?

That's not a swipe at the black & red, that's just something to think about. New York has taurine-dollars, worldwide sponsorship opportunities and a spaceship stadium. D.C. on the other hand is looking to diversify ownership (i.e. find someone to help Will Chang take the weight), having a nightmare season so far and play in a stadium that is quite literally crumbling. I ain't trying to hate on D.C. --for once-- but c'mon now, we all know how this story ends.

Edson Buddle Is The Baddest...Aw You Know The Drill


So Edson Buddle has been named The Baddest Man in MLS, Today for damn near the entire season so far and it's thrown this whole gag completely off the rails. Why should I even go through the charade of bestowing this high honor upon someone whose obvious motivation to keep scoring at will is to make a mockery of this award? I mean seriously, this is getting as predictable as Lando winning a new Honda and Player of the Year every 365 days.

So basically EB14 is The Baddest Man in MLS, Today until further notice.

The Management

"It's Called Cinco De Dynamo..Yeah."

I'm just gonna come out and say it; somebody in this clip is crushin' on Mike Chabala and it's ain't Craig Waibel. Maybe it's because he kinda looks like the singer out of Bush. She appears to be in the demo that bought that guy's records in the 90's so I feel like it's a real possibility. Or she could just be a perky local news anchor...yeah, I think that's it actually.

Kei Kamara Can Dance Damnit

Get Microsoft Silverlight

See? Dude can score goals as well as flub'em. And he can dance cotdamnit! Momma say momma saw ma maku sa!

Sheanon Williams: What's Going on There?


Here's a test for the Union that has jack sh*t to do with them defeating someone who is not D.C. United: can you sign Sheanon Williams? It shouldn't be too difficult right now being that the veteran of the U.S. U-17's (captain) and U-20's World Cup teams is playing for Harrisburg, who the Union have some sort of affiliate thing going with. Nowak loves youth --he's only 20-- and Lord know they'll always need an extra body around to cover for whoever is on red card suspension.

All kidding aside, how crazy is it that a kid with as much experience as Williams has fallen so far down the ladder that he's in USL-2 at age 20? Is he a hype and really not that good? A poor trialist perhaps? Or has he stopped progressing as a player? There's got to be something there, right?