Gooch, Timbo, Deuce & Jozy are The Fittest Men in on Earth
Apparently, a selection of the USMNY players currently getting their Ivy League on in Princeton are "The Fittest Men on Earth". That's a hell of a title to have. Basically once somebody says that, it's open season for anyone who has ever known you to say "he's really let himself go" the second you don't resemble Voodoo-era D'Angelo or a shirtless Taylor Lautner.
Good thing I've been a disgusting fatbody for a minute now; I enjoy BBQ sauce and sweet potato fries far too much to be able to handle that kind of pressure.