Inevitable Cliches of American Soccer Vol. 1
1. Eddie Johnson will not make the bench.
2. Second-tier leagues are their own worst enemies and will always implode.
3. Freddy Adu will be passed around Europe like a joint at a Phish show.
4. DaMarcus Beasley will be injured regularly as long as he stays with Rangers.
5. I will use Helvetica Bold for a vaguely snarky photo caption.