RBNY Should Quit Messing Around & Just Sign Tom Selleck

Did you see the mammoth mustache that RBNY keeper Jon Conway was rocking down in Argentina during pre-season? It is as if there's a warehouse broom above his lip, just laid up in the comfortable shade of his nose. Something so regal & lush is basically enough to keep Freddy Mercury's ghost in tears for the remainder of his time in hell.

Red Bulls Reader has a fantastic clip chronicling all of the facial follicle follies that went on in South America during camp but I won't take away from their shine by posting it here, so go there now. You will not be disappointed. Unless you are a disgruntled Rapids fan who misses Mike Petke (sorry, no take-backs).