RBNY To Face Pretty Much The Best Team That Doesn't Exist

My man Darko just laid it on me RBNY will be playing the following team in a colossal charity event this summer at Giants Stadium. Although the charity is a most worthy cause, it is not in aid of helping RBNY sign one of the players involved so ESC members should begin plotting the kidnappings now.

Mikael Silvestre (Centre back, left back)

He currently plays for Arsenal and the France National team. Silvestre's most positive attribute is his pace, and he often sets up scoring opportunities. He is also noted for his crossing and tackling abilities. Mikael Won 4 English Premiership crowns, the FA Cup, the UEFA Champions League and the UEFA Nation Cup among other trophies. He is the founder of All Stars for Hope.

Cristiano Ronaldo (Winger)

The 2008 FIFA Player of the Year plays for English Premier League club Manchester United and the Portuguese national team. In addition to winning the 2007-08 UEFA Champions League, he is a winner of the 2007 English PFA Player of the Year and Young Player of the Year awards. You missus and your gay friend from work love him, you hate to love him.

Thierry Henry (Forward)

France National Team's all-time leading scorer (48 goals, 105 caps), Arsenal's all-time leading scorer (226 goals in 8 seasons), he currently plays for Spanish powerhouse, FC Barcelona. He won the World Cup in 98, and the Euro in 2000. Knows 50 Cent.

Nicolas Anelka (Striker)

A French footballer who plays for Chelsea F.C.. After making his name at Arsenal FC, he transferred to Chelsea from Bolton Wanderers F.C. for a reported £15 million in January 2008. Nicolas won the Euro in 2000, and has scored over 100 goals in the English Premier League. Most famous glove-wearer since Micheal Jackson.

Didier Drogba (Striker)

Ivorian footballer who plays for Chelsea in the English Premier League. He was the Premier League top scorer in 2006–07 with 20 goals as well as the 2006 African Player of the Year. Drogba holds the distinction of being the only player to score in three League Cup finals, in 2005, 2007 and 2008. He also is a U.N. Ambassador and has the worst hair in world football.

Bacary Sagna (defender)

French international currently playing for Arsenal FC who signed him in 2007 after he has established himself as one of the top young defenders in French Ligue 1. After A superb first season under his new colers, he is now considered as one of the most solid and dependable EPL players in his role. Bacary has 25 caps with the France NT U-21, and 5 with the "les Bleus". Sits second do Drogba on the table of regrettable hair.

Claude Makelele (Defensive midfielder)

A French international football player, who currently plays for Paris St. Germain in the French Ligue 1. He is widely considered the premier defensive midfielder of the modern game, so much so that his name has become synonymous with the position, which is sometimes called the "Makélélé Role". One of only 2 cool people on earth to have the name Claude (the second is DJ Claude Von Stroke).

Emmanuel Adebayor (Forward)

African Player of the Year in 2006, he has established himself as one of Arsenal's top guns with 57 goals in 125 games. "Ade" is a spectacular striker who has won the hearts of Arsenal fans around the world. He has also been a remarkable player for the Togolese National Team, helping them qualify to their first ever World Cup in 2006. Did we mention that he can dance?

Frank Lampard (Midfielder)

English football midfielder currently playing for Chelsea FC and the England national team. He is the club's active scoring leader with 111 goals, the highest ever for a Chelsea midfielder. Allegedly made a sex tape.

Gael Clichy (Defender)

At only 23, and with already 124 caps, Gael is one of the 4 pillars of Arsenal's defense line. A poll taken among Arsenal fans in 2008 revealed that he was their 2nd favorite player. He won the English Premier League Crown in 2004, the FA Cup in 2005, reached the final of the Champions League in 2006, and was named in the English Professional Footballers' Association Team of the Year in 2007. He is also bald.

Manuel Almunia (GK)

Once Arsenal's #2 goalie when former German International GK Jens Lehmann was in place, he is now arsenal's indisputable gate-keeper, and also earned the co-captaincy. His brilliant performances, hard work values and and friendliness have been his main assets to get to this highly disputed position...and that's about it really.

Ousmane Dabo (Midfielder)

Long time friend of Mikael Silvestre as they started their career together at Rennes and Inter Milan, Ousmane has accumulated a tremendous experience playing for some of the most prestigious clubs in France, Italy and England. He is now playing for Italian side S.S. Lazio (Roma), who have a stadium full of facist.

Patrick Viera (Midfielder)

Currently playing for Inter Milan (Serie A). He came to prominence during his stint at Arsenal from 1996 to 2005. Viera won the World Cup in 1998 and the Euro in 2000. He is also still French.

Ryan Giggs (Winger)

A Welsh footballer who has played for Manchester United as a left midfielder for the entirety of his club career to-date, since 1990, and is famed as one of the greatest wingers of all time in the game. Counts Homer Simpson amongst his fans.

William Gallas (defender)

Watched the film "300", relayed it to teammates.


Anonymous said...

As great as this sounds, this should not happen! All this is going to do is show how much an MLS sucks! Ronaldo will be dribbling circles around Angel. This should not happen. No way jose!

Anonymous said...

Everyone already knows all these players far outclass MLS, I don't think it will hurt MLS really.

A charity game is great but I wonder what fraction of each players millions and millions of dollars they personally donate.

Mo said...

RBNY, get ready to get PWNED.

Let's break out Matt Kassel or some unknown American prodigy. Maybe he'll be the next Ronaldo.

Then again, say that does happen. We'd lose him after this game anyway. hahahah.

Binks said...

It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens!

No wait, Secaucas New Jersey.

Best news I've heard since the election.

Thanks for the smile.

Anonymous said...

Aww man you east coast ppl are lucky! Haha i like the comment on ESC members plotting kidnapping

Cindy said...

this is why i love living in NY! i'm so excited!

steve said...

Wait, so Drogba was the 2006 African Player of the year.....and Adebayor was the African Player of the year in 2006?

something doesn't seem right...lol

SCNewJersey said...

holy sh*t, yes! yes! yes! I love Metro... but this time it is totally going to be worth seeing our asses kicked!

M. Komar said...

You think Drogba's hair is bad? Take a look at Marek Hamsik's. I wanna shave that kid's head off.

thepuck said...

I like that they list Silvestre first... like he's the main reason i should go.

Anonymous said...

why arent they playing vs mls-stars not just redbulls