This Just In: Josh Wolff Signed By KC (Again)

Guess who's back, back again. Wolff is back, tell a friend.

Wizard Wedding: You Sir, Have Married the Right Woman

Here's a question. Let's say you and your lady have your wedding at your local side's stadium. Then following said nuptials, the entire wedding party decides to eschew the whole dancing-to-a-crap-DJ-at-the-reception thing and instead pile into the supporter's section for an evening of singing, drinking and sweaty wedding attire. Is it possible that you are you too into this sh*t?

Video: Joe Roth & Mark Abbott on Fox Business Channel

You know how you know MLS is doing much better now? Because when you read about it in the Wall Street Journal or Forbes or when you see it discussed on Fox Business it always seems to be about sponsorship deals or something else positive. It used to be that everything you mentioned in the financial press mentioned the contraction of Miami and Tampa. Now it's about expansion, expansion, expansion!

Photo of the Day: Becks Balls Outta Contol in New Rolls Royce

"I make big money, I drive big cars
Everybody know me
It's like I'm a movie star"

Willie D of the Geto Boys on 1991's "Mind Playing Tricks on Me"

NSR: Bad Company is Divorce in a Box

I just started playing this PS3 game this weekend and I love it. It's got fantastic dude-humor one-liners and a completely destructible environment so you can blow anything up. I'm serious, anything. If you see a guy duck behind a wall, shoot away the wall to get to him. Trees blocking your view of an enemy bunker you want to fire tank shells at? Just drive into them and knock them down. Nothing is off limits and everything can be destroyed, including your relationships with the opposite sex.

Barra BRA-VO!

If you didn't catch the opening minutes of The Nooner on ABC yesterday you missed one of the most phenomenal player tributes by the fans that I've ever seen in American sports. I'm no Ben Olsen fan (Captain Caveman has always been a thorn in the Metro side) but I do respect the amount of reverence that the DC United faithful have for him. Watching the clip above you can't help but gasp at the sheer scale of the banners, the size of the crowd and the passion of the gesture no matter what team you support.

I'm not wearing a hat but I symbolically tip it in the direction of the Screaming Eagles, Barra Brava, and La Norte for this one. Bravo ladies & gents.

Someone Tell Henry, the Mouse is Not Good for Public Perception

All you Henry-to-America speculators can now put down your crystal balls. Looks like he may be signing with the Mickey Mouse League after all.

Ronaldinho's Agent Should Reach Out to Jenny Craig

Shocking right? This cat used to be young and sexy and in a few short months he's become fat & lumpy. I know I shouldn't go around promoting the one prejudice that (perhaps wrongly) seems to be socially acceptable these days, but damn. Did Krispy Kreme open up a Catalan branch? I haven't seen someone fit get so chunky so quick since...I got married.

I wonder if getting to see him do "the truffle shuffle" will be included in the price of admission if he's still with Barcelona when they tour the states this summer?

[Spotted by our British cousins at The Spoiler]

A Word About the Euro 08 Final

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TFCTV: Best Digital Media Idea in The League

Kudos to whatever genius at Toronto FC who had the idea to launch thier own online Tv station. Turn on, tune in, and geek out to a slew of embeddable and exclusive interviews, highlights and behind the scenes footage from the shores of Lake Ontario.

Get acqaunted with TFCTV by checking out thier preview of tonight's match vs. New England above.

And Just So No One Feels Left Out This Time

Have a nice weekend.

Anyone Fancy A Little Afternoon Delight This Sunday?

Normally I don't condone talking about a players race, religion, sexuality or wife & children. But in the cae fo the photo above, the Screaming Eagles kind of have a point. Sorry Posh, but they can hit them highs in way that you can't...they are the Mariah Carey of supporters groups.

Depending on what part of the country you are in you'll need to either skip church, wake up early or not even go to sleep to watch Sunday's 12pm EST match between DC United and LA Galaxy, a game we're calling "The Nooner" here at TOR Towers. John Harkes and JP Dellacamera will call the game, which is basically the opening act for the Euro 08 final. They've also got the match preview for you below. How scary is it to think that in addition to a shockingly-hot Buddle and a lethal Beckham-Donovan combo they've got Carlos Ruiz coming back?

MLS: Behind the Scenes

Celebrities, faux-celebrities and faux-guitarists...the most fake post ever.

ESPN's 5 Burning Questions

They have their questions and I have mine.

5. Who will Chicago have to give up for McBride?
4. How bad was Kevin Stott's offciating last night? Worse than Gigli?
3. Do people really like T-Pain? I just don't get it.
2. Does it get any less romantic than this?
1. Who does Kenny Cooper have sleep with around here to get a call up? (No, I will not leave it alone)

Some People Don't Like David Beckham

I know. I'm shocked as you are. Presumably none of them purchase Sharpie Pens or Armani Underwear, and certainly wouldn't deign to purchase bottled water that emanated from Goldenballs.

Let's Talk About Creativity

So in case you are still wondering, and I doubt many still are, I'll tell you what's up with the DESIGNATED PLAYERS. Obviously it has nothing to with any high profile MLS signings as some have suggested in various message boards and chat rooms; as novel as it would be I doubt the league would ever announce a major acquisition through a viral campaign, especially through one this minimal.

But that was just one of the myriad of beyond creative ideas, notions, theories and hypothesis that made the rounds of the soccersphere. Some of the other best guesses where:

-that Dan Patrick was going to be the new ESPN Thursday announcer

-"some new soccer magazine, playing off the GQ name kinda thing."

-that Darryl Powell was being shipped from Sheffield Wednesday to the Rapids

-that Dead Prez would play the halftime show at the All-Star game

-that there would be a new, cash-generating "duNord Premium" site

-and who can forget my personal favorite: "MLS is signing the Wu Tang clan? Damn the Asians are gonna be pissed..."

I applaud the creativity and ceaseless theories thrown forth but it made 3 things crystal clear to me. One is that it is scary how quickly 6 simple & ambiguous pieces of Photoshop handywork placed in the right places can create a brush fire of speculation. The second is that we, the American soccer fans, are STARVING for information & HUNGRY for something new. And the third is that the old saying about there being power in numbers is so true.

But in the end the idea of the DESIGNATED PLAYERS (or if you want to throw some swagger on it, DESIGNATED PLAYAS) is much simpler than what many of your creaitve minds have come up with. In a nutshell it's a loose collective of 5 quality, independent blogs who all cover a different beat but move to the same beat if you know what I mean. We like each other, link to each other and look out for each other. And we hope that over time we'll become a little more woven into each other but without losing the individual flavor that makes each of us unique.

Sorry if you were expecting it to rain unicorns or something, but welcome to phase 1. Think of us as a pre-Iron Flag, footie-fixated Wu-Tang Clan. Ives says I'm the Rza but I'd like to think that I'm more like ODB without all the charges. Ives is Raekwon. Bruce is the GZA. Ben Hooper is Method Man. Brian Dunseth is Ghostface and Adam Spangler is probably the RZA since he's all brainy and sh*t.

Brew Bucket: You Need This

TOR brothers-in-blog (and fellow DESIGNATED PLAYER) The Original Winger have started this nice series of posts labeled The Essentials that you should all check out. It's all a bunch of gear, gadgets, games, girls and other stuff that does not begin with the letter "G" that you just can't live without.

Since Sasha Kljestan's even contributing to it I figure that I'll throw my unsolicited pick into the mix. It's the 6 gallon Commercial Beverage Bucket from Kegworks.com. It's massive, mobile and has a tap...so simple, yet so necessary. With a bit of lemonade, cane sugar and whiskey (I prefer Georgia Moon corn whiskey myself) this portable hooch-dispenser will make you the most popular person without breasts at next week's tailgate.

The Thursday Night Hype: Houston vs. Dallas

FC Dallas and the Dynamo get it on tonight for what is already their third meeting this season. Strange to see their series completed for the year before the All-Star break, but such are the eccentricities of MLS scheduling.

Utilizing my special insight as a native of The Lone Star State I am able to make the following prediction for the match: it will be hot, at least in regard to temperature. Other than that, you're on your own because this puppy could really go either way since these 2 have been consistently inconsistent this season.

But I can guarantee with some certainty that it will be Africa-hot tonight. Here are some other heat-related things that you know if you are from Texas.

• You can make instant sun tea.

• You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

• You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.

• You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

• You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

• Hot water comes out of both taps.

• You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

• No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

• You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

• You realize asphalt has a liquid state.

Ad Age Outs Fire Fans as Beer-Bonging Drunks (Bless 'Em)

While reading through this not-too-thoroughly researched article in Ad Age about American soccer's need for an ad campaign (has this writer never seen any of the Nike adverts?) I noticed that there was a single out-link...and it was to a video of "Firepalooza"!

Personally I have never attended a Firepalooza but it kinda looks like it rocks. It also looks like it's cold enough to store perishables on your front lawn, but I'll let that slide since everything else about it seems to be much more inviting. Things like shotgunned beer, manic pogoing and what has to be some of the most innuendo-filled beer-bonging ever witnessed north of spring break at Lake Havisu. But is that guy really yelling "Suck it, suck it, suck it!" as pretty Patricia from Barcelona wraps loving mouth around a funnel for the first time (oh my)?

Alco-porn at it's finest brought to you courtesy of Ad Age. Who woulda thought?

NSR: Download This Album

If you aren't messing with the new Girl Talk album/mix "Feed The Animals" you just ain't living right. Fact. Don't let the name fool you, this isn't music for slumber parties; Temple of the Dog never sounded so crunk and Birdman never sounded so Seattle. The best thing about it though is that it was released for free so it's a guilt-free download. Grab it here and block-rock your next tailgate with the gulliest mix since the height of Hollertronix-mania.

(P.S. Keep an ear out for the "No Diggity" vs. "Flashing Lights" portion of the mix. It's truly special)

Video: Becks on EXTRA

I for one am shocked that it has taken a solid year for EXTRA to get their exclusive, one-on-one sit down with David Beckham. Terry Seymour, you're slipping. And you are obnoxious. Additionally your accent positively Dickensian and the huskiness of your voice implies that you smoke way too much. Also, it would be nice if you ate a sandwich.

UPDATED: So I Went to that Steve Nash/Claudio Reyna Thing...

I never thought I would see Soloman Kalou score off a Jason Kidd assist, but I did today. I never thought I would see Jozy Altidore play in New York again, but I did today. Sh*t, I never thought I would see Claudio Reyna score in New York, but I did today. That's the kind of fantasy world Steve Nash & Claudio Reyna's "Showdown in Chinatown" was.

With the likes of Reyna, Kalou, Altidore, Greg Berhalter and former Metrostars hero Giovanni Savarese lining up against Thierry Henry, Steve McManaman, Robbie Fowler and a handful of NBA superstars, what was billed as a charity event was more like FIFA Street come to life. As much as the overflow crowd of hip, young, international footie freaks were juiced up to see Henry be his bad self it was Kalou who stole the show; the guy was throwing out step-overs and doling out back-heels all over the place. On the real y'all, his game was so sick that I might need to see an optomotrist just for having witnessed it.

All in all it was pretty rad to see all these great footballers playing a pick up game in Chinatown...definitley something memorable although it's late now and my memory is failing me. With that I'll leave you with some decent footage courtesy of some cat called FunkyTwoStep that I found on Youtube. Witness the mob scene and fence-climbing English gatecrasher.



UPDATE: More footage the Wednesday night and an awesome recap from TIAS.




Props to Charlie for the photo.

RBNY Sign Gordon Kljestan

Without Reyna and possibly Angel, what's the best weapon Red Bull could pull out against Chivas USA this Saturday? A Kljestan of their own. A MISL product, hopefully he's no Jamar Beasley.

Is Miami's MLS Return Dream Over?

I think "yes"...for now.

Video: ESPN on Stadium-Come- Prison-Come-Stadium

How interesting is it that the Euro 08 final will be played in a stadium that was used as a prison back in WWII. Not that history & politics have anything to do with soccer (cough) but what a poetic location for a German defeat it would make. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself since the Turkish have been pulling rabbits out of hats with all the frequency of a vaudevillian magician as of late. Should be epic.

Video: Chad Barrett Greatest Misses

Ever wonder what Chad Barrett sees when he closes his eyes at night? It could be something like this, but with a few more extreme close ups. I nicked this video from our man at Climbing the Ladder --which if you don't know is the Rain Man of MLS stats-- and it is hands down one of the coldest things ever committed to tape. It is also exhibit A in the case for Chicago to do whatever they have to do to acquire Brian McBride.

TFC Fever Sweeps Queens, G-Unit Infected

Anna sent me the image of the year and I got nothing. This is how you know I am truly feeling ill. Who knew Rohan Ricketts had this kind of clout?

Kenny Cooper Wants to Have a Word With You.

Admit it. You wish you could see Big Kenny Cooper in that uniform more often. Well maybe not that blue pinstriped fiasco (although the stripes are much more slimming than Dallas' stripes), but the most recent US national team kit. No offense to RUN-DMB, but when he's getting starts at striker in World Cup Qualifiers something just ain't right.

You may agree or disagree with me and you can tell me so in the comments. You can also tell FrankenCooper himself what you think when he chat's live on ESPN.com today at 3pm. Be sure to tell 'em SF sent ya.

ABC to Carry Sunday MLS Game This Week

In a move that is sure to disrupt the established Sunday TV balance of power in households nationwide, ABC Sports will be airing a special 'double-header' this Sunday featuring the LA Galaxy-DC United match from RFK at 12 noon EST, and the Euro 08 final at 2.30 EST. You know what that means? A Sunday without those weird camera angles and washed out picture from Teleftura. Rejoice!

Henry To Play in NYC

Apologies for the lack of posts; the wife and I are sick as dogs and life at TOR Towers is not unlike that inside a leper colony. Except in the leper colony they probably still don't have to go to work.

Hopefully I feel better soon so that I can make down to SoHo tomorrow evening for what's swiftly becoming "Steve Nash's Soccer-Basketball Mutual Appreciation Society All-Star Rich Guy Fest". With Thierry Henry as the latest addition to the line up of players that already includes Nash, Jason Kidd & several of their NBA brethren along with RBNY's Claudio Reyna and Liverpool legends Steve McManaman and Robbie Fowler this sh*t is officially out of control.

Who's next? The ghost of Sir Stanley Matthews?

Shooting Yourself in the Foot: A Cartoon By Barkey

What, No Cheese Log? A Cartoon by Barkey

The Gatorade Challenge

A simple market survey. Which of these 2 Gatorade adverts speaks to you more? Soccer or sex?

Video: Beckhamista's Show Up En Mass For Goldenballs

A warning for those readers who are not attracted to men. This video features 6-story high naked man in his underwear. You may want to skip this post. As for the ladies and homosexualist, get an eyeful...it's rare that you see a Volkswagon-sized underwear bulge so take it in.

Now with all that aside, how crazy is the size of that crowd? They all showed in San Francisco's Union Square yesterday to see the unveiling of our David's big poster and a shot at getting his autograph which I'm sure was signed with a Sharpie marker. Not because it's the best but because they pay him.

Video: Juan Pablo Angel is Ready for His Close-Up

Juan Pablo Angel's spending some of his injury downtime in front of the camera for ESPN's Euro 08 coverage. The clip above was from yesterday; you can see him again today in the Portuguese v. Germany post-game show. Good job by RBNY & MLS to keep up his profile while he's on the shelf.

So um, what's Reyna doing with his downtime? Is it just me or does he keep an amazingly low profile for such a highly paid, highly touted player? You never see him doing things like this. I've been to 2 "Meet the Team" functions in the past year and he was the only player not there. It's like he owes us all money he borrowed and is avoiding us.

Claudio, Claudio. Where for art thou Claudio?

A Quick Word About Portugal v. Germany

So we're finally at the point were I give a damn about Euro 08. TOR is throwing it's unsubstantial weight behind the Portuguese, and not just because they are playing almost as pretty at the Dutch or because their women are the only thing at the tournament that is prettier than the Dutch.

It's because I just hate the Germans something serious. It's partially because I still haven't gotten over this and I may never get over it. I will never root for the Germans under any circumstance; I might put on a sombrero and a lucha libre mask before I ever even contemplated sporting lederhosen. I loathe them that much.

When asked who he would support just before Germany played Brazil in the 2002 World Cup, author Nick Hornby said that most English people would root for the Taliban All Star team before they took up the German cause. I'm not English but today you can call me Prince Charles.

Go Portugal.

MLS Brass Meet 3rd Canadian Expansion Contender

Toronto FC are the Jackie Robinson on Canadian MLS clubs; they opened the door for wealthy Canuckistani's nationwide who have big time soccer dreams. And while Vancouver and Montreal have been knocking on the front door for a while now trying to lock up the Larry Doby spot, Ottawa --you read that right, Ottawa-- is trying to use the tradesman's entrance and sneak in through the back.

It's pretty random to think that Canada's 4th largest city would be in serious contention but hey, you never know. If they do get in you may as well let in Vancouver & Montreal as well to form a Canadian Conference with Toronto. Now I'm just talking out my ass but coupled with the NFL's encroachment into Toronto, you might actually get enough buzz to cut into the CFL's business (which the Buffalo Bills would love as they're just looking for an excuse to move permanently).

The Thursday Night Hype: Chivas USA v. Chicago

I was a bit off on my NY - NE prediction yesterday so I'll refrain from making any calls today. Except for one: I'm calling for the end of soccer vids posted on Youtube. The resolution is so bad that it can make an Ariel Graziani no-angle banger look less than beautiful.

Move Over Dema: New Dallas Coach is MLS Hardest Man

Let's say you've consumed a party ball full of the finest light American beer available at your local Piggly Wiggly in the parking lot before an FC Dallas match that the team has lost badly. You're so mad that you've threatened bodily harm to everyone in the organization from the owner down to the kid running the nacho stand (he's stingy with the jalapeño's). While I won't condone or recommend you taking out your anger in a physical manner against anyone associated with FC Dallas or any other team I will offer one bit of advice.

Under no circumstances do you f*ck with new coach Schellas Hyndman. He is a 10th degree black belt. You will die.

Watch seconds :17- :35 of the clip above and you'll see why. Any man that can take a pair of kicks to the sack from a size 11 and not even pucker his corn hole is as hard as Chuck Norris after snorting his weight in Viagra. That or he's been watching "Drillbit Taylor" alot. My only question is "can he make his back line this tough"?

And you can make all the Combat Ki/Cobra Ki jokes you want, but don't come crying to me when you end up watching MLS Cup from a hospital bed because you made Coach Hyndman bring the pain.

This Just In: The Rowdies Resurrected

If you're Florida resident who has been saving their vintage ring-necked Crazy George t-shirt for a special occasion, I think I've got something that may interest you. The word out of Tampa --incarcerated stripper capital of the world-- is that USL-1 will resurrect the Rowdies name & colors from the NASL graveyard for the 2009 season. What's more is that they'll be playing in some form of new soccer stadium but the details are scant.

Incidentally, the USL league offices are in Tampa and GolTV is headquartered in Florida as well. Which means maybe, juuuust maybe we'll see a return of Mad Ray Hudson patrolling the sidelines. Is it likely, no, but I can dream can't I?

Video: RSL v. San Jose Tonight

Been a while since we had multiple matches on a Wednesday, but we do tonight. As previously mentioned RBNY will be catching hell up in New England. Also on the docket is San Jose's visit to Salt Lake City so listen to what RSL's Tino Nunez and a newly mall-punk Nick Rimando have to say about it...but only if you're as bored as you will be watching these 2 teams play.

Carlos Bocanegra Has No Income Coming In

Carlos Bocanegra needs a job and his agent's talk of staying in Europe just isn't convincing to me. He's probably being straight up but dude's just not selling it. In my mind I see 'Los walking into his agent's office and the agent being Darren Lamb from Extras going "nothing's come in".

EDIT: That should say defender not midfielder.

Wednesday Night MLS Prediction

RBNY play New England tonight on the road. The image above pretty much sums up my thoughts with only 3 words, 2 bold canines and 1 walking butcher shop.

Sandy Stadium is now Officially on the Clock

Oct 9th. Mark it down MLS fans as it will be Juneteenth for RSL, the day that they will be liberated from the shackles of Rice-Eccles Stadium as set free in the green pastures of RSL Stadium. At least that's the plan as club officials are shaggin' ass to get their new house in order for their ESPN Primetime match against RBNY on Oct. 9th.

Do you know who was the opposition for FC Dallas' Pizza Hut Park debut? RBNY. Who was the opposition for the opening of the HDC, Toyota Park and Crew Stadium? New England. Always the bridesmaids and never the brides.

Video: Joe-Max Moore Reminisces on His 100th Cap

I've got nothing to say about this other than we miss you.

Coldplay Bring the Footie Funny

By the way, Coldplay's Brian Eno-produced new album is out today. Buy it if you plan to bed anyone between the ages of 25 and 40 this calendar year. Opening the live campaign to promote the album last night at London's Brixton Academy, frontman Chris Martin cracked what is possibly the topical footie joke of the year.

Q:"What do British people do when they have finished winning the World Cup and the European championships?"

A: They turn off the Playstation."

Zing!

Scunthorpe is a Massive Side

So here's an MLS trivia question for you. And I'm asking because I don't know the answer, so don't expect a prize. Can you name a non-English midfielder with an English wife? If you can answer this, then you can solve the mystery of "who in the hell is Scunthorpe United chasing?"

Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps one of the blogs with "sources" will get to the bottom of this and drop a name soon.

Video: The Jozy Altidore Greatest Hits Reel

Remember that Brian McBride tribute reel that was making the rounds a few weeks ago? With our Jozy leaving for the land of tapas and flowing red wine, their was a similar video tacked on to the end of the most recent episode of the Extratime show on MLSnet. Since I know some of you are more than a little intimidated by the rugged manliness of Shep Messing, I have posted The Boy King of New York & New Jersey's "greatest hits" video here for your mustache-free pleasure.

And it's ok if you want to cry a little while watching....I'm still working through a lot of my emotions with this thing so I excuse me if I get all teary with thoughts of the way we were and what could have been.

Cunningham & Razov Are Pimps of Pine

Forbes Magazine --America's most unlikely source for soccer news-- has listed America's best-paid bench warmers. Using some quasi-scientific metrics that measure "minutes played along with production, making note of those pulling in the biggest bucks for spending most of their time on the pine" they've crowned Toronto FC's Jamaican journeyman Jeff Cunningham King of the Bench with Chivas USA's Ante Razov is the crown prince. Interestingly enough both of these forwards are in the top 5 of all-time MLS goal scorers. It's sure going to be hard to beat Jamie Moreno's 117 mark from the touchline though boys.

Estelle to Perform at MLS All-Star Game

If I could just say that I'm very much down with the 2008 All-Star game halftime entertainment selection. Estelle is a tiny little thing from London who runs around with John Legend and Kanye West. Her jam "Wait a Minute" was one the office jams at TOR Towers this past winter and the follow-up "American Boy" wasn't bad either.

While I'm down with a lot of her music (particularly her old house joints with Ben Watt of Everything But The Girl/Lazy Dog fame) I can't abide by her love, then abandonment of Manchester United. Pick a side and stick with a side girl.

New Blog on The Block: Forever Orange

Hey y'all. If you haven't been made aware yet, the Dynamo now have an official blog (read: it's not a bastion of ill-informed, lazily researched faux-journalism or egregious, blatant story-theft) called Forever Orange. You should check it out in between watching videos of Bikini Wax adverts and shopping for your own personal, affordable "sport plane".

Video: Iron Maiden Play Arena Football

You are a classic, arena-stalking 10-legged metal machine. You're playing the Garden and your sh*t is so heavy that you manage to blow the speakers. What do you do to entertain the throngs of heshers, burnouts and old-school metal heads while the problem is dealt with?

You play ball.

[via BrooklynVegan]

The True Tale of a Hater Turned Lover

So this guy from Sports Illustrated hates soccer for a bunch of different reasons, then spends a few days on the road going to five different matches and finds redemption at the bottom of Giants Stadium. It's a good read and I'm sure there is buddy-movie in this somewhere.

So It Begins...

The Father's Day Post

Happy Father's Day to all the real daddy's out there...enjoy your big piece of chicken tonight.
A special and very sincere Happy Father's Day shout out goes out Santino Quaranta; big props to you cousin for maning-up and handling your business.

All you baby-daddy's out there who have been down take note, there is a way up.

Like Soccer? Like Beer? Lemme Holler at Ya...

Perhaps you read a few weeks back that Real Salt Lake are looking to corner the lucrative yet little known soccer-themed fry sauce market. I'm all for diversifying your brand marketing, while appealing to your fans' pie-hole but I think there is a better way to do it. And so does Kansas City Wizards ownership group OnGoal.

They've snuck into bed with bespoke brewers Weston Irish to develop "a series of proprietary traditional beers that will be served cask-conditioned at the Trails", KC's planned soccer-specific stadium. With the opening 600 gallon round of production complete, there's a very special watch party on the horizon for their away game at Toronto next Saturday.

How special? The 1st ten gallons of the specialist brew will be free with the rest going at only $2 a pint. Or bottle. Or whatever the hell they serve it in so long as it's got a bottom and high sides, who cares. There will also be a beer-naming contest and a tour of the brewery, which is basically a trip to Willy Wonka's for the over 21 set.

Get all the info at Hillcrest Road.

The Mystery of Chessboxing & Other Things Unsolved

Fatman Scoop: The Official Hype Man of Euro 08

The least street, yet most mixtape friendly soccer anthem of all time. NYC's loudest radio DJ Fatman Scoop yells, screams, hollers and bellows his way through 2 minutes and 18 seconds of throat-bursting euro dance that even fans of Ultra Dance compilations would find innocuous. And obviously it's got nothing on the claustrophobic trip-hop masterstroke from Euro 98 that was Massive Attack's "Euro Zero Zero".

But maybe that's for the best because people want to to dance, and yell and celebrate at any big event and the Euro's are no different. While Massive Attack is a fine soundtrack for your cocktail-stained indiscretions with members of the opposite sex, you really need something a little more upbeat and dance floor worthy to help you get stuck in. So enter the Fatman...helping footie fans get some since 2008.

The Thursday Night Hype: Houston vs. New England

Azurri Fans, I'm Sorry to Bring Up Old Sh*t.....

But I find this as entertaining as anything. And what the hell was with all the old guys on the pitch that day? It looked like an open casting for an Italian production of Cocoon.

Soccer Moms To The Rescue!

For Robert Smigel fans who think he's gone too soft.

Video: The Kenny Cooper Mixtape

I'm posting this just on the slim chance that someone out there has Bob Bradley's email address. Please forward this link before Sunday.

Good God! John O'Brien Speaks!

This interview is the soccer equivalent of a one-on-one with D.B. Cooper. It is also the definition of "prick tease".

Photo of the Day: Jozy Arrives at Villarreal

Looking at this photo I think I may cry two different types of tears. One set for sadness I feel for seeing him leave New York and a second set for the joy I feel for him to get this type of reception at his unveiling in Spain. Do us proud young man.

Video: Becks on Jimmy Kimmel Game Night

Our David was on Jimmy Kimmel's prime time special last night, continuing his tour of America's most watched couches, love seats and plush chairs. What do we learn from his latest sit down? That he probably shouldn't be driving the kids or playing basketball with them if he can help it.

Austrian Stuff: It's Not Just for Sigmond Freud Anymore

Last night my fellow ESCers Flip & Fina and myself went to that foosball thing at the Austrian Cultural Center that I mentioned the other day. As much as I wanted to hit the hay early last night, the draw of free booze was too much to resist. Plus, it was quite literally around the corner from the scotch tasting we hit up beforehand at Thomas Pink.

First off, if you've never laid eyes on the Austrian Cultural Center it's an amazing building that caused a bit of a stir in NYC when it was unveiled a few years ago. It's pointy & impossibly thin for it's height, resembling an out-sized toothpick. If it were not an inanimate object, it would be America's Next Top Model.

The art installation is great as well. Of particular note are the works of the event organizer, Austrian artist Monika Wührer, and American photographer Spencer Tunick. You may have seen some of Tunick's captivating, flesh-heavy work recently since it's been all over the internet lately (just like rich Nigerian princes who want to share their money with you!). It's bold (read: features lots of naked people) stuff that your local Republican congressman would not approve of. I love it.

And as for the beer and foosball, well the beer was cold & free so that's all you need to know. We didn't play foosball but instead watched others play while a Euro-weird announcer called the games. RBNY players & all-around nice guys Luke Sassano and Chris Leitch (pictured above) were on hand and from what I hear got their asses handed to them in the final. We left before then but word is that they suffered a painful and crushing defeat....hey it's just like watching Metro!

They'll doing this again on July 15th so mark your iCal's now.

Bulls vs. Goats & Other Things That Need Tickets

Just a heads up that tickets for a slew of non-league games are on sale now, including tickets for Red Bull New York & Chivas de Guadalajara in Arizona aka The Barnyard Cup. I know it's stretch but it'd be nice to see a few fans supporting the New York in this one so if you are an MLS fan in exile get your ass there because this circus is in town for one night only. Buy them here.

Also on sale are tickets for Colorado's match versus Tim Howard's Everton on August 3rd. Tickets start at only $12 so if you're in the area you'll need a better excuse than price for you're reason not to go. Buy them here.

Finally I'd like to remind anyone in the SoCal area or with excess disposable info to make sure to show their face and their passion at the Home Depot Center this Sunday. The US begins World Cup Qualifiers this Sunday vs. Barbados and after the top-shelf crowd at last weekend friendly it would be very nice to give the boys a packed house to start the journey to South Africa. Spread the word and buy your tickets here.

Certainly Barbados is not as sexy as Argentina, but you go for the boys not the opposition. Unless Rihanna shows up to support her Barbadian countrymen. Then you can forget what I just said.

Is It Time to Call Time on Extra Time?

So I was just reading this press release about Mo Johnston joining the cast of GolTV's Extra Time show and it's dawned on me that there are enough separate entities that produce a product with that name to tie up every single intellectual property court in the country for the entirety of the next world cup qualifying cycle.

This isn't a jab at anyone in particular or at any of the slew of Extra Time's out there. I watch/read/use/enjoy all of them and am thankful they all contribute to the American soccer landscape but I just know that they're all creative enough to come up with something different. I mean who wants to see this turn into one of those things like Voltron where there are 3 different sets of robots out there claiming to be "defender of the universe"? I know I don't.

Wizards Go Hollywood in the Heartland

Dudes, how great is this? Sasha Victorine looking like The Captain sans Tenille with wingman Jimmy Conrad rocking a huge Freddy Mercury-style 'c*ckduster' mustache. Probably the greatest photo ever taken that does not include the tag 'upskirt'.

This was provided by a TOR mole on the set of a shoot for a new web-video campaign featuring Kansas City Wizards players reenacting famous scenes from various 80's movies (such as the Top Gun bar scene). I'm praying to all my lucky stars & patron saints that there is a Fast Times at Ridgemont High one featuring Chance Myers as Spicoli.

Help DC United Get Out of RFK

D.C. United's epic quest for a stadium at Poplar Point continues. The haters are lining up, voicing their opposition in letters to the DC government officials, in the media and on blogs. DCU and MLS fans, you have the will and the numbers to match this and then some. Below are a few things you can do to help get another team out of NFL stadium hell.

1. Write letters to members of the city council. Be sane, positive and state your support for the stadium being built at Poplar Point. Talk about improving the community, United deserving its own home, the new building serving as a catalyst for Ward 8 re-development etc. Here's a list of city council members:

Vincent Gray, Council Chair
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 504
Washington, DC 20004

Kwame Brown, At-Large
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 506
Washington, DC 20004

Carol Schwartz, At-Large
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 404
Washington, DC 20004

David Catania, At-Large
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 110
Washington, DC 20004

Phil Mendelson, At-Large
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 402
Washington, DC 20004

Jim Graham, Ward 1
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 105
Washington, DC 20004

Jack Evans, Ward 2
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 106
Washington, DC 20004

Mary Cheh, Ward 3
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 108
Washington, DC 20004

Muriel Bowser, Ward 4
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 406
Washington, DC 20004

Harry Thomas Jr., Ward 5
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 107
Washington, DC 20004

Tommy Wells, Ward 6
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 408
Washington, DC 20004

Yvette Alexander, Ward 7
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 400
Washington, DC 20004

Marion Barry, Ward 8
Wilson Building
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Suite 102
Washington, DC 20004

2. David Nakamura of the Washington Post often writes/blogs about the number of e-mails he receives in opposition to the stadium. Remind him that plenty are supporting of a new stadium at Poplar Point and the positives that will come as a result of United playing there. Please share your thoughts with him at nakamurad@washpost.com.

3. Finally, we should be vigilant in making our feelings known on websites and blogs that voice an opposition to the stadium. Here's a couple on which we should post our support:

http://upsetthesetup.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/dc-united-against-corporate-welfare-for-san-fran-millionaires/

http://action.foe.org/petition.jsp?petition_KEY=1251

What Did EJ Do to Deserve Such Loyalty?

Bob Bradley has announced who he's bringing into camp for World Cup Qualifying. Sadly it includes Eddie "Let's face it he's ok but not great" Johnson and not Kenny "I am currently hot & second on the Golden Boot list" Cooper.

For the love of God & all that is holy, if Brian Ching can get called in can't we give the big man another look? Maybe I'm too caught up in ObamaMania, but I think it might be time for some 'CHANGE' at the forward position.

Jozy Altidore's Playlist: All-Over Print Hoodie Not Included

Check it out y'all. After a few weeks of wrangling, I was finally able to get a hold on Jozy Altidore's playlist for my day job. I wasn't sure what to expect but what we got back was nothing but the illest of the trillest in "now" hip-hop & southern rap. It seems that The Boy King of New York & Jersey™ likes to keep it --to borrow a phrase from the Philly section of I-95-- gully.

What's the kid rocking? Pretty much the lineup from the last five Source Awards rolled into one. Street anthems from DJ Khaled (he's the best, just ask him). Some classic Jigga. And you know there is some Weezy in there just to keep it crackin'. Basically he's like Young Jeezy but without all the gun charges.

You can listen to it for free over at Rhapsody.com. You just might want to use headphones if your cube is next to an arch-conservative or "Facebook Gangsta". The latter may start wildin' out if he gets wind of "I'm So Hood".

Photo of the Day: Chris Klein Scares Children

Who the hell needs bodyguards when you've got Chris Klein out there doing his best, most-intimidating Jurassic Park-style velociraptor impersonations? If any of you other kids are thinking about hugging David Beckham on the fly, remember this image. You could be next.

And as my comrades in blog over at The Original Winger point out, you could also be on TMZ --possibly the only folks on the planet to ever refer to Mr. Klein as hunky.

Video: SF Drunk on Nationalism

TOR reader Jeff K sent me some video of footage he gathered from the belly of the Sam's Army beast on Sunday. Recognize anyone?

EDIT: Shouts to Kevin, Joe, Discoberger, JayDelight, Flip and DJ Prestige...this is basically an ESC posse cut.

Video: VW's Soccer Collision Course

You see this sh*t yet? Bananas. I guess Red Bull doesn't have a monopoly on making up crazy-assed games out of thin air. It goes without saying that the Jerry's are absolutely nuts but for once the results are kinda cool.

Watching this I noticed that all of the cars are Volkswagons and that they sponsored this demolition derby-come-soccer game...can we please get one of these events as the post-game entertainment down in RFK post-haste?

2 Words That Will Make You Read This Post: Free Beer

With Euro 2008 in full swing it's time to celebrate all things Austian and soccer-related. And what's a better teutonic footie tribute than free beer and foosball? Free beer, foosball and RBNY players.

Red Bulls Reader says you can get a game and a pint tomorrow night June 10th, July 15th & Sept. 4th at The Austrian Cultural Forum NYC, which has commissioned an art exhibition entitled "Bread and Soccer: in the arena of art," as well as a series of public programs, including soccer film screenings and foosball tournaments featuring team players from the New York Red Bulls.

All of the events related to this exhibition are FREE and open to the public and any organization that just gives away beer has got to be a little crazy, so this is probably worth checking out. See you drunks tomorrow.

Good Evening Commerce Citaaaayy! R U Ready to Rawk?!

In order to provide it's fans with the most rockin' like Dokken half-time show since, well forever, the Rapids are hosting a riff-tastic Guitar Hero III contest. Before the June 21st match prospective virtual guitar gods will face off in one of the stadium bars --The Cantina-- for the chance to compete in a 1-on-1 battle for Colorado's rock & roll soul; the 2 finalist will get (sort of) live the stadium rock dream and to exchange face-melting moves on stage during half-time in front of the DSG Park faithful. Start brushing up on your licks now.

The Devil's Voice, His Name is Tommy Smythe

Please let it be noted that while I have love for Tommy Smythe, his voice is the worst thing ever for a hangover headache. Worse than the light of 1000 suns. I can't even have the match on in the background for fear that my throbbing brain may crack my skull.

Do The Jets Line Backers Moonlight as Security Guards?

If you were watching last night's U.S. game at home you may not know that there was a half-time pitch invasion by some Argentine fan. I don't think it's the best thing to do, but I would be a liar if I said I didn't find it more entertaining than I like to let on. It's sort of like going to Hooters but without the 'hooters'.

While he's probably only going to have to go to juvenile court, he also had to deal with that special kind of justice that only Giants Stadium security is capable of doling out. Seriously, who tackles a 12 year-old like he's Reggie Bush heading for pay dirt? Someone who's glory-days are well behind them and still talks about the 4 touchdowns they scored against Polk High 20 years ago that's who.

Kevin Garnett Is Down With Russian Oil Money

The soccer-basketball mutual appreciation society rears it's random head again. But shouldn't Kevin Garnett be a Celtic supporter? I'm just saying. But I think the kit was free so I can't hate on that being that free is my preferred price-point. What I can turn my nose up a little at though is Didier Drogba slacking on his gentlemanly returns. It seems he has yet to return the good luck wishes sent to him ahead of the Champions League final to the NBA Finals-occupied Garnett. Where are your manners Mr. Deeds? Perhaps on the shelf next to your Jheri Curl activator?

From the looks of the video below he doesn't seem to put out by it. For a multi-millionaire he seems a little too stoked about a free jersey.