I just received the following in my inbox from RBNY's communications dept.
***MEDIA ADVISORY***
SECAUCUS, NJ (July 15, 2008) – Red Bull New York Designated Player and captain Claudio Reyna will hold a news conference on Wednesday, July 16 at 2 PM in the first floor Board Room at St. Benedict’s Prep, located at 520 Martin Luther King Boulevard in Newark, New Jersey.
So I feel that I should issue my own advisory to you, the soccer fan.
***FAN ADVISORY***
THE OFFSIDE RULES
Contact: Shawn Francis TheOffsideRules@Gmail.com
THE OFFSIDE RULES
Contact: Shawn Francis TheOffsideRules@Gmail.com
New York, NY (July 15, 2008) - The Offside Rules has issued the following advisory regarding the scheduled announcement of Red Bull New York Designated Player and captain Claudio Reyna's retirement from professional soccer.
In the next 72 hours you, the soccer fan, will be inundated with both professional and amateur assessments of Mr. Reyna's career. These assessments -or eulogy's if you will- will come in one of two forms; they will either span his entire career or they will focus mostly on his tumultuous tenure in Major League Soccer.
Peppered throughout these accounts will be loyal & gushing tributes, carefully worded half-attacks and snarky vitriol. The former will mostly be the work of established soccer writers and the later will emanate mostly from Red Bull fans with Blogger, Typad or Wordpress accounts.
Fans wishing to avoid the imminent avalanche of revisionist history, misty-eyed memories and finger-pointing as to who's the blame for Mr. Reyna's troubled MLS career are urged to avoid the soccersphere portion of the world wide web at all costs. Of particular danger are websites, blogs and message boards originating in the New York/New Jersey area; those things are going to be a shit-show.
An exception to the rule will be The Offside Rules which will be holding a 30 day moratorium on all Reyna-related coverage as a special "Thank You" gesture to it's loyal readership.
About The Offside Rules: Founded in 2006, TOR is the leading lifestyle destination for fans of American soccer. An irreverent brew of soccer news, humor & style filtered through as much pop culture as possible, TOR is curated by life-long soccer fan & scotch-enthusiast Shawn Francis.
In 2009 TOR will relocate to Blog-Specific Office located in a dustbin at the Empire End of Red Bull Park.
In the next 72 hours you, the soccer fan, will be inundated with both professional and amateur assessments of Mr. Reyna's career. These assessments -or eulogy's if you will- will come in one of two forms; they will either span his entire career or they will focus mostly on his tumultuous tenure in Major League Soccer.
Peppered throughout these accounts will be loyal & gushing tributes, carefully worded half-attacks and snarky vitriol. The former will mostly be the work of established soccer writers and the later will emanate mostly from Red Bull fans with Blogger, Typad or Wordpress accounts.
Fans wishing to avoid the imminent avalanche of revisionist history, misty-eyed memories and finger-pointing as to who's the blame for Mr. Reyna's troubled MLS career are urged to avoid the soccersphere portion of the world wide web at all costs. Of particular danger are websites, blogs and message boards originating in the New York/New Jersey area; those things are going to be a shit-show.
An exception to the rule will be The Offside Rules which will be holding a 30 day moratorium on all Reyna-related coverage as a special "Thank You" gesture to it's loyal readership.
About The Offside Rules: Founded in 2006, TOR is the leading lifestyle destination for fans of American soccer. An irreverent brew of soccer news, humor & style filtered through as much pop culture as possible, TOR is curated by life-long soccer fan & scotch-enthusiast Shawn Francis.
In 2009 TOR will relocate to Blog-Specific Office located in a dustbin at the Empire End of Red Bull Park.
5 comments:
Thank you!
are you really relocating to Red Bull Park? thats awesome
My 2 Word Media Advisory on Claudio:
"F-UCK REYNA"
it's hard to believe that somebody, somewhere, at some time, didn't offer the advice: "You've had a good run. Quit while you're ahead."
Verily, pride cometh before the fall.
There is nothing quite so nauseating as public, oblivious self-destruction.
I sincerely wish you well, Reyna. Unfortunately, you won't be missed. You could have been, but you won't.
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