It just dawned on me that I have no idea where DC United keeper Zach Wells was when he answered these questions. For all I know, he could have been poolside at the Kansas City Marriott. Or more likely, it could have been while dude was playing blackjack on a private jet somewhere over Mexico en route to tonight's CONCACAF Champions Cup match against Pachuca (FSC 10pm EST ).
Basically as long as this interview was conducted while he was fully clothed, I'm good with it. You'll be good with it too provided you have even a passing interest in TV shows based around So Cal teens, and pondering the existential consequences of living in Ben Olsen's basement.
Your bio says you're from Costa Mesa, CA…tell us, was growing up in the O.C. really as cool as the FOX network made it out to be?
Haha. They made it look cool? I thought they just showed how messed up everything really is underneath the polished façade. It’s funny you ask because I room with a Seth Cohen look alike on the road (Devon McTavish), maybe they did that so I could feel comfortable right away. Can’t you just hear the intro music?
Wait a minute. So you actually went to the same Newport Harbor high school that is on MTV?
Yes. I actually attended the high school that is now the focus of an MTV reality show. Funny thing is, I’m now old enough to say I graduated before this movement of fame without talent came about. And to answer your true question: like, yes, it’s like really, totally THAT awesome!!!!! You know?
You'll always be a Metro. That's not a question, just statement of affection & appreciation. Care to comment?
I love NY – tough place to live on $24,000 though.
You seem to be the only goalie in the league that I have never seen wearing pants or those culotte things. Is this decision based in fashion, function or pure, unadulterated calf-vanity ?
Wow – you really pay attention to important details. Actually, I don’t like those culotte things as they are, so I take them home and have my mother (the master seamstress) alter them: she takes the zippers out of the pockets and reduces the length to just above knee high. Function, calf vanity, fashion… in that order.
This was not the wisest of hairstyle choices. Defend yourself.
I don’t understand… what’s there to defend?
Why do you love your job?
I love my job because I get to play the best game in the world (soccer).
What CD is in your car stereo right now?
Interpol’s latest album, Our Love to Admire – NY natives with good style, good sound.
You were traded to DC for Bobby Boswell. Apparently he needs help catching Texas ladies…any advice?
Well, last I heard, Bobby was doing just fine down in Houston. Wearing cowboy gear was a good attempt at the Rodeo, where you can watch elementary school kids chase cows around Reliant Stadium. Although, he might not fare as well in Downtown Houston in that wardrobe. Maybe Houston will help him figure out his true self, and set him free so to speak, then the ladies will come flocking.
What have you seen so far at DC United that sets the organization apart from it's contemporaries?
The owners have been at every match. We also had a really fancy kick off luncheon.
Have you found yourself a "wingman" in DC yet?
Yeah, a guy named Mack – he’s the thirty-something year old neighbor guy to Ben and me who used to work on capitol hill. His golf bag is from the Delay foundation. Yes, that Delay. Wait, I can’t talk about this anymore.
You live in Ben Olsen's basement: do you feel that in some weird way this is an allegory for your current place in life or on the team?
I haven’t thought about it in that way, but yes, thanks for clarifying. I guess you could say I need to work my way up in life. Seeing Ben’s big, beautiful house atop my crusty old basement is an everyday reminder of what could possibly be my life if I just work hard enough. What better example than to see Ben, the Prince of DC, on a daily basis improving himself, the team, and the organization.
Last question...have you thrown a basement party yet? They're great but you can never get the stale smell of beer and sweat out of those places. Let me know if you ever need a DJ for one.
Yes, Ben forced me to have a dinner party last week because he was tired of me free loading. It started out as three of us, but ended up as 10 because the neighborhood got wind and couldn’t miss out on the basement’s debut. 10 people in a one bedroom basement….just doing my part to bring the community together (against my will).
Hope your DJ equipment doesn’t take up too much space, how’s your resume?
My resume? Flawed by some questionable mix CD's on Shadow Records back in the day, but my reputation is sterling...no one can mix Jay-Z into Justice into Rod Stewart as seamless as DJ Shawn Francis! No. One.
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