2 MLS Owners Make Forbes List of Billionaire Ballers


Forbes, the Official Magazine of the Rich People You Work For™, has done a list of the Top 10 billionaire soccer owners. It's pretty fucking bunk-nana's that such a list exists and even wilder that 2 of the ten own MLS franchises. For a league on a budget this shit's got some seriously minted men behind it.

Now everyone knows Uncle Phil Anschutz has more money than God and that's why he's so tight with him. But Microsoft's Paul Allen, Seattle's new-boy on the ownership block, is so wealthy it defies adjectives. Seriously, he's got Bond-villain money. Think I'm BSing? Look at his boat:


I say boat, but this is no dingy. This is the Octopus and she's the definition of maritime ballin' outta control™. This megayacht is subject to more non-disclosure agreements than Micheal Jackson's nanny but just like the X-Files "the truth is out there".

With a flooding boat bay able to deploy large boats and his $6m 10 person submarine from the stern dock, or jetskis and speedboats from side doors, this sucker is so big it has other smaller vehicles that live off of it like parasites on the Cloverfield monster. The tricky problem of arguments with the wife over the helicopter is solved by having hangar space for two choppers with pads forward and aft, and for that special suburban home touch there's a basketball hoop mounted above the helicopter garage door.

This is why Seattle was picked for the 15th team; Garber & co want to have the company Christmas "do" on this joker.


Gary said...

Paul has got nothing on Roman.. Poser.

Anonymous said...

I guess thats what they mean at Microsoft by

"At Microsoft, environmental stewardship is important and integral to our business. Over the past 30 years, we have translated our personal beliefs and corporate philosophy into meaningful environmental action. Today more than ever we are focusing our efforts on sustainability and continuing innovation."

charlton heston said...

Goodness gracious, that boat cost more than our league is worth.

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Congratulations to them that soccer has been great for them and I hope that it can bring a lot of investment.