It's official: Grown Ass Man Links Up With Duece & Co.
Our man Ives has done it again; the only person to get more scoop than him is the ice cream man. He's reporting that Eddie "Grown Ass Man" Johnson is officially joining the US soccer posse-cut that is Fulham FC.
It's so beautifully absurd isn't it? There may be more yanks at Craven Cottage now than there will be yanks in the DC United starting XI this season (if all the reports of off-season South American signings come true). And just to make it even more unlikely three of them are attacking players, so start stocking up on canned goods and shotguns because the end of the world may well be upon us.
There are so many questions here. Who's going to be the first writer to cash in and compose "An American Tale: The Unauthorized Story of Fulham's Yanks?" When will club owner Mohamed Al Fayed fuck around and open a Cheesecake Factory in the back of Harrod's? And how will London survive the relentless tornado of swagger that is the Dempsey-Johnson combo?